Banter Bar.

Don't suppose you fancy cleaning the oven then.....

Pete You might make a bit more money if you kept your fingers out of the till you started serving breakfasts.
This place seems to be turning into a greasy spoon

So I'll have an "All in" breakfast barm and a large brandy in my coffee please.
Hope that glamma replaced that bottle

Goose A warning before I leave - don't answer Pete's question about cows It isn't an innocent query - he's planning. I heard he'd warned glamma to expect a big delivery and told her she'd be busy for the next week.

Substitute beef for cow in Pete's question

Ella I like your idea...but pampering to strange requests most of the night takes a little recovery time
Feel free to start up a breakfast bar....it may involve your hands becoming greasy though

It appears that Sel has a very 'suspicious mind'....(must get Elvis on the juke-box)

That said ....do you have any spare room in your freezer?

If they're greasy, she won't be able to get a firm grip on 'things?'

Rubber gloves.....or would that make the sausage taste funny?

Good evenin' Squire. I have a little beef to pick with you. Last night (or was it this afternoon? you enquired of my mini-ranch in the spare bedroom. Them there steeds are not for turning 'n' burning, or a-being served with bar-be-que sauce. Poor Sarah (RIP) will n'er return to her home in the kitchen. I've reported you to SOPPY

I'm allergic to rubber in any form,so Pete, you'll have to do any sausage gripping.

Goose I think you should lay off the port, it's still morning here!

Ah! A DIY job for Pete!(Omanisn?)

Lay off the Port? Ella Haven't you noticed, Pete adds a Very Generous splash of unfizzy 'lemonade' (which he gets from the Little Girl's Room) to the Ports he doles out - which I think may just be water - plus, have you seen all those 'Vimto' bottles hidden behind the green wheelie bin outside?

Ella May I suggest you use a pair of tongs....this leaving your manicured hands in pristine condition...

Have you ever wandered in somewhere and wondered what on earth is going on? That's how I feel right now. Mines a glass of white please and a bag of crisps.

Seems to be 'Pick on Pete' day today.......that's ok I can handle it (pun intended)

Another Port Goose ? By the way.....it's Bank Holiday....which means showers and...BBQ's!! I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you....just sayin

That would be a large glass LizG 'Bacon' flavored crisps ok?

3 pints of Vimto and water Port and Lemonade in a pint glass Pete, and a beef and horseradish bap on the side - when you're ready.

No problem......remember you need to stay 'alert'.....

Step away from that cow Pete, Goose has suffered enough at your hands.

Large house red please - any salted almonds perchance?

NB My silence can be bought

Yes Pete - you stay away from me. I have to go back to the ranch to pluck my beard out now, it nearly choked me the other night when I swallowed a couple of strands that were floating in my Vimto Port....

Beard Goose beard?? That sounds very rustic.

Pleased you've heeded my warning about Pete Perhaps best to step up security patrols at the ranch for the time being

Yep Sel, I've passed word round the Farmer's Arms, and a posse will be up at my Ranch at High Noon, just in case Pete-the-Rustler decides to try his luck with my shorthorns. Right, must go, my razor awaits. Toodle pip

Way to go Goose I like the idea of a posse, that Pete has met his match. He'll just have to rely on a conventional supply chain now.

Steady with the razor - you need to keep your character

Sel....I think that buying your silence is a little late now...

Might have to rethink the 'back-seat' offer.....

But....even posses sleep......

Back up Pete never heard of back up? 24 hour protection posses are available in the Badlands of Oxford.

Silence? You were too slow Pete - I had a better offer from Goose
All the meat I could eat and glamma is going to cook (when I've had a word)

Slow on the wine too - and the salted almonds. I'm beginning to wonder if you are suitably experienced to be running this joint. Stock, staff, cleanliness, odours, unseemly behaviour - the issues are mounting up Pete It only needs Health and Safety to pop in and your days might be numbered. Socks and pull Pete