Little boys and fighting

I think it is just a throw back to when men were the hunter gatherers who protected their families. It is just part of growing up and they will grow out of it. Many of the most notorious killers were actually quiet studious types who buried their agression.

My 4 year old GS loves using my crutch as a rifle!

Oh dear ! That's not quite so funny. I thought you were at home so just a not a

He got quite a lecture from me I can tell you! We were in a pub for lunch too.

I think that is quite funny j08. I can just imagine everyone sitting round at lunch and that happening. Boys will be boys and I'm sure your grandson is lovely really. Not so nice for the younger one though !

I agree Gorki. Younger grandson let out a yelp of real pain while we having lunch yesterday. Older one had pinched him. I think the trouble is the nearly twelve year old is starting to see the nearly eight year old as a bit of a rival now, rather than just the "little brother" he has been up till now.

I worked in a school for 12 years, looking after the children's welfare, etc, and quite honestly give me a group of fighting boys - I could deal with them tumblimg through the door, but the whinging girls - I could wllingly have wrung their necks. I have ever since been known to say 'Give me a naughty boy, any day' (with a please in brackets), much to everyone's amusement!

The problem my two reversed roles. DS was the gentle caring unaggressive one while DD would mix it and hold her own against all comers. She has grown up to be an assured and assertive women, but has chosen to remain single and childless because she admits that she is incapable of making the compromises that living with someone or having children require.

My oldest daughter was born in 1972 and I was determined to provide toys, clothes and experiences that didn't stereotype her. I wouldn't let my poor mum buy a pram for the first christmas, but agreed mum could buy a push along truck with colourful wooden bricks in it. The bricks were emptied out, and my little girl got a peg, wrapped it in a tea towel, and sang happily, as she snuggled her baby into her pram. Mum sat smiling knowingly in the corner. I recall an afternoon on the beach with my two little girls, and my sister with her two little boys, all the children pre school age. The boys spent all their time attempting to find worms in the worm cases left on the sand. The girls spent their time avoiding the worm cases, and trying to find shiny pretty shells. One of my sisters little boys was given a pram for his 3rd birthday, in which he pushed Monkey, his favourite toy around. Nanaj, yes, there is research about the need children have to explore aggression/ nurture etc through play.

All this is perfectly normal behaviour. My GC, boys and girls, all play Mike the Knight, pirate, Star Wars, etc. My own children did the same and have grown up into decent, non violent, professionals.
I recently watched my 2-year old GS and my 3-year old GD have a sword fight. She hit him on the shoulder with her sword. He stopped, looked at her in amazement and said 'Don't you know the rule? You only hit the sword not the other person'.
That says it all I think. There are rules, you don't hurt anyone and there's a good measure of self control. They are learning this from their play.

It's trendy to be a geek.

gorki, I agree. Real troublemaking childhood aggression is easy to distinguish from imaginative play and needs to be dealt with.

Two of my five grandsons worried their mothers because they didn't show any aggression! They both turned out to be highly academic and would much prefer to read a book or make something complicated with Technique Lego than get involved in a scuffle. Oddly enough, they were both popular at school, even though they were often jokingly told they were geeks.

I think there is a world of difference between the pretend fighting that everyone has been talking about and the biting, pinching and scratching that some children do that really does need to be addressed.

Sounds just like GN Bags, except that the Cubs stop.

At Cubs (8–10 year olds), two or three of them are always scrapping – the boys physically, the girls snidely. If it gets too much or I need them to stop in order to do something else, I just say Oi! They stop...

... for a while

Three small kids in a playroom in the early eighties in my house. Suddenly yelps from the smallest who was lying on the floor and had been run over with play prams. The mother of two of them went to investigate and her older son when asked "What happened?" said: "We were just playing Wacky Prams."

She left the room smartish with smallest child so that the older two (my eldest and hers) couldn't see her suppressing her laughter. She joined me in the next room where I was breastfeeding the youngest of the four and we both had a good grinning and eye-rolling session.

All four of those kids have turned into non-violent responsible citizens.

It's normal. Stop worrying.

As long as its not Richard iii ! Growing up with big brothers there is always aggression in young boys. Whether they practice there judo moves on you or take you to the flicks and make you sit through Star wars 3 times!! Or practice overarm bowling on the cat!

He loves Horrible Histories but I think we will avoid any toys that will have him recreating their battles. Currently he enjoys walking round the house with a round cushion on his head telling everyone that he is Henry VIII!

He will grow out of it. All small boys have some aggression in them. Something else will come along to grab his attention soon.

Have you seen the new range of Horrible Histories toys? Romans and Egyptians, with the odd Ghengis Kahn and William the Conqueror thrown in for good measure! (Latest craze with mine)

He has toys beyond measure. DS and DDiL were the last in their group to have a family and their friends have inundated them with their children's outgrown toys. He used to enjoy building bricks and playing with a toy farm but once dressing up as a knight or Viking arrived in his life......

His older sister's play is almost entirely based on role play and her aunt, who is a good dressmaker has made her a number of dresses to accommodate all the different people she pretends to be and we all thought that he too should have an opportunity to dress up so it started with a knights outfit, he also looks indefensible cute in his cavaliers costume, but he has just concentrated on the possession of the weapons. Before that being scary was a dominant feature of his play and this is an extension of scariness

DGS is also fascinated by animals from insects to elephants. Slugs and snails are often brought into the house for everyone to admire and a bumble bee crawling drunkenly across the grass from clover flower to clover flower was cause for five minutes concentrated watching while I was there but sooner or later it is back to the axe and the sword and the killing, stabbing and slashing.

I think he should be playing with other toys as well. Has he got plenty of Playmobile/building site vehicles/fire engines/ambulances etc etc.

They all love being knights and cowboys, but it shouldn't be too dominant.

I loved playing with guns as a child as well Deedaa, even though in other ways I was a bit of a wuss. I also loved running around the woods and climbing trees (I was rubbish but determined). One of my sons loved toy guns, the other wasn't interested. I think we should celebrate little boys' energy and otherness as long as they are not aggressive to others. I feel just as concerned for little girls who are expected to be quiet and good and are not encouraged to find their own limits. I think there is a danger that because children have so little freedom these days they have fewer opportunities to just run wild. There was something to be said for those unregulated 1950s childhoods.

DGS has spent most of his life dressed as a knight or a superhero causing death and destruction wherever he goes. His best friend has never shown any interest in either the costumes or the weapons and is much happier practising his reading and writing.When he first started I used to try and join in, and die realistically. He would look at me condescendingly and say "It's only pretend Granny".

I never played with girls' toys when I was little, but spent a lot of time playing cowboys and indians with the boys. My hero was Roy Rogers. One of my most treasured toys was a very realistic flintlock pistol. So far I have not turned to a career in armed crime.

I think that there has been some research into this type of play and the conclusion is it is not a symptom of any future aggressive behaviour. I think it also concluded that removing or avoiding weapon play was a bit useless as kids just create their own!

DGS does nothing to hurt anybody, there is no real physical contact, it is just that currently all his play is stabbing, killing slashing accompanied by just that vocal description of his play as he does it. Having had a son who never showed any interest in playing 'bang bang you're dead' games and gathered from MiL that DH never had any interest in such games either, the intensity and unremitting nature of DGS's behaviour is disconcerting, especial as his parents are both peacekeepers by nature.