Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

goose Unconventional is good! Why don't you try to ignore your dd's 'reaction' in the same way? Just accept the inevitable slow response for what it is. (I know it's easier said than done though)

I'm friends with a young man at work who tells me that his mother may take up to a month to return a phone call or message from him or his sister. He says she is of the "no news is good news" brigade. He says she really is a "free spirit" and concedes that he doesn't know anyone else with a mother like that. He seems quite happy with it, laughs and shakes his head when he talks about his mum.

Goose you sound "perfect" for GN.............LOL lol pink hair! sounds wonderful

Well, it was quite nice in the end. We had Xmas dinner on the Xmas eve evening and they stayed until about 3pm on Xmas day, then Angel next door had invited me to share their Xmas dinner in the evening. Had a lovely time , even the old git was in a pleasant mood (unheard of Might have been helped by the fact I provided wine and champagne which mellowed him.

Goose you describe yourself as 'old school' but then go on to say that you wear DMs, have pink hair and tattoos!

It's not surprising that your daughters don't toe the line on conventional Xmas niceties!

Ya can't have it all ways!

So glad you had an enjoyable time Galen. perhaps you are finally charming the OG

Hi, everyone just took my dogs out and the little devils vanished, and became deaf to the whistle, I managed to trudge up the field, lost wellie at one point, soggy grass and mud not nice to tread on, reclaimed wellie still no dogs, panicking now, its getting darker still no sign of them. Made it to top of field and one of them Mags is about 300 yds down the mountain path but no sign of Jac, he's only 11 months old and as daft as a brush. Got Mags on her lead marched well sort of marched down mountain path and there is Jac sitting down looking up into the sky at a seagull!!!.
I said quite a lot under my breath with muddy foot in wellie as we came home. I wish I drank I would have had a double.

The little beggars, they know how to wind up mum and they succeeded!

riverwalk point taken (I think). Perhaps 'old school' isn't the right description, but I love writing and receiving letters (which is a rarity now days as it's all done soullessly on line) however I haven't got out of the habit of replying too quickly, because to me a letter is the equivalent of an on-going conversation, and I'm eager to get responses/reactions. My daughters are all conventional, so no, I don't have it all ways

Well GN's its almost the end of boxing day and thank you for your support, it has made Christmas on my own more bearable than I thought it would be, you have lifted my spirits and kept me going, just the week end and New Year to get through
The weather forecast for tomorrow is bad so I think my DS will come on Saturday, I know I will cry when I see him, so no makeup on, panda eyes is not a good look, and with wrinkles even worse. It will just be so wonderful to hug him... nothing thank goodness from DH since Xmas eve. am just about to let the dogs out for their last... the wind has got up and its lashing it down with rain, don't think they will be out in that for long. going to wind down now with a last hot drink and maybe a bit of reading, so good night everyone.

withany you have been amazing. Just look at where you were two weeks ago and where you are now. You're a strong lady .I'm glad your DH didn't contact you - that would have been unsettling. Soon be Saturday . One thing worrying me is if/when your DH runs out of money , please make sure he can't clean you out.
Sleep tight. Hugs x

withany it's Friday night and you have made it, as we all have. Some easier than others but made it nonetheless. I would imagine quite a few tears have been shed, some in self pity, some in reflective regret and some in anger. All are valid and I would imagine a form of relief. Tomorrow is Saturday. New years eve will be another hurdle with all kinds of imaginings of fun and jolly times others will be having while we are not and hopefully we will get over that too. Please feel free to let your feelings be known it may just help you cope.
I have not seen or spoken to anyone face to face since Christmas eve so am looking forward to work on 2nd January but I find coming on here when I'm feeling sorry for myself helps. You will get there with or without help and do heed what Kate has said. Sadly ex's have a tendency to make unreasonable demands when they have left a relationship and the law is not designed to be fair just legal so please ensure you are protected.

Hi PS you are right, we have made it this far, you are also right about the tears, mostly self pity, frustration not knowing why he did this, and fear for the future. I feel very vulnerable, not sure where I want to move too, can I really start all over again. Seems like I will either be alone in Buckinghamshire with elderly cousins and 3 old reliable friends, or on my own in Cambridgeshire near youngest son and family. Frightened of making the wrong choice. Like you PS I haven't seen a sole today, I did have telephone calls from a couple of friends and a lovely Skype with my DGD on Christmas day. Yesterday was got through. Today I am tearful, tomorrow my son and family are coming early afternoon I'm a 4 hour drive away from him. Sunday, when they go, I will have to stop myself getting in the car and going home with them.
DH and new love. Of his life have not posted any musical duets, on YKC in fact DH posted a old song, said he hadn't posted to the site in a month.
She was conspicuous by her absence (she is a moderator on the site) whilst they were in Washington, then Harrisonburg, onto Lafayette, then back to her home in McGaheysville. She also posted an old recording. There has been no announcement, even just to say DH is visiting from UK just nothing. Find that a bit odd, wonder if his health problems have kicked in, the truth is probably they are so wrapped up with each other, they haven't recorded anything yet. Sorry everyone back in the doldrums, no good with my own company. God forbid if he had died, I could grieve and at least feel that I was loved. As it is, I just feel unloved, unwanted, with a wasted life (except for our children and their children) and a very uncertain future. This loneliness is a brutal house mate.

withany hang on in there. Sadly there are no words which will be of comfort to you when you feel as you do. I and many others have been there so understand how you feel. Just take it hour by hour and day by day and if you need to shed a tear do so. You have described all the emotions I had a year ago and as someone on here told me you may never get to know the reason why but I accept that is the question you want answered above all else; I'm pleased to hear your son is visiting tomorrow.
Feeling unloved, unwanted and having wasted a life is a natural reaction and I'm sorry to say a feeling which may last for a long time yet. I am 14 months in on 2nd January & still feel like that. It's probably worse when you know you had no say in what happened. Your point regarding if he had died is a valid one and in many ways preferable in the sense that at least you could grieve in the knowledge that he was gone. As it is you are grieving but in the knowledge that he is still alive and in your mind having a wonderful time in a lovey dovey world. You must try not to think of things like that it will only inflict more pain.
Do not make any hasty decisions regarding your future although the temptation is to do so. Be careful what you say and agree too when the time comes too as it will be used against you when push comes to shove. I adored my ex and gave her everything she wanted and continued to do so after she left and moved in with her boyfriend she even got me to state various things in writing regarding assets etc. which is now being used against me by her solicitors so please be aware. Not that you will be able to stop yoursel if you feel anything like I did but forewarned is forearmed.
Try to stay positive and I wish you the very best and a peacefull night - I know its hard think of anything but them. Bless you, I just wish I could take some of that hurt away from you, I know how it is eating away at you.

ps that was a lovely and sincere reply to withany's last.

withany re moving, maybe you could do what I have done each time I have viewed a house when moving was on the cards. If I saw a house that I liked I would write down the pluses and negatives. You should do that for Bucks and Cambridgeshire. I do not know the price of houses or flats in each but that comes into the equation as well. Good luck.

Ps . Can you not get out for a walk or even a pint in your local? I know from my time as landlady there will always be someone to chat to. How about joining a bowls club or similar. Getting out and about does not leave you as much time to brood on the past. Withany when my husband left me my family were 70 miles away and it was my close friends who got me through it so think carefully before you move away and do not make any hasty decisions. My husband cleared our bank accounts so please protect yourself financially. I know how hard it is but you will get through it.

seasider thank you for the thought. As much as I know I should get out (I used to love walking) my brain just will not allow me. My ex and I used to walk along the river (I live adjascent to a country park along the River Weaver) so memories are such that I have become agoraphobic and just stay indoors. I'm sure it will get better with time at least I hope so.
As for a pint I'm afraid I have not touched alcohol for 14 months (medication and all that) and to be honest never frequented pubs other than for a meal and social drink with my ex and perhaps work. When I lived in Hampshire (a test valley village) the local pub was the hub of the village so often popped in. Sadly my life now is unrecognisable to what it was and I guess that is another side to how I feel. I am determined to recapture my life, I have never given in to anything in my entire life, however its just times such as these when isolated and alone when the darker side comes to the fore; consequently I can feel for those going through similar feelings. You are right however I know I need to get out and to socialise, god knows my doctor & psychotherapist tell me often enough but as withany will know what we know we should do is not what the brain permits us to do. Hopefully time is the healer all claim it is.

LOL Goose - I used to have green hair till I had to attend court and give evidence in a trial (my daughter had been assaulted) and decided that green hair might not be a good look. Never went back to it but considering it now. Both daughters are encouraging me to return to green hair, but I fear comments from MIL and others - it never used to bother me but I'm a bit more sensitive these days, dagnabbit!

Recognise the 'paranoia mountain' you talk about....!

I am learning to keep my marf shut and am trying to keep guilt tripping to a minimum - my mother was the Queen of Guilt Trips and used to send me 'Are you Dead?' letters when I was a student if I didn't phone every week (I had to use a phone box as we didn't have our own). If I am hurt by my daughters' actions or lack of them, I try to deal with them without Casting Nasturtiums, but it's not always easy or possible and I am still learning and getting it wrong!

Good luck ps.Hope 2014 is your year

Hi, my DS DiL and DGD have just left, I smiled and waved them off, watched them till they were out of sight came in and cried my eyes out. The dogs are not used to little people, my little pup was frightened and barked at GD that made her cry, GD seemed very sensitive to them barking, every time they barked she cried, now DS worrying about her being frightened of dogs and mine have not been socialised with children and so on. To be honest, the dogs did nothing but have a bark, when they arrived, and when DS was bringing in case and so on they were not happy, and followed him everywhere, but they are dogs they look after me, and their home, the pup very interested in any sort of food and chocolate Jaffa cakes were being wafted under his nose, well above it actually he is an 11 month old King Charles Cavalier spaniel. So he sat and looked at her and gave a little woof asking to be included in the snack, she cried at that as well. DS and DiL did their best to reassure DGD, but I am now so wound up, son saying well that's cut the visits by 80% DGD will not want to come now. All the rest of the visit was lovely the dogs wanted to be stroked and petted which my DS and DiL did just DGD that was nervous. They had a Bassett which passed a year ago but she was quite old when DGD was born, so she didn't rush around barking at a leaf falling from the tree. I did try to say well of course they aren't socialised with children, we don't have any. and there are no children near so apart from finding a school they are not likely too. Anyway I am more upset by DS comments than I think I am being left on my own again.
I am nearly 4 hours drive from them, so moving nearer to them is part of the enforced move option, but if GD is going to have a problem with the dogs, won't be a lot of point in me doing that. I don't know, what way to jump at the momentI know I am going to have to move on eventually, its getting my head round this rejection and coldness after 45 years, it just seems like madness. I cannot turn off my emotions like a tap and I am having trouble accepting that DH can, and has. Like PS says perhaps its just a matter of time, at least I feel angry which is better than feeling nothing, I think that must have been shock that made me feel numb. Anyway GNs thank you for letting me get this off my chest, I just feel fed up, and far from home.

withany You say your husband has moved on, but has he. At the moment he is in a different country with a new woman with all the interest that entails, but once he returns to UK he won't have that excitement and when he is sitting in his flat all alone, having to cook his own meals he may feel very different.

If your DS feels uncomfortable bringing your DGD for visits, perhaps you could arrange for the dogs to be in another room when they arrive and then gradually introduce them to her. She was probably startled by them when they were so boisterous when she arrived and it made her nervous. If they can be introduced to her gradually she will get used to them and they will get used to her. Do talk it over with your DS as I am sure he doesn't want you to feel left out and he wouldn't want your DGD to grow up afraid of dogs.

withany sunseeker has echoed exactly what I was thinking. Can I respectfully suggest that your emotions and trepidation are possibly hindering your ability to see the bigger picture and what needs to be done. If the problem is dogs or grandchild then there really is no contest. You can lavish all the love and affection on the dogs after grandaughter has left. The dogs will not mind. Unfortunately I do understand that because of how you feel the minutest of problems will appear to be major issues with no resolution seemingly possible. It's symptomatic of how you feel and sadly there is no quick fix I'm afraid other than to conciously sit down & try to focus on each stage of the situation and possible solution. Far easier said than done if at all possible without help.
The only reason your husband has appeared to be able to put aside the last 45 years is because he has a distraction, he has not had to dwell on what he has lost or what he has betrayed. Sadly you are laden with all that burden and will be for many months to come just remember that a problem shared is a problem halved so do pour your heart out to any one or all of us, the least we can do is lend an ear and support.

Thank you both for your kind thoughts, I walked the furry monsters and came home and felt a little more orientated. You are quite right Sunseeker, we didn't introduce the dogs to GD because she had met them both individually, she is quite a petite little thing and as time passes she will grow bigger, it was the noise of them barking that seemed to be the problem not that they were aggressive in anyway, and I'm sure everything will be o.k. but I will bear in mind that suggestion Sunseeker.
My DGD missed her granddad and said he was very naughty, she loved me very much and she would live with me if I wanted her too, lump in throat time She drew me a lovely picture I am stood underneath a rainbow, she says that is what I am like!when she thinks of me she thinks of a rainbow...
As for DH, who knows this all seems more and more contrived, he didn't have to rush off to America he could have got divorce started and so on but he ran, and in effect he has left me to dangle in the wind. I can do nothing until he is back in the country, in the meantime he has his new home, he is spending our money giving her a good time, and he is having the 3 months trial with her, as it were to see if things would work out. I do wonder that if it doesn't, if he is going to come back and try the nervous breakdown card? I think the next few weeks will be the telling time after meeting, and the festivities life goes back to normal, DH may not like her normality.
In the meantime, I am making lists of things I cannot be parted from and have to come with me when I move, I will have to be brutal and that will be the hardest thing ditching the 'thing' and the memories attached to it.PS you know exactly how the dog comment felt, every tiny thing becomes magnified, as you so rightly say there is no quick fix I am only 9 weeks in and no doubt there is a lot more to come, it is a real comfort to know someone somewhere is hearing what you are say, and listening.

withany i find it telling that the love of his life has not invited him to move in with her or has he?

What do you want, would you prefer that he stays out there or if it all falls apart, he comes back to this country and lives in the flat he acquired? Would that not be too close for comfort?

It takes ages to sort through paperwork, items, clothes etc. so if you can bare it, now is the time to start. I am well aware that it is not easy and a few tears will be shed en route.

Whatever you decide, with the help of your solicitor, we are all behind you.

Well as far as I know he is staying with her on their own in her house, as I say he is trying her out!
I need him to come back to start divorce, what he does when that happens is up to him, he may want to go back to her, but he can't for 90 days, if he wants to move out there, I suspect he wouldn't pass the medical, and she would have to say she would support him, his state pension won't be enough, all of that takes time, she is 72 he is 66, but I really have no idea which way he will go. I have no intention of staying here in Wales, I want to go home to Buckinghamshire.
You are quite right about starting now with the clearing out, but I am going to get clarification from solicitor what I can dispose of safely, without DH having a say.
My list of questions for her gets longer by the day, let's hope she has the answers.