If you feel bullied

Fully support your view penstemmon, very well put.

I do know you worked in schools Penstemmon and my remark was not addressed to you. But you will be familiar with Kidscape and I have worked with them. Every school has bullying and it's great that you knew that and tackled it.

Perhaps Ana I'm delusional as I have been bullied on GN and I know what you mean

I have been personally attacked and called names (incidentally not by someone who has changed her name) Probably could find the thread if I could be arsed bothered. Instead I decided that the next time this person stuck verbal pins in me, I'd just pull them out and stuck them back in her. That's called retaliation and standing up to the bully. She knows who she is and I've seen her at work again on several other people in different threads.

So unless you're the one under attack and crying into your fish and chips, shepherds pie or corned beef hash, then believe and count yourself lucky.

Aka I really don't think it is at all helpful to make serious assertions about another poster in that way, even if you didn't name them.
Accusing someone of sticking verbal pins into you, and claiming you have seen them 'at work' on other posters sounds to me quite unpleasant, even though I have no idea who you are talking about.

Ana I am tough..having been a teacher for years! You can't ever please all the parents all the time!! Not sure what you mean by 'group exercise' do you mean generally or on GN?? Gangs can bully ..but usually there is a gang leader who has bullied the gang members to behave in a particular way. That does happen in schools sometimes.

I do think that there needs to be more understanding on how to combat bullying..wherever it happens... victims need to learn how to respond differently as much as the bully need to learn to behave differently.

Sorry you feel that way Jane but it is the truth. And if I'm not allowed to speak from personal experience then what's the point.

No, it wasn't 'pleasant' for me either. In fact it was very unpleasant.

I remember you being bullied Aka and you are not exaggerating. A few of us felt it necessary to jump to your defence at the time, as it was so blatant. It certainly went beyond 'disagreement'.

Thank you Nightowl

It is my experience that it is usually the bullies who deny that any bullying is going on. Either because they really have no understanding of what they are doing or because they know they are! Oh, and blaming the bullied for not standing up fir themselves is classic bullying behaviour.

Yes, Penstemmon, that's exactly what I meant by a 'group exercise'. It used to happen on GN a lot.

I find it hard to understand how bullying works on a forum like this. We are all adults posting by choice. Very few of us know each other personally. I have been to 3 meet ups of different groups but would not say I 'knew' any GNer very well or that they know me. That makes it hard for people to bully anyone if they wanted to because they do not know anyone's Achilles Heel!

People do post personal issues and I can see that a bully could use that information to be unkind and that could turn into bullying. However if it was done on an open forum others would see it . I cannot think that there are many people who post here who would not defend a victim of bullying even if they were chalk/cheese on various issues.

Am I too naive?

And actually, margaret did stand up for herself by walking away from a situation in which she felt she was being unfairly targeted, or bullied if you prefer. That is an effective strategy and one that is often promoted in schools. I respect her for taking that stance.

I still do not accept that it is bullying if you find yourself in a minority having posted something. If everyone else disagrees then they will post their point of view!
It is like asking a question and then being cross at the answer!

You had to be there...

nonnie It is part of any school programme to reduce bullying to teach kids how to avoid being a victim and how to be assertive. It is because some kids do not know how to respond to bullying that there are victims. It is not their fault but they can learn how to avoid being in that situation again. Kidscape have some good materials about becoming more assertive.

Is this circular thread not a thread about a thread?? And as such in contravention of the GN gudelines? It doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

I've been on forums where personal information was used to attack and intimidate posters. What happened then was very nasty. On Margaret74's thread some people opted to attack one element of her OP rather than discuss the OP as a whole. I've experienced that and it's very frustrating. It seemed to me deliberate misdirection and no amount of effort restores the argument. Unfortunately there are some subjects that will always ignite some people. It was a shame because all Margaret74 wanted was to discuss inappropriate spending by a government agency not minority issues.

So the 'victim' is to blame if they aren't assertive enough. Wow!

I agree with your post, mollie.

mollie, your comment that "all Margaret74 wanted was to discuss inappropriate spending by a government agency not minority issues" suggests that you agree that government agencies should not spend money on "minority issues".
My reading of the thread, was that some people agreed that our tax money shouldn't be spent on training or educating the work force on any issues, other than those that relate directly to their work. I was one of the posters who disagreed with that proposition.

Aka

Victims of bullying are not to blame .

Victims of bullying can learn strategies to avoid being a victim of bullying again.

Bullies need to be punished and taught better ways to behave.

Can't make my view any clearer!

I don't think those three statements could be any clearer, pen. I agree with them all.

www.kidscape.org.uk/media/152791/kspreventingbullying.pdf

From the Kidscape website, advice for parents to teach children how to stand up to bullies.

thatbags