If you feel bullied

Iam64, we'll have to accept that the meaning of a post is in the mind of the poster as well as the reader and the two may not be the same. I don't see Margaret74's post in quite the same way as you but that's fine. I don't actually have a view about either suggestion so we won't start another discussion about that here...

'It is because some kids do not know how to respond to bullying that there are victims. It is not their fault but.....'

Sorry can't agree with that statement above, especially the 'it's not their fault but...??

That was tantamount to saying victims bring it on themselves. As in 'well she was asking for it.....'

I'm glad you changed that to read 'victims of bullying are not to blame'. Much better.

Can I ask, are victims of bullying to be believed?

Because of a combination of circumstances I feel dreadful. Unfortunately when I opened the discussed thread the first and only post I read thoroughly upset me. Unfortunately I did not press the 'report' button I decided to respond with my own post. Because I was upset by the one post I decided not to continue reading the thread and didn't come back to it until much later finding that my post had been deleted (rightly so IMHO). I apologised immediately.

The reason I have gone through this yet again is to say how upset I am by all this arguing. The only bullying I am going through right now is totally in my own head. Please could we bring this to a close it has gone on long enough. Margaret deserved better and I truly hope she comes back sometime in the future.

Meanwhile I will try to use the 'report' button or ignore the thread completely should something upset me in the future.

Liz (((hugs)))

Pen please leave my last question unanswered and yes, let's draw a line under this. We've said our piece and people are getting upset.

Don't want that .

Aka Are you deliberately misrepresenting what I wrote as that is what it feels like to me.

I am surprised that you are not aware of the assertiveness training that Kidscape promotes to prevent children becoming victims or to teach them to avoid future bullying. I have used them a lot in various schools where I have worked.

You do no know if my understanding about victims of bullying and how to teach victims to avoid future bullying comes from just professional experience. Do not assume that those of us who are now more assertive have not learned how to become so as a result of personal experience.

I feel very strongly about bullying and will not tolerate it in any form.

LizG please do not feel uncomfortable. I think those of us posting are robust enough to make / take ripostes. We are responsible for our posts not you.

for you LizG

FGS Pen leave it will you. I'm not going to allow you to put words into my mouth. And if you feel you have to play the victim that's your problem

Is that assertive enough for you?. [ducks behind sofa]

I did PM you Aka to say I posted before I saw your request to draw a line.

I will let your post tell its own story.

Penstemmon, online bullying is different to playground bullying - it's far more sophisticated and you can't 'punish' the bullies to stop them doing it again!

So can I come out from behind the sofa then Pen?

I am not aware of ever having seen intentional bullying on Gransnet. If anyone has felt that I have been insensitive, I unreservedly apologise. I have never felt bullied, but then I am probably old enough to have grown a thick skin. My view is Voltaire's - that I may disagree with what you say but I will defend your right to say it.

OMG - just read that and it dose make me sound self-righteous, which I'm not.

No, I agree with Voltaire!

I think there have been instances of Gransnetters who felt that anyone disagreeing – perfectly courteously – with the opinion they have expressed, especially if they were the OP, is a bully or, possibly, part of a conspiracy or clique. Similarly, there are those who find a post correcting a factual error patronising, even when not done in a na-na-na-nana way. I also think humour can be misunderstood, as a sense of humour tends to be quite idiosyncratic. (I have given up my feeble efforts to amuse the the rest of the world.) Finally, there are real difficulties with posts that are not very clear or use a word that, it emerges way down the line, means something quite different from what the posters really intended to say.

That said, any straightforward attempts to bully – on forums or in pms – should simply be reported to GNHQ as they have no place on Gransnet.

I think we are devaluing the word "bullying" and devaluing the experience of people who have experienced bullying in its true sense. People who are being bullied at work, at school, in their communities, etc., are known to the bullies and have to face them day after day.

Occasionally some people on Gransnet can be a bit sharp with their comments or make a remark that could be perceived as critical of a person rather than of the particular issue being discussed. I would describe that as rude but not as bullying. Also, as others have said, vigorously expressing an opposing view does not constitute bullying.

Bullying is a combination of behaviour which threatens, undermines, and ridicules another person deliberately and on a regular basis until that person feels powerless, frightened, worthless, persecuted and alone. I can't recall any such campaign on Gransnet.

We are not young children and if we feel someone's comments have been rude, why can we not just say so and leave it at that?

Well said, Eloethan.

Yes. You've expressed my thoughts exactly eloethan
And no, you didn't sound self-righteous anno

Eloethan, as ever, your words are full of wisdom, reflective and considered. An example to be followed.

In my opinion I think some members can come across as rather hectoring in their - shall we say - "requests"? for further information. Add to that the implication that an inability to immediately come up with the goods is an indication of naivety and I think you have a good enough reason for someone to feel enough is enough.

Eloethan I couldn't find the words, but you did. I quite agree with your post.

What a pity m74 decided to call it a day on here. I will miss her and her entertaining posts. It is sad she has felt the need to go

Ana online bullies can be taken out of the forum so they cannot post again.

I do think if someone makes a statement

(e.g 'Everyone with grey eyes are less likely to be kind people. I know that because I saw it in a paper and I had an unkind colleague once with grey eyes')

and then others ask for more evidence to uphold the statement they should not feel bullied. It is not hectoring to say 'Where is your evidence?' 'Please send a link to show where you saw this' etc.

That, in my world, is quite normal and reasonable behaviour. To me it is totally unreasonable to make an unsubstantiated assertion about something and then get sensitive when people disagree! We are all entitled to make a statement but not entitled to a huff if challenged unless it is a personal comment rather than a request for clarification or more information.

Please, please, please, can we call it a day on this now?

Absolutely Penstemmon. You have explained the protocols of posting extremely lucidly.