I upset DD

Not just mothers - my daughters and son do it, and one son-in-law is particularly enthusiastic. I don't look at the dates in their fridges, they are so much fussier than me.

Quite right too! In our house it's usually the other way round as I am very relaxed about "best before"dates. DD1 used to raid my fridge and throw away (to my mins) perfectly edible stuff- at least once you scraped the green bits off. DD2 did the same but then used to take the spoils back to her student flat in London.
But DDs' own kitchens now they are grown up? I would tread more warily!!

Oh dear! Where angels fear to tread Petallus......... I would tender a genuine heartfelt apology asap and resolve not to venture into such a minefield again! Good luck!

Grovel. Smile, buy flowers/ chocs/ perfume. Maybe your DD thinks your a tad over the top with out of date stuff in the fridge.

I do it to DD2 (40) but wouldn't to DD1(45). DD2 tells everyone I am a mad fanatic about food hygiene and laughs it off. DD1 probably wouldn't need it but I have offered to cull her wardrobe - she would fight me off with cudgels. I still think whatever age they need a Mums advice but depends on the relationship whether you can actually go through their fridge or not! I'm sure this will mend itself with some good humour.

I think you overstepped the mark, sorry. Your DD, at 46, is hardly a student who needs to be guided in the kitchen department.

Mothers and daughters hey;) - yes, grovel, have a drink together and a laugh, and say you were just trying to help- because you admire so much how she manages to cope and could never do it yourself, etc. Don't let it fester ... but yes, i tread very carefully around DD1's kitchen and fridge... DD2's is always perfect and immaculate- they are like chalk and cheese those 2:

Grovel, grovel and grovel again!!

My son goes through my cupboards for out-dated things like spices. I don't mind. I don't have to do it for him as he's an ex-chef. I occasionally throw out something from other DS's fridge but not when he or his partner is present. They don't even notice!

I would chuck out stuff that was actually rotting or covered in mould, but maybe suggest the rest needs eating up ASAP.

My DD is probably not one to take offence. I am not too fussy about sell by dates.

My DD keeps all sorts in her fridge. She will quite happily use green potatoes, and cuts the mouldy bits off other veg. and uses them. She says we are all too fussy about use by dates. They are a modern invention, to keep the turnover at the supermarket going. Her family are all very healthy. I would not presume to throw anything away for her. They live on a very limited budget since her DH left the Navy. Yes petallus I would grovel, and make amends the best way you know how.

I would have expressed my concern quite forcefully but not gone any further than that.

Naughty step for petallus

Appreciate comments. I'm trying to have an honest think about myself. I wonder if I'm a bit too bossy/interfering in other ways with my DDs.

My mother used to arrive for a visit bringing her own rubber gloves and clean dusters. I was working full time, so this would be during school holidays. She would then wade in and tackle the housework, ironing etc to meet her standards. "You are so busy, I am just doing this to help you" was her mantra.

And it was SO difficult - having the house immaculate was indeed a gift, but it felt more and more like implied criticism, and I never knew how to deal with it. And of course, when she went home, I had great guilt as the house slipped down to my standards!

I never said anything, and now I am glad I didn't. But for me, a senior professional person, with a staff who looked up to and respected me, it was a regression to childhood and "mummy knows best."

Just to end - her classic comment, said with great delight, bless her was "I've found out how to get behind the cooker!" Ah, mum...

Just a word on sell by dates- DH recently had two very bad stomach aches after eating past their sell by date Activia yogurts - must have been the active bacteria proliferating in his stomach etc- it was very painful and lasted several hours.

I would not dare do this! But then, I do have daughters-in-law, no daughters.

Oh stop worrying now P. You obviously get on very well with her or you wouldn't have been invited to stay. Buy her a nice lunch, or a cup of tea and a bit of cake.

How on earth did we survive before use by dates?

I used to have to go through my mother's fridge and throw out stuff that was weeks out of date. She used to tell people she had IBS but after her stroke when I became responsible for her meals the IBS disappeared.....funny that!

I wouldn't dream of looking at the dates in my grown up children's fridges.

Ha Ha! This is getting to be an expensive apology. We've had suggestions of flowers, wine, chocolates and now lunch???

Cheaper to keep schtum

I find I have to be really careful when offering to 'help' my DD. She works full time and has to take my DGD to lots of activities etc. I am retired and have quite a lot of time on my hands. I have offered to pop into hers in the day and do her ironing or whatever she needs to be done. She always says no thank you. I see it as an offer of help to make her life easier, she sees it as me implying that she can't manage.

petallus forgive yourself! Recently my daughter punished me by not contacting me for 2 weeks (when we normally speak or text most days) because I said her hair looked scruffy. She put me in my place very firmly by letting me know she was no longer "9 years old" and she could do with her hair whatever the hell she liked. (She's 36).

I also grovelled, back pedalled etc. She was really cross with me though. Also said she felt criticised. I backed off after saying sorry and soon things were back to normal.

We're off to see Gone Girl together this evening .

Yes, I'd grovel a bit and try to make a light-hearted joke about it. Tell her you'll go and sit on the naughty step
I remember my cleaner (in the days I worked and could afford one) chucking all my herbs and spices out that were past their sell by/use by/whatever date. I wasn't happy but hey ho it's not the end of the world

Grannyknot - I was in a similar position not too long ago. I made the mistake of letting my DD know I wasn't keen on one of her group of friends. She was furious. She told me in no uncertain terms that she was in her 40s and wouldn't be told who she could and couldn't see. I have learned to keep it zipped.