spending the kids inheritance

Not "owed". Never that.

But we should expect some loving consideration.

It's a two-way thing though j08.
There are parents who apparently want little to do with their grown-up children - why should those children be particularly considerate towards those parents?

I used to get frazzled trying to keep two sets of parents happy on a weekend, children should not have this pressure. If I went to my parents, his were unhappy, if I went to his then I cared more for his family than my own.

It sounds as though you had two sets of rather manipulative parents Harri

DH is from a very large family and they liked to gather together. My children were the only GC my parents had, so in a way I understand their point of view but it didn't make it any easier. As a very young mother I just wanted to be at home with DH and babies.

Surely our adult relationship with our children is formed in their childhood? Yes, of course I realise that every family can have an 'awkward ' child, whatever the problem may be, but overall the child is father to the man/woman.

I had kind loving caring parents, as did DH and visiting them regularly, whether when we were first married and they were in their early 50s or later when they needed our help was always because our relationship was based on love and affection and we wanted to visit them or have them visit us. They were simply just part of our family. The idea of any obligation was never voiced because it never occurred to any of us.

We have the same relationship with our children. Our DS and family live 200 miles away and we see them every six weeks or so and are in contact almost daily. the same with our daughter, who lives 100 miles away and has just organised a very enjoyable outing for us as a birthday present and who will becoming on holiday with us next week when we go to France. Our DDil has exactly the same relationship with her family.

Eloethan I am very sorry if my post came across as smug. I was really responding to the title of the thread and didn't read Rojon's post properly. I see now that the main thrust is that she is feeling neglected by her DCs. Sorry. Parent children relationships can be so difficult, can't they? 3 of my DCs live in England (I live in N.Ireland) so we only see them about 3 or 4 times a year. DD3 lives 5 miles away and we see her children a lot as we are involved in their care. We have had plenty of family troubles to deal with so don't FEEL smug!
I'm new to this posting business so please don't be too hard on me

Judthepud2 I didn't think your comments were smug but eminently sensible and my approach is similar to yours - sorry if you interpreted my (perhaps too outspoken) remark as being directed at you.

Surely the OP said that she should have spent the windfall on herself and this implies that she expected them to be attentive by return.

I'm not sure it implies that at all. It seems to me that the OP is just sad and disappointed that she does not see her children more often. Surely it's understandable that an element of resentment has crept in, given that she has helped out in the past?

I have to agree with Eloethan !

Another thumbs up for Eloethan's take on this op and discussion. It's great to know that so many gransnetter's have loving, supportive and happy relationships with their adult children. That's what everyone wants I'm sure, but as other threads have shown, not everyone is so fortunate. I agree that the word "smug" sounds a bit harsh, but hope it led some people to reflect on their comments.

The problem here seems to me to be a mismatch between the title of the thread and the actual content of Rogon's original post. Gransnet tweets are still coming through "are you spending the kids' inheritance?" which misled me and probably others into posting positive stories rather than focusing on Rogon's distress at being neglected by her DCs. I have 'reflected' on my post and apologise for any upset caused to Rogon.

Yes, Rijon is sad, and the money is only part of it - the "presenting problem". Hope we have said something helpful!

Oh, sorry, rojon not even a typo!