My heart has just been broken.......

Been thinking... if my husband said I just put up with him, I hope I'd say: Yes, I do put up with you and you put up with me; it's part of the deal of being married. I don't just put up with you so stop being so melodramatic.

In short, my immediate reaction would be more of anger than anything else because I think saying stuff like that to someone who loves you is just mean emotional manipulation.

And your husband succeeded in manipulating your emotions, travelsafar, didn't he? Left you broken hearted.

Yes, I'd get angry and give any such nonsense a piece of my mind. Take no shit.

I can offer a lot of sympathy, my late DH was an alcoholic & suffered from depression. When he wasn't drinking he was a lovely man but when drinking he would sink into depression. All he wanted to do was drink, sleep & eat in that order. Personal hygiene became a problem, he didn't want to shave, when he did finally start to recover he had a beard to shave off

My DH died of lung cancer sadly, we were together 23 years, married for 21. I have many good memories but at times he could say hurtful things.

I do think you need to tell him his remark was hurtful & try to get him to talk or else this will fester away. I wish you well

Upcoming reunion stirs up some feelings and I think your husband just wants some reassuring that you still love him and that he's your number one. As an ex alcoholic who needed your help he may a. feel inadequate and insecure b. put up with alchohol being served? c. Continues to feel badly that you once had to take the reins for him

What Anniebach said - he just sounds a bit insecure / inadequate. You shouldn't be hurt by it. Just try not to stress about entertaining & enjoy yourself.

It sounds like you need AlAnon, and he needs AA. Alcoholism is a mental condition as well as an addiction and stopping drinking only addresses one part of the problem. You are not responsible for him and his condition is not your fault. An alcoholic will often be susceptible to unresolved resentments and feelings of inadequacy. They have to manage their own recovery and AlAnon is there to help the non-alcoholics understand this.

I wonder if his thoughtless remark just caught you on a bad day?
I would try to let it go, it is too easy to let the hurt caused by ill-chosen words fester and grow into a real grievance.
You could take a deep breath, and say "you know that really hurt me" but a) he has probably forgotten, b) he will get defensive and c) he may well end up making a bad situation worse.
Try to leave it in the past. Some men are not very good with words and he may also have been reflecting his own feelings about the hard life he has given you.
He is lucky you DO put up with him, maybe he needs a warning....?

I think I should add that we had a first wedding anniversary card last Sunday (from our Church) with swans on the front. My husband wondered whether it was from his first wife, because she liked swans apparently. Now that is hurtful
Zorro is it not more likely that someone has a sense of humour and recognises that marriage is often like swans? All serene on the surface but paddling like sh*t under the water !

He is obviously feeling sorry for himself and the best form of defence is usually attack
I personally would totally ignore his sniping , you know what you have done for him and so does he !
Enjoy your family and what you have and allow DH the occasional wallow
I speak very much from experience
Good luck,

I can understand you being hurt when you have done your best and tried so hard. Your husband sounds as if he is depressed, living with an alcholic must be hell and I don't know how people cope. It's about time you looked after yourself. If you love him, try and brush this comment off as depression, when you feel up to it might it be a good idea to really talk about things.?

Maybe your husband is realising that, as a drinker, he often fell short of the kind of partner he could have been?
Drink often covers up a host of other insecurities and issues.
I hope you and and he can get over his comment, you must have got over all kinds over the years. I take my hat off to you!

Mawbroon - now that IS FUNNY - I won't be looking at swans the same way again now....you've made me feel a lot brighter.