I upset DD

This discussion brings back unpleasant memories! All through my teenage years, and indeed right up to the time I married and left home, my mother used to search my room regularly - what was she looking for? - coming back from work one evening I found that she had been into my clothes and put everything in different drawers. This particularly maddened me as I was very tidy and particular about how my stuff was stored. She also read all my letters and my diary - I took to keeping private items at work! I discovered many years later that she had never given up the habit and whenever she babysat with my children she used to search not only my paperwork but also my then husband's papers: she did the same in my brother's house - my sister-in-law took to locking away their bank statements. The concept of privacy was entirely foreign to her; she never changed. And yet she was a person who expected her children to respect and love her!

How awful Sussexpoet. My mother used to seach my room for my diary when I was a teenager, so it was a bit of a 'cat and mouse' existence..... a different hding place everyday. It was only to find out if I smoked or did something' silly' with a boyfriend.... Mum speak for illicit sex! How innocent it all was in the latefifties/early sisties.

When I left home(asap) she gave up trying to keep track of me, thank God. I think that's why I feel as if I'm walking on broken glass with my own DDs

Do you think keeping it zipped is always the right thing to do, even when something is really upsetting you or you feel that an injustice has been done? Sometimes the unfairness of things that happen bring me to boiling point and I burst out with something which then upsets the apple cart.

I had to empty my mother's fridge as it was almost full with out of date foods. She has bad eyesight and could not see the mould and gunge growing around some of the pots which dated back many years. She is very independent and stubborn but I was afraid for her health.

I would never go through my DD fridge though and turf things out.

My adult son does make comments about stuff in our fridge but he lives here so I suppose he does have a right.

KatyK, what sort of thing do you mean?

Do you feel you are being treated unfairly, or is it some unfairness you see happening to someone else?

elena - I mean just generally, in relationships.

I think you should sometimes say what you really think. You may have to wrap it up a bit of course.

Very difficult to keep zipped some times but it has to be done, although if they want to discuss anything I am more than happy to listen and advise. I am finding that as I age, the tables are turning and I am the one receiving the advice!
I wouldn't dream of interfering at DD1's house. SiL is the chief cook and bottle washer there and I quite enjoy just sitting back and being a bit lazy for a change. When I visit DD2 in Oz, I usually tackle the fridge, larder and kitchen cupboards on about Day 3. It's become a joke - the annual spring clean and she is more than happy for me to do it. I also become Widow Twanky for the duration and take over the ironing too. It's the same when visiting DD3. She always has so much washing piled up everywhere, so I roll up my sleeves and set-to; it seems to take up most of the day. On the plus side, two SiL's take over the cooking when they stay with me which is lovely.

My elder DD goes through my cupboards and separates out stuff past their dead by date. I just put them back but use them first. I have jam that's years out of date and the HP sauce is so out of date I cleaned the date off so I did not see it. It tastes fine. It's full of vinegar anyway.

I do interfere sometimes but it's well intentioned and I don't think it causes too much angst. If my son or daughter thought I was really out of order, they would just calmly tell me or make a joke about it. Crikey, we're human beings, not saints.

I would not go so far as my mum did many years ago when she re-arranged all our sitting room furniture.