"Modern mums have lost the plot"

I think that you have to deal with the baby that you have and they have not read the books!
I can't agree with her on everything. e.g. swaddling babies to make them feel secure. Mine didn't want to be swaddled, I knew that from the womb, his arms were always moving freely. I only tried it once and he had to put enormous effort into freeing them. I only tried it because the midwife asserted that 'all' babies liked it.
I think that you should wait and see what you get. Pointless doing attachment parenting if your baby wants their own space.
Do what suits you and the baby.
It is ridiculous to think you can say something is good for all babies they are all different. You wouldn't say something was good for all grandmothers (what one likes another loathes) and yet we do it for babies!

I swaddled mine.Its a totally different world today.I think generally most kids are ok,it's only the few.My son and DIL are doing a good job with my GC.Not that I would say if they weren't mind.In fact,I can honestly say,I have never uttered the words or even thought them," in my day" Having said that,my own thoughts are,no,not all change is for the better.Will our GC be able to walk around the countryside safely.?

I swaddled both my children [now 45 and 42] and they slept on their sides with a rolled up cot blanket behind them to stop them turning over - and they didn't turn over.

they slept in a swinging crib for several months and then went into a big cot - still sleeping on their sides.

I didn't breastfeed - I never wanted to - and they grew up well nourished and we bonded over bottles.

I used terry nappies as you didn't get disposable ones in those days [early 70s] and I pushed them in the pram everywhere. they eventually graduated to a pushchair and I've done the collapse the pushchair with an armful of baby, toddler in hand and a very large bag of shopping - and survived.

both my son and my daughter were brought up to be independent and they weren't made the centre of everyone's attention. they knew that mummy and daddy came first and that was accepted. if they wanted to speak then they waited their turn - as adults do.

I read the article and, although I agreed with some of the things it said, I didn't agree with them all. my babies were fed on demand not to a timetable and they slept through the night at quite an early age ............... in their own bedroom.

I hate these baby guru women. Who the hell do they think they are and why does any woman take any notice of them? The baby -mother connection is the closest there can be and if only women had the confidence to go with their instincts things would be fine. Babies are people and what suits one doesn't suit another. i'd stick these women in an institution somewhere, make them eat the same things all the time (even if they hate it). Make them go to bed when told. Make them watch TV programmes that suit everyone, and keep them to a tight timetable. Then they might realise how awful they are being.

No I don't have no sympathy for mothers these days nothing is ever right we wasn't able to park right near the door of the supermarket and before I could drive I remember getting a bus to London to visit my parents with two children one toddler one baby bags buggy and I managed.

I think these 'guru women' and Internet advice are filling the gap left by the demise of the extended family. Mums and/or grannies traditionally were usually close at hand for many new mums to help out, not only with advice but hands on support. The rise of the nuclear family has meant that this support system is often not available. And from what I have seen recently with my own DDs, HVs are thin on the ground.

The baby sleeping thing ran its course right through my own experience of mothering new babies over a period of 7 years. Twins in mid 70s on the side; DS in late 70's on the tummy; DD3 in early 80's on the back. No wonder new mums get confused.

Well said trisher .

I also get very irritated with pretending it comes from the baby when it doesn't. e.g baby led weaning when the baby only has the choice of 'take it or leave it' ( the way they always have) as it is completely mother led ( the way it always was).

make them eat the same things all the time (even if they hate it)
Preferably cold baby groats and a nice bottle of SMA

I don't have any babies in the family but travel by bus regularly and find that many mums expect priority over everyone else, including elderly and disabled. They don't like other people having shopping, though this takes much less space than a buggy. Most of them are only travelling a short distance. I used to walk everywhere when my kids were small, using my big pram, and still walk when I don't have too much shopping. However, most of the younger generation don't seem to like to walk.
Sorry to rant, but this is a bugbear of mine.

What an awful woman. Her views were archaic when my children were babies and she isn't much older than me. No animal would treat its babies so horribly. I couldn't bear to finish reading the article because it upset me so much.

I'm only thankful that children don't seem to be able to remember anything that happens to them before the age of about 2 but I can't help feeling sorry for the poor little mites she's had her nasty way with.

Child care is effected by politics, a few examples:

A generation of mothers lost the art of breast feeding when they had to go out to work to help the war effort in WWII. They were supported in this by being given free National dried milk for other people to feed their babies. They were then unable to support their daughters in breast feeding having lost the art and they believed bottle feeding was the norm. . Free milk for people on low income only stopped about 2005. And many mothers are surprised when they are told baby milk is modified cows milk. The U.K. Has one of the lowest breast feeding rates in Europe.

When banks started lending unlimited money to buy houses, including women's salaries in the estimate of the loan , house prices were able to increase and women had to return to work after having a baby to help pay the mortgage they had helped to borrow to buy there more expensive home. Women were mothers and full time workers and childcare had to change to meet these 2 roles.

Equal rights for women seems in many cases to mean more responsibility.

My knowledge of biology tells me there is no such thing as a single mother just absent fathers which may be the mothers choice but sometimes not.

Disposable nappies and the environment , surely someone must have thought about the waste implications but there was a lot of money to be made and disposable was the norm.

On childcare there are as many different styles as personalities and a confident mother's style will always work.

Sorry I may have seemed to gone off the point but I am trying to show how politics influences how we raise our children.

Like most things Ajanela,IF you let it. And like the rest of us,it's an opinion. Anyway isn't the proof in the pudding.Theres more people in therapy today than ever before.

I am with pompa and grannyknot here. I remember my cousins being born in a HOME with an outside loo, no bathroom or hot running water, and certainly no central heating, my grandmother was instrumental in keeping them swaddled, and although bottles was soaked in Milton, that was the most 'care'that was taken. We all survived. My children were swaddled, but we lived in better conditions(no central heating) and were well informed (Call the Midwife and Boomers!), both of them were swaddled, had regular routine, and spent a lot of time in their prams sitting on the balcony, where they could hear me working, and I was always there. I was lucky of course I had learned something from living within a tight family group.
"How to look after baby" has been a topic for years, and every 'expert' has their own view, today there is too much pressure on mums to do it right, whereas quite often common sense is probably all that is needed.

Although we had coach built prams in our day we didn't take them I to cafes,nor did we jostle old ladies off the pavements whilst chatting on our mobile phones. Our McCartney buggies folded up to the size of an umbrella, these days the buggy is the size of our prams. I feel that motherhood is now regarded as a priesthood/sisterhood which gives power and entitlement but no duties! Rant over!

Sorry about typos above - my samsung thinks it is a literary genius!

Modern mums do exactly as we did - their best in the circumstances. I was unusual when I was raising my children because I worked and used child care - very few people did that at the time. Obtaining a nursery was very difficult as there were very few around. Nowadays most mums are expected to go back to work when their children are tiny. I think the pressure is huge on families trying to work look after their homes and raise their families. I take my hat off to the modern mum and dad.

I always walked to shops I also had prams which faced me and no mobile phone to have stuck to ear spoke to my children they were both early talkers . They never slept in my bed both slept through at 6-8weeks both bottle fed due to probs in breast feeding . There wasn't cafe s or pubs which encouraged children then so picnics in local park done when whether allowed saying that all my GC love picnics it's mainly parent choice to meet up in cafe we went to mum and toddlers to meet up or own houses but times change and parents will always be inundated with advice from ""experts" I say enjoy your children they aren't little for long

The problem is there is too much advice, oh for the days when our immediate family (mums/grans) were the experts we turned to when we needed advice. We do at least know that they managed to successfully rear us!

In the 80's when I had my daughter, the advice was to lay babies on their tummies.
So that was what I did. She survived ok.

But now, she has an eight month old baby, the advice is still to lay them on tummies. He seems to be able to roll over on to his back anyway.

Now I have been asked to look after him overnight, I am a bit nervous.

what to do for the best, Aye?

I had my first baby when I was 24. I was an army wife and we were living in Germany. I had no family to help me. It was so difficult. We lived in a flat. I had to wash nappies daily and dry them on radiators. The neighbours would complain if they heard my baby cry. Hubby was often sent away for weeks at a time. I don't know how I got through it. I envy any young mother who has the support of family around her!

I think lots of mothers today expect the world to revolve around them they do seem to make motherhood sound like a new age invention having said that I'm glad when my children were babies there wasn't the competitive aspects of who was a better mum due to celebrity mums, Facebook and the like.

Seasidenana I so agree with you. Today's mums (and dads) are under so much pressure. They have so many commitments and their expectations for themselves and their children are so high. I know we all wanted our best for our children but I don't remember quite so many 'experts' warning us about the harm we might be doing not only to babies but to children as they grew older.

However we parent (it's become a verb , like in-box) we will make mistakes. The children survive in the main. We can only do our best. And I agree, enjoy them while you are the most important people in the world. That surely doesn't last long. I miss those days, although I struggled at times. Like everyone else!

But now, she has an eight month old baby, the advice is still to lay them on tummies.
No Victoria08, that isn't the advice now. The advice these days is to lay babies on their backs.
I'm not an advocate of one method over another - my babies slept on their sides, swaddled and with a rolled up crib blanket behind them. But like the experience of luckygirl, I knew someone whose baby rolled from that position onto her back and began to choke on her vomit, at just a few days old. Nevertheless, the advice today is most definitely that babies should sleep on their backs.