lonely

at no point did I not appreciate everyone, I do

I am not here to be analysed Elegran
I am not on this forum to be used as a punchbag
I don't appreciate your rudeness

Well, if that is appreciation, I wonder

They say the truth hurts, but you have to face up to it if you want to move on.

It is a horrible bind you are in but there will be a way out - it will not be easy and you will have to gird up your loins and do some tough things, but we will be here to provide support whatever you decide. That is all we can do - the practical bits are down to you and you can do it.

How healthy is he?

I hate to say it, but I was really feeling for you, and (I hope) like others doing my best to offer both emotional support and tangible, positive suggestions as to how you could get out of this awful situation, but I have to admit to feeling a bit uncomfortable when you started blaming immigrants and asylum seekers for your being unable to make an appointment with CAB. Make an appointment with a solicitor, look online. Dont think that because the other people living in Women's Aid hostels dont speak English their need isnt as great as yours. Good luck

Ex was very similar in many ways. I left and went to live with a very good friend. I was lucky, she had a big house and her OH had left her two years previously and she was glad of the company. It was a very hard time but oh so worth it. In only a year my life completely turned around. It would be far easier for you, with your daughter not as young as mine was.

I do know what you mean about the refuges. I became the collecting point for contributions for our local one, and at one point one of my best friend had need of their services. But they do give you a breathing space and time to think in a safe environment. As for what they charge - don't you realise how much it costs to keep those places going? I know you probably have a nice warm clean home with lots of personal possessions that you will lose - as I did - but really, it's SO much better now. I am a new person. Those past years are just a bad dream. and seeing him again last weekend after not at all for ten years - I looked at him and thought, you pathetic little bully. How can I ever have been scared of you.

I think that it should also be added, that were we to be in the position of Ginette, she is cotemplating the end of her marriage after presumably decades of living with a man who she once loved.
Two weeks ago, that was not necessarily on her radar.
If I was her in that position, I would not be taking it all lightly, and neither should she.
Also, I may choose to take my time to think things through and decide on my best option.
It is not something to be taken lightly or swiftly.

The impression Ginette has given is that this situation has been in existence for years see the reference to the women's refuge, her husband hitting her daughter when she was 11, (in fact Ginette describes 18 years of unhappiness ) and her daughter has presumably been at university at least since the start of the academic year so this is not a sudden change in her life. So I imagine your reference to this not being on Ginette's radar until 2 weeks ago ignores this fact.
Nobody is suggesting taking things lightly, but when somebody claims to be desperate, I assume "desperate times need desperate measures", and in any case a preliminary appointment with a solicitor, a talk to the bank manager regarding the peculiar financial shenanigans and/or CAB. To find out her rights hardly constitute "taking anything lightly."

I think you're being very harsh Soutra. If you've nothing constructive to add best to say nothing at all. I get the feeling you are annoyed the advice has not been taken, well it's not up to you to tell other people what advice to take.

You should give the benefit of the doubt in case you do more harm than good.

Exercising your editorial prerogative, Anya?
if you've nothing constructive to add, best say nothing at all ...it's not up to you to tell other people what advice to take

Hmm, I was not aware of actually giving any advice on Ginette's marital problems although I do admit to responding to the OP on the subject of "empty nest syndrome". Others such as Elegran, janerowena, GillT57, Jingl. Ana, Riverwalk,Mishap and even you yourself ("ring Samaritans") have made practical suggestions which do not seem to have borne fruit.

Actually in my previous post I was questioning soontobe's interpretation of the time frame. Do I have your gracious permission to do that?
As for your waspish counsel of "giving the benefit of the doubt in case I do more harm than good" - it refers to exactly what?

Waspish? What an odd thing to say Soutra

I think Ginette will gradually come to realise that staying is scarier than going. But she has to decide that for herself. Not everyone has a good friend who is willing to put up with them for a few months while they sort themselves out. Leaving what you know is very scary.

Save every penny you can.

When Ginette finds it possible to act,she will.The info offered here may help.Personal attacks wont.

hi Folks I moved to my present accommodation 3 years ago and I am still finding it hard to make friends, I used to live in London but after I had a heart attack my son thought it better if I moved closer to him.

I was going to go to Mold which is between my oldest and youngest, I so wish I had stuck with my original choice as now I don't see any one.

I am so far away from my youngest and my oldest don't give a toss about me.

I had no light in my kitchen for 2 weeks and in the end I had to ask a stranger to help me.

I asked age uk they told me that there was a 6 week wait and I also asked the housing association they told me I would have to pay the electrician which would be around £90.

I know if I had stayed in London my friends there would have been round in a trice, I used to live on a boat that was another reason for the move but really wish I had stayed putt

Loneliness is very hard to bear. I joined a church and now have friends and invitations for which I am so glad. Just thought I would share this gem.