Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

You're a strong and brave woman, withany. I love that last sentence of yours.

I think I would let the house and get some tenants in before he gets back! And rent one nearer to your family.

This thread is uplifting for me. I'm facing Christmas No.2 totally on my own, which after 20+ years of giving the best time I could afford to my three girls after their father deserted us. This loneliness hurts. Now my children have deserted me and will be yet again be spending the 'festive season' with their father, who can afford to give them more than I can, taking my grandchildren, who I've never met, with them. Deep down inside I try and believe I really don't deserve this, I'm not that wicked, I'm just poor.
Having someone to 'chat' to on here will help the 24th-26th December (Ho, Ho, Ho) go a little easier….

GOOSE , may I send you good wishes across the miles .
VERY GOOD KARMA to you

xx

Life can be an absolute b*gger sometimes, Goose - all the best to you.

We grans are tough old birds - you'll be fine Goose!

Oh Goose life can be really sh***y. Don't be alone .There are loads of lovely grans who will be here for you not just at Christmas. These are for you with a big hug

Thank you for your kind words. Friends have suggested I contact the local Sally Army to see if I can help them out over the Festive Season. Has anyone else on GN helped out in this way? The only problem I foresee with the cunning plan is that I haven't a car and I think help may be required in the nearest city, which I can't get to

Goose

I tried to offer my services to a charity a couple of years ago but they appeared to have everything sorted by September. A slight exaggeration but you get the gist. Goose transport could be a problem if you do not have a car but there are other days when they may want your help although I can appreciate why you want to be extra busy on that particular day.

withany Goose You two have been through it ((((hugs))))
I shall not actually be alone on Christmas day but given my DH I might just as well be and I will look in.

Do come on here it's a good place there is usually someone around. GN is good if you want to offload, get advice, or just feel in need of a hug. It can get pleasantly silly as well.

Oh dear goose, have a hug from me, and some I am doing it for the first time this year, but hang on in there it will get better
I keep telling myself that and with the help of the gransnet folk we will both get through this together.

withanyand Goose we're all here for you. Stick with us

I think DD and SIL and DGDs are coming for at least one day? But I don't know for sure and I don't know if they do when or for how long!
I don't like to nag them to decide, but honestly, I do have to plan and shop! Grrrrrrr!

Forgive me for being so blunt but I simply can't understand the selfishness of some people. Why (unless you were quite literally in the other side of the world) would you leave your mother, grandmother,sister whatever on their own at Christmas? How could you enjoy the day knowing that someone you are supposed to love is sitting alone? Perhaps it's just me?

No it's not just you Gilly I can't understand it either.

Galen that is unreasonable. Sometimes us independent mothers end up doing too much of a good job. Kids end up thinking we don't have feelings at all. Meanwhile across the "poor little me" mother is getting made a fuss of.
I know your DD has a toddler and a relatively new baby, but there is absolutely nothing overly demanding or weak about saying "I'm really hoping to see you over the Christmas period darling so can we talk about this - I'd like to make a plan"

That is unreasonable Galen. Luckily, my daughters like to plan too so we don't have that problem. One of my brothers, on the other hand............

So hard to be on your own for Christmas when you're not choosing it so thoughts for all those who will be. Galen, I too have a commitment phobic daughter who doesn't like to be tied to plans or decide far in advance what she's doing. Doesn't like it if I'm then busy. I agree Jess that as mothers some of us probably appear independent and coping fine. It's difficult to change the habits of a lifetime and no one wants to appear needy. Good luck with it Galen, hope you get a reply soon

Galen Can you invent an invitation that you would take up if she is not coming - though assure her that you would much rather see her, of course - so you would like to know for certain that she will be there?

Or just ask right out so that you can get in the shopping. surely she will answer a straight question?

JesM is right, the "poor little me" mothers get smothered with attention ("Couldn't possibly miss seeing mother on Christmas Day - she would be devastated"). The independent ones who don't complain are assumed to be fine on their own.

I don't think anyone should be made to feel "needy" or a "poor little me mother" whatever one of those is? Are people really so busy and wrapped up in their own little world that they can't give a few hours on one (special) day of the year?

Unbelievable !

Not having had children I don't have the problems that many of you have, but I am on my own.

I found last year that I was happy enough on my own, I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted, I had lunch when I wanted to and decided on the spur of the moment to go for a walk across the fields to work off some of the extra calories! I have received invitations again this year but I will be staying home. I will come on to GN at some point.

Galen I understand your frustration, but I would have thought by now your DD should know what their plans are. I would ask her outright (I know you are a shrinking violet usually )

I always feel sad on Boxing Day when my son, daughter and grandchildren go to my ex in laws for a couple of days, meeting up with my ex, his sister and my ex nieces and their children. They were very much my only family and I still have an open invitation to stay there but the S.O. would be very hurt so I spend Boxing Day with his mother [he would expect the invitation to extend to him]. I so wish that he'd tell me to go one year while the family is still intact [one of them has been quite poorly] because he does have friends and family of his own whereas I don't. My son would love me to go with them [he even arranged it one year but I had to decline]. I know it's horribly selfish of me to feel sad, given that so many people will be alone, but the girls were very special to me and I'd love to get to know their children better. I'm going to tell my son not to come here on Christmas Day as he's driving here there and everywhere on Christmas Day and I'd rather he travelled to Wales from Yorkshire rather than stopping off here just for a couple of hours. We all have a get together on my birthday anyway [but I'm not a great one for birthdays and, if given the choice, would ignore the day completely]. Goose, I'll be around here on Christmas Day; we must get a Christmas Day chat thread up and running .

Not meaning that we are needy gilybob - but us grown up mothers do have feelings - even if some of us (and I count myself in this group) put forward a strong and self-sufficient surface. I can think of women I know who don't - it's not nice to behold but somewhere in the middle there must be a balance.

Tegan surely you can go one year to one lot, the next year to the other? SO's mother can understand that you need to do that, then see her as soon as possible on another day. You do not have to give up your own traditions to embrace your other half's patterns completely.