DIL wont visit my house....

Some people love dogs, some like them at a reasonable distance but not at close quarters, and some just don't like them at all. I can't see what there is to "distrust" about someone who doesn't enjoy being in a small room with one, two or more dogs and a small child who is not accustomed to their presence.

How about those who DO like dogs, but don't like the smell of their breath, even the smell of the cleanest, nicest dogs is distinctive? How about those who actively dislike being licked? How about those who had a fright when they were young from a large exuberant dog, or even an aggressive one? You can't magically remove those instinctive reaction, and you can't put any pet ahead of your family.

Hitler loved animals and was a vegetarian. So by your logic he wasn't all bad

What a ridiculous post!

Nobody is ALL bad.

Seems to be lots of dog haters on here. You have to remember that some of us live alone and a pet is the only company we have. No close relations. Dogs are good for people and help them live longer more healthy lives. The OP is supposed to give up her constant companion for a visit now and then. I don't think so.

Where did the assumption you have dogs come from? I can't find any reference in your letter. OK not everyone likes dogs but this may be a totally wrong assumption.
Could you suggest having the grandchildren for a day, or taking them out somewhere, so Mum & Dad can have time to themselves? Surely the important thing is that you see them, not that they come to your house.
ASK whether your son or DiL doesn't matter - at least you would have some idea what's going on.

At 11.18 today izabella posted the link to op's previous post on this subject where both dogs and smoking were discussed quite fully. If nothing has changed in op's home
since November it's not surprising that DiL's opinions haven't changed either.

No you don't have to give up anything at all. And neither does the OP.

Just like her DIL doesn't have to be around dogs.

I would never trust a person who doesn`t like dogs or animals in
general.Something not quite right about them. If the sil doesn`t like animals she will encourage her children not to like them either.....and so it goes down the line.You can bet your life the gc. will never be as faithful as a dog. As for a dog being smelly etc. just smell some human beings.

Grannygranby, you have the answer to your question. I am a dog lover but appreciate that not all share my passion. I have a boisterous Labradoodle, two of my GC love playing with her, the other is wary, therefore she is kept out of the way when he visits. I think you should place your grandchildren first.

Lots of people don't like dogs, just as lots of people don't like children. Doesn't mean they are generally untrustworthy, just that you wouldn't trust them to look after your dogs - or children ;-)

And even those who like dogs AND children may be wary of their interacting.

It does sound as if the OP's DIL is motivated by worry about her children, as per the original (November) post: "She is not phobic she has gradually brought in the no dog rules as she became pregnant babies etc etc as reasons to exclude. "

If she told you dogs are the reason for not visiting, you have your answer and have made your choice.

I am inclined to think the girl is jealous of the relationship you have with you son. She may be the insecure type and annoying but your grandchildren as they get older will please them selves and she will not have influence on them to say whose house they visit

I notice that, just as on the old pre-Christmas to her post, grannygranby has not come back to discuss any of the responses to her thread. That, to me, is just rude, particularly on the old thread which ran to eight pages. She clearly does know what the problem is, but just doesn't want to acknowledge it, as that would put the onus onto her to make the necessary changes to improve the relationship with her daughter in law (although why she doesn't just outright ask her son, I don't know).

It is very sad. The dogs, much as she loves and relies on them, will not be around forever. Her grandchildren will. I think she needs to forge a good relationship with her daughter in law, and thereby with her grandchildren, before it's too late. No one is suggesting she gives up the dogs completely, but some kind of compromise needs to be reached sooner rather than later.

I'm another person who is not keen on days, and although I accept that many people love their dogs (as a lot of my friends do) you do need to accept that not everyone does, Both of my little grandchildren are afraid of dogs, especially big ones, and that is reason enough for them not to come to your house. Even if the dogs are out of the way, houses with dogs often smell 'doggy' which you probably would not notice yourself!
Also your DiL may just be reserved - it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you.
I would just be grateful that you see them and that they are going to spend time with you on your birthday. Many estranged grandparents on this site would give their eye teeth for this! Go out and enjoy your meal, and being with the grandchildren. I really wouldn't keep going on about coming to your house, they may be dreading that - however, a mild 'you know you are always welcome' would be enough.

sarahellenwhitney Have you even read the thread? Where have you managed to draw that ridiculous statement.

Hurdy Gurdy I m with you as soon as I saw this post was the same as one that we had all chewed over for pages before Christmas I knew it was either a fake to get us all going again or someone who didn't like the answers and came back for round two hoping to get more sympathy ..... and she has

Just for the record I have no dislike of dogs at all I used to have a lovely pretty mongrel yes they were mongrels or cross breeds in my day, not cockerdoodles that demand hundreds of pounds changing hands.... but sometimes they are not kept all that clean and the house can really smell The other day I went into a cafe that allowed dogs in I m not keen on that idea but live and let live think I, until the blooming bulldog sitting ON the chair at the table next to me was given a drink out of the owners teacup another dog was eating off the saucer put on the floor with bits and pieces of owners lunch on it I left and won't ever go back again

Bibbity I think some people read the original post jump to some conclusions and then post an opinion which is usually totally wide of the mark

I have a lovely friend that I'm very fond of. But I will not visit her house and I will never allow her to bring her dog to my house ever again. I'm actually quite fond of well behaved dogs but some dog owners just don't seem able to recognise when their dog is really badly behaved and is a real nuisance. My friends dog isn't content with just "saying hello", a quick pat and then leaving you alone. It keeps on and on and on, clawing and raking at your legs with its nails. If you ignore it long enough, it leaps up on to your chair so that it can lick your face and hands; no amount of pushing it away will have any effect. The final straw is that it gets so excited that it piddles on the floor, on your shoes and, if it's jumping up and down on you, down your coat too. My friend only sees that her beloved little dog is "friendly and is pleased to see you". Her son and his family no longer go to visit her at her house and won't allow her to take the dog to theirs, and so the relationship is very strained. Friends, like me, will only meet up at a cafe, restaurant or cinema (anywhere dogs aren't allowed really). It's such a shame because my friend got the dog because she was lonely but because she won't train it, it's made her even more lonely.

Hello Grannygranby, I am so sorry to read that you feel like this. Without knowing more about your family I can't really offer any advice, as you appear to be a good person.

So, here is a hug from me. xx

If dogs are the problem why doesn't the DiL just say so? It's far more hurtful to leave the dislike a mystery than to bring the subject out in the open. Alternatively, why doesn't the OP just ask if the dogs are a problem?

she knows the dogs are the problem ,it was all stated in the earlier thread,she isn't happy that she cant take her dogs with her when she visits or that they wont visit her because of them.....until she decides the family is more important than the dogs then there wont be any change

The Dil has said so and the OP knows it, as made clear in her previous post.
www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/a1231786-DIL-problems-that-I-dont-get

Chewbacca does your friend really expect you to smile politely while her dog piddles all over the place?

She must be very insensitive.

Don't agree at all, dogs or no dogs, it's her husbands mother, just suck it up. If the home was good enough for her husband to grow up in then it should be good enough for her. All this preciousness about, dogs, smoking, untidy houses etc, what a fusspot attitude. Just be kind and welcoming, that's all you can do.