Gransnet forums



(189 Posts)
Ginette6957 Fri 16-Jan-15 12:34:23

Im very lonely. Im not a grandmother yet but I feel I would be able to contribute as I have looked after my siblings when younger and communicate with my nieces and offer advice/support. My loneliness stems from missing my daughter who has moved to go to university and I cant cope. Someone please take the time to talk to me?
Ginette aged 57

Ginette6957 Fri 16-Jan-15 12:35:10


GillT57 Fri 16-Jan-15 12:37:43

welcome Ginette. There are lots of discussions going on here, just dip in and contribute! Your opinions, like everyone's are welcome. You will soon make lots of online friends on here and beware, it can start taking over your day!

gillybob Fri 16-Jan-15 12:44:11

Hi Ginette6957 welcome to GN.

I'm sorry to hear you are lonely. Do have a nosey through the forums. I'm sure there will be some topics that interest you. GillT57 is right it can get addictive and before you know it you will be wondering how you found time to do everything else. smile

P.S There are often local meet ups so maybe some members in your area who would be happy to get together. Where are you btw?

Mishap Fri 16-Jan-15 12:48:01

Sorry that you are sad at present Ginnette - I remember that feeling when my last child went off to university and set off to take her place in the world independently of us. It was a blip and we picked ourselves up and filled our lives with lots of new interesting things - whilst patting ourselves in the back for giving our children the courage to be independent.

This will pass - you will feel better.

glammanana Fri 16-Jan-15 12:59:08

Sorry to hear you are lonelyGinette please have a look at the posts and join in as you feel we all have something to say about most topic's.
I know how hard it is to have an empty home but your daughter has gained confidence from you to go out into the world as Mishap has said so be proud of yourself for a job well done.
Have you thought of joining any clubs etc to maybe get you out of the house ? once you have taken that first step things do get easier so give it a try and you will most likely meet some ladies going through the same situation who would be glad of your company for a few hours. flowers

anniezzz09 Fri 16-Jan-15 13:06:59

Ginette, you are not alone although it may feel like it at the moment and this is a very lively forum. Welcome.

I remember when my twins went to university and my husband was away on business, I had to come home by myself to an empty house and I went and sat in their room and put their nightclothes to my nose and smelt them and just sobbed.

It's a tough moment in life but it will pass. As others have said, be proud of your daughter for having the confidence to go off into the world and proud of yourself for having such a good relationship with her. Stock advice is always to distract yourself and find interesting things to do. Easier said than done in my experience but I'm not sure I can offer much more than the hackneyed 'time is a great healer'.

My experience is that the first term is tricky for new undergraduates and they come home quite a bit which helps both sides! I hope you've got some means of making regular contact through phone calls, texts, perhaps Facebook. I think there is a period where the dizziness of the new means they are not in touch much and then it gets better.

Do go out as much as you can and take care of yourself, treat yourself in whatever way makes sense to you. flowers

rubysong Fri 16-Jan-15 13:12:24

Hello Ginette. Do you have any local activities you can get involved with? Are you working or at home? The best way to combat loneliness is to get busy in your community. I know people who find having a dog to walk is a great way to make friends. There may be a neighbour who needs their dog taken out. The Cinnamon Trust may be able to help.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 16-Jan-15 14:00:41

Oh Ginette, I know so well what it's like to miss children when they go off to uni. I've been through it three times now. It was very hard. You miss them so much.

Has she gone very far away? Will she get home at all?

No advice. I used to go on long walks when the missing got too much. flowers cupcake

GillT57 Fri 16-Jan-15 14:41:20

I am bracing myself for the last one going this autumn, and trying to keep calm as DD tries my patience with pre-exam nerves/clothes strewn all over the floor, keep reminding myself that I will miss the noise and mess when she goes.......

Marelli Fri 16-Jan-15 15:16:55

Hello Ginette - so pleased that you've chosen us to join up with us! Gransnet may have eased the loneliness of quite a few of us here. Hope to read some of your posts soon. smile

bikergran Fri 16-Jan-15 15:17:11

"welcome" Ginette smile

Kiora Fri 16-Jan-15 16:44:10

It gets a little easier as time moves on, but there's always a little ache. I'm glad you've found a place to share it. Welcome.

Tegan Fri 16-Jan-15 17:05:43

There's something very comforting about having the computer on and knowing that there's usually someone there to chat to on here [some of us are very much night owls as well]. An empty house feels SO empty, doesn't it but having gransnet on the computer is like having someone else around. I wish I'd had a computer during the times when my marriage broke up and my children moved away. I still would have been upset but it would have helped enormously. You don't have to be a grandmother on here, Ginette; just a kindred spirit [which you are flowers]....

rockgran Fri 16-Jan-15 18:29:53

I remember that feeling well - I used to go into my son's bedroom and sharpen his pencils just to be close to him. It does get better. By the time he came home at Christmas I had moved on a bit and established a new and refreshing routine.
I had to go through it again when he and his family (16 years later) moved 8000 miles away. Again I went through a bit of a grieving process but now life is full again. Don't make your daughter feel guilty by being miserable. She needs to know that you are cheerful and coping well. You have done your job and she is spreading her wings. If you make the effort to fill the void then eventually you will find you are enjoying your new found freedom. The computer certainly helps. smile

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 16-Jan-15 18:36:07

Rockgran I still [sigh] for you. Glad you are coping with it.

NotTooOld Fri 16-Jan-15 18:43:04

It's very hard but you do get used to it. Like someone above said, don't let her know what you are going through as it will only make her miserable. She will also be having a tough time making new friends and tackling her uni course, so she needs you to give her strength by being strong yourself. In my experience, after the initial few weeks, they tend not to get in touch too much because the excitement of their new life takes over. This is only temporary, so don't let it get you down. Remember, too, that many graduates become boomerangs and end up back at home - whether you like it or not!

Have you thought of becoming a student yourself? I completed a degree course with the Open University last year and thoroughly enjoyed it. It would give you an insight into what student life is like, even if you are at home. Don't be put off by the fees as there are ways around that.

harrigran Fri 16-Jan-15 18:58:47

I was only 43 when I got my last one off to university and then I had a whole new life. We bring up our children to be independent and then it is our turn to enjoy ourselves. Today it has never been easier to keep in touch, with smart phones and computers you can even Skype each other.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 16-Jan-15 19:06:00

But you can't just be there - as a presence - by Skype.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 16-Jan-15 19:06:26

Sorry if that was a downer!

NanKate Fri 16-Jan-15 19:08:59

I can remember Ginette my only child left for university and it suddenly struck me how lonely we would be without him. He never came back permanently to live which was also a surprise.

So what did I do ? I applied and got a place at Oxford Brooke's Uni to do teacher training. I had a ball.

We are now retired.

My son needs us regularly now to help with the 2 very boisterous grandchildren and we have come full circle.

I do hope the same happens to you. smile

janerowena Fri 16-Jan-15 19:34:04

This is the thread that made me join gransnet

A couple of years ago. I realised early, like you, how bad I would feel. DS is currently at home until the end of the month, as his uni year only has two semesters, and last year was very tough. In fact every time he goes away after a long stay at home it is still tough, but it eases a little each time.

I've had to force myself to be sociable. Living where I do it would be very easy not to go out anywhere and no-one would miss me if I didn't turn up. That was quite a chilling thought, as all my oldest and best friends live many miles away. So over the past three years I have made myself go out to all sorts of clubs and often do things I really don't want to, and I have made some wonderful friends and no longer feel as bereft as I once did. I do still feel it, but it's soothed away in real life, as it is on here. I used to hate the school run - then suddenly realised I would miss all the other mums I used to chat to, none of whom live nearby as we are a very rural area.

Facebook messaging has been my saviour. That little green light that shows me when he and his sister are on/were last on is a real blessing. I never thought I would find myself silently wishing a little green blob 'goodnight!'. grin

rockgran Fri 16-Jan-15 20:11:34

Thank you Jingle - Gransnet has been a great comfort to me. It always helps to know you are not going through something alone.

Ginette6957 Mon 19-Jan-15 12:03:28

Thank you everyone, but despite reading through all your lovely replies I am in a different kind of situation as I have also been having a lot of issues with my husband who is a very difficult man. My daughter has a boyfriend and as she didn't ask his permission and just told me its a no no! So for the past several months I've been dealing with this on my own.
My daughter doesn't help as she's like her father pig-headed so I stupidly took sides with her and alienated my husband. I see the error of my ways now and dont know how to make things ok wiyh him.
I drovemy daughter up to Manchester last night and I don't even get acknowledged or thanked for it by her. She's unfortunately turned out to be a bit self-centred as I've allowed her to. I feel used in a way by both of them. Does that sound wrong? I dont know I'm so low cant seem to see a way out.

Tegan Mon 19-Jan-15 12:15:52

I didn't understand at the time why so many of my friends saw their children go away to university and coped with it so well, until I realised it was because my marriage was unhappy and I was in a very lonely place. When my children both left for uni there was just a shell of a marriage left [it ended soon afterwards]. Perhaps you could speak to your doctor about it? They are surprisingly understanding about such things.