Christmas Crackers

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one

Sorry sent it twice

What did the sea Say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!



I hope you're all gringing nicely by now. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without some wonderfully gringeworthy jokes.

I put a gold watch X's Mother had given me when DD was born into DD's last year, she is not the crying type but there where a few tears then

I'm gonna say that one to my GSs tomorrow VQ.

Just got round to reading this thread. Love the jokes especially your snowman link jings

What does Santa do with fat elves?

He sends them to an Elf Farm!

Thank you for the giggles ladies. I have just passed on selected ones to DGS (aged 5) and also to our vicar who puts jokes in his sermons.

Why couldn't the cat work her DVD player?
Because she kept hitting the 'paws' button.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

I am hopeless at remembering jokes, but will have to try to remember some of these for the DGC.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses! (Boom boom!)

Can I pinch that one for DD please, Katek!

And keep them going, everyone, brilliant

I'm going to stuff a liqueur chocolate or two into our crackers. Hope it works!

Pinch away!

Don't leave them near the radiator papa

I could do myself serious damage with liqueur chocolates, but what a way to go!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws

Which bird can write?
A pen-guin.

Wat do you call an elf who sings?
Elfis!!

What says Oh Oh Oh?

Santa walking backwards!

Why did the karate instructor admire Santa?

Because he had a black belt.

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?

Santa going through a revolving door!

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?


Because it 'soots' him!

Papa, we have bought the cheapest, biggest crackers we could for some years now. We then put some nice chocs and a scratch card in each one.