Why does my daughter treat me this way?

This thread has been really interesting and I have enjoyed reading about others' lives and relationships. I am very happy with the contact I have with my 2 sons but I sometimes have to remind myself

1. They are far busier than I am.

2. We shall never be as important to our children as they are to us.

Yes *MawBroon' accept what you say and I understand. You make some good points. It's just that the accusation of moaning is thrown around a lot these days and it can feel quite dismissive. It's jolly tough swallowing hard and accepting that we are no longer top of our children's list when we love them so much. Learning to let them go is a form of loving but it's tough to achieve without resentment.

Concentrate on the my daughter was brilliant and you will know that she will be there when she needs you but has a very busy life and a family of her own.

I don't expect mine to phone all the time; some do but in fact one rarely does but I know that she loves us nonetheless.

Ha ha Iam64! Love the Pollyanna ref!

I'm in a similar situation as your DD in some ways, but not in others. I also have a demanding job and so does my DH and my DPs have helped us out hugely with house deposit and often step in to help out with childcare when we're desperate. BUT I am pretty appalled at the treatment youre getting, I wouldn't dream of not contacting my DPs for over a fortnight and I share news with them about all sorts of stuff on a regular basis by email, phone, Facebook and text. I'm a bit at the slightly impersonal/thoughtless Christmas presents they gave you (i'm presuming the mugs weren't thoughtful personalised ones with messages or photos) and the impatient response from your SonIL was just crappy. Sorry, he could have apologised and asked if he could ring you back once in the car or when back home.
I think you could gently tell your DD that you'd love to hear from them more often especially if youve had a serious illness like pneumonia, you appreciate when she has been there for you but there have been other times when you've deeply missed her support. Tell them you sometimes wonder what their news is, be it his/her work, the DGC's progress or whatever. Why not suggest that your DGC could FaceTime/ phone you to say goodnight sometimes, it might even help them with the bedtime routine. It's a lovely idea which I'd never thought of, and perhaps your DD hasn't either.
FGS though, she's an adult, your past is history and please think about whether she really needs a joint account with you any more.

Maggiemay you are right. I've tonight had phone call from and a long talk with my DD who at first got really uptight and angry that I was upset I hadn't heard from her "Sorry if my life gets in the way of my calling you!". She explained how little time she has and that she forgets and the week goes by before she knows it. I understand, but it doesn't make me feel any better than she didn't find one minute! We've now arranged that I will text her to see if it's a good time to have a quick chat with her and GS and she has suggested two days a week that are better than others. I think I was really depressed and oversensitive as well because of all the medication I was on. Am feeling much better today and trying to get things into perspective.
Gransnet has helped me so much. Thanks again everyone.

Thanks Duchessofpod for your good advice. The bank account was my idea and it is often really useful. It's not the main one anyway. It is better not to have expectations, then one can't be disappointed - but that's easier to say than to do!

Hi, I was sorry to read about the way your daughter has treated you... I can relate to this.
My son and his wife and baby live 2 hours away from me, and i don't drive.
I have been pretty unwell for almost a year, which has made it impossible for me to get the train down to visit them, they have been here just twice while i have been in this situation, though they too have to get the train up, and with a baby i know it isnt easy.
My son and daughter-in -law have also had health issues, and lead very busy lives, so i understand that its hard for them too. But.... I agree that a phone call is not too much to ask for.... i sometimes get txts,and emails with photo's, which though nice, isn't the same as a chat, and i dont think its too much to ask for at least 1 call a week, just to check in. I don't think children actually realise how much mums need to know they care, even though they do, we need contact!.
I have often rang my son and been told it was an awkward time, and he will ring back, sometimes he forgets, so then i get a txt. groan!
I also have a daughter living nearer to me, and i may see her 1 day a week, ok she works, but hey!
but i may get more calls from her, so thats something, and if i am particularily unwell, and dont want to be alone, i stay at hers for a night or 2, so i suppose i am lucky there..But...... they are also in the procedes of moving far away from me.. I hate thinking about it as i know the loneliness will be twofold. Doesnt help when you live alone does it.

But i agree with most of what others have said on here... this is how things seem to be, and i guess we all just have to say..'It is what it is!'

Enjoy the times you get to be together, and try not to dwell. easy to say!.

Just a thought. You said your DD was brilliant when you had your hip replacement so she obviously does care, but your Christmas present was insignificant, and she's not been in touch to chat for a while. Is everything all right between them? Could it just be that they're going through a bad patch which you DD doesn't want to share or worry you with? All marriages have ups and downs. Could it be that they're on a bit of a down and they're keeping it to themselves and working it through? It may be best to just sit tight and wait for the summer, warm days and sunshine and longer days and it'll come right.

Children are so different today. When I was young and first married I would constantly be in touch with my dear mother and mother in law.Visited when we could. Moved overseas for a few years but still spoke on the telephone weekly or more often if they were unwell.
I now constantly phone my grown up children for catch ups. They rarely phone me. But they love me and that is all that matters.
I do understand how it must feel to not know what your daughter feels about you and the simple answer is ask her.

I could not imagine asking any of my DDs what they feel about me - why on earth would anyone do that? As soon as you start putting pressure like that on, then every communication you have will become strained - why would you want to do that?

I agree Luckygirl. Wouldn't dream of it. My daughter would laugh! Or tell me I'm neurotic (she does that anyway - in a nice way, ) but I get lots of affection when I see her which is not that often.
My advice it : Just let it flow past you and keep busy and be grateful for any contact you have. I think your D has been thoughtless as you've been ill, but now she understands, move on!
I was close to my mother but certainly dont remember phoning her weekly once I was married with young children! Again, I recommend Facebook or better still, a private WhatsApp family group - much easier for busy lives in my opinion and they can send photos which is great!

Asking your children what they feel about you would make you sound very needy.