Can you be born unhappy?

Both DH and his parents strike me as being born unhappy. It took me a long time to realise but I began to see that I had rarely seen them laugh and they certainly never laughed helplessly about stuff like my parents and I used to. The worst possible spin was always put on anything that happened to them. I know that his mother didn't have a great relationship with her mother and this seems to have affected her relationship with him. Also since GS1 has been diagnosed with ASD I've realised how similar DH is which doesn't help. Thankfully it all seems to have by passed our children who always seem pretty cheerful and optomistic.

A really interesting thread. Thanks for the link hildajenni, I am a 'protagonist'. I enjoyed the quiz and it linked in very definitely with a Myers Briggs test result I got some 25 years ago ... some things do not change!!

I think we are born with an inbuilt way of reading / processing and experiencing the world around us. But a lot of what we discern as 'positive' or 'negative' is very subjective.

Is it pessimistic to see the potential negatives in a situation? Some might say that is a good, realistic trait than can protect us from harm / disillusionment. Is it idealistic to look for the best in others, to maintain hope in the face of apparent adversity? That might also be a useful trait and uphold mental health. Two very simplified examples, but hopefully that makes sense.

I can reflect on my 4 children and identify two as being more 'cup half full' and two as 'cup half empty' people.
I think this is nature far more than nurture at work.

I often think of how my mother, who had a very hard childhood and difficult adult life, was able to be satisfied and take great pleasure from the simple things: feeding the garden birds, the first daffodils of the season, the freshness after a thunderstorm. Such things fed her imagination, made her feel renewed and inspired her love of the world. She was often happy despite lack of wealth and what the world would see as the trappings of success. I take a lot of heart from that.

Hmm. It says I'm a defender too. I don't think that really fits though I'm sure I do what defenders do sometimes. Might do the quiz again. My problem with quizzes like this, even good ones, is that for at least half the questions there isn't an answer I can really give. "It depends..." is always what I'm thinking. I understand about best option but I'm not sure about assessing a personality from what is in effect the lowest denominator.

Meanwhile, yesterday, in a conversation with Minibags, she informed me that I am an "authoritative" parent as opposed to authoritarian or permissive that are the other options. Apparently it means that when I make a rule or set a boundary, I explain why I'm doing it, and will modify it if given good reason to do so.

Blimey I'm a 'Consul'. Can't say I agree with all the blurb about it but certain aspects seem spot on.
Going back to the OP I once knew a man with LD who was absolutely certain that he was 'the wrong boy' as he put it. He was an unhappy soul and it sounds like he always was. I was very sorry for him. He was just miserable.

I did it twice Baggs and came out as a defender both times.

It did seem to sum me up

I don't think there was a "miserable cow" result or I would have been that !

Unloved = unhappy = low self esteem = depression in later life, lots of help available but that core feeling of not being loved (or nurtured) never completely goes, often need help to live with it, many not always aware of it , can be seen as just having a glum outlook life .

Ohh forgot plus our own little person. personalities .
Does anyone know if they were a happy baby, ? I was told I was but , not so smiley toddler, defo moody teenager, but now a happy but worrying granny

Just did it again and got Executive. That's bollocks as well. I reckon I could get a different result every time by different interpretations of the statements, which seem to me to be phrased as they are to provoke vagueness of response. In lots of cases staying smack bang in the middle of the reply bar is exactly where I wanted to be but that wasn't allowed.

So call me a fence-sitter. I read somewhere recently that that's the sign of a classic liberal (small el) thinker: never absolutely sure about anything.

Does anyone know if they were a happy baby?

Good question norose4 My dad said I was a happy child but I most definitely wasn't. (He has a selective memory these days). In fact I was very anxious and timid. Easy to bully and terrified of him ! Despite being young when I was born (1962) my parents were terribly old fashioned and my dad ruled the house!

I only have one or 2 baby photos and I was smiling on them, but suspect that would have been more because of whatever cuddly toy the photographer was waving at me, rather than an inner feeling of joy !

Ahh that struck a cord with me GILLYBOB,my mum took my 4yrs older sister & I for our one & only professional photo , I think I was about 3-4 at the time, & was definitely in a shy sulk. The photographer tried everything to make me smile , threw balls to catch etc etc, no smile , then he suggested that my dear sister ( who had been teasing me of course ?) should put her arm around me , it was so unusual it made me smile & he got the perfect picture . The memory still makes me smile now.

I did the quiz and it turns out I'm a Consul, along with others such as Bill Clinton. Wonder what the result for D. Trump would be? I don't think we want to know just in case we're the same....

I'm a consol as well

I am a very optimistic person Glass always nearly full. I am a ' defender' Does that tally ?

Another Consul here.

No way it tallies with me BBbevan I am a defender and my glass never had anything in it in the first place. I am the most miserable pessimistic cow you could ever have the misfortune to meet.

No you are not * gillybob* Look at how all that stuff with your GD turned out. That must have filled your glass to the brim. I was following it closely as my GD is off to secondary school in September too. I was really pleased for you all , so you must be a bit more optimistic now. Got the uniform yet?

Just read your post today Gillybob - I knew before I did the test I was going to be a defender like yourself - fascinating!

Thank you BBbevan

Yes you are right I was so happy when we won the appeal I could have burst ! My glass was absolutely overflowing that day you are right.

Oh dear Smithy I am surprised that there could be anyone else like me! Having said that, all defenders can't be miserable cows, can they??

Thank you hildajenni apparently I am an advocate....I am a mix of Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa....and Alanis Morisette!! On topic, I think i am mostly optimistic and glass half-full. However bad a day is, it ends, and i wake up at least initially feeling that today has promise. I do rather think of myself as Ms Brightside, as in most situations I can genuinely see a positive side, if I can just grasp it. However even the perkiest of us have our off-days, and on those I can be relentlessly pessimistic and unhappy....hubby thinks I am a drama queen, and he might well be right!

Gillybob I hope what you said about "no wonder I don't have any friends" was a jokey remark ..... I wasn't sure ..... Made me feel so sad & I hope it was jokey.

I read many years ago that one is born like a blank canvas and that the first two years of any child's life determines their personality as an adult.

Two of my friends adopted children. One little boy was 2 and his life was a nightmare, all sorts of physical cruelty. His adoptive parents were lovely but he was never able to shake off the cruel early years. When he was about 10, I was actually scared of him. He's now totally estranged from the adoptive parents.

You always sound happy to me which is great ?

I do tend to be a glass half empty person but am not unhappy. I'm a defender on the test. I've done this Myers Briggs test before and know it's used in business for recruitment so considered reputable. I always come out as a defender so think it's accurate. I'm very much an introvert. It says social worker or nurse for a career which are two of the three things I wanted to do (along with librarian) though things happened and I didn't pursue any of them.
My second husband was very positive and extrovert which was good for me.

I am a worrier, like to have all bases covered to feel secure, my husband just takes life as it comes and then says see it never happened what were you worrying about. (very stressful for me.)

We can learn to change our thought patern, that is what cognitive behavior therapy is all about. I did a very helpful course call STEPS and it helped me to understand my thought process and change a bit and be more confident.

I'm an executive which I think means bossy. I was always called Bossy Britchers by my brother.
As a child in the later war years I was often frightened and feared for my mother's life but that was not unusual in those times.
Now I am much more laid back and on the whole a happy person. Especially as the years go by I get happier.
I suppose I found child rearing boring and hard work but seem to have done alright, and now even the GCs are grown up and I am happy to be on the sidelines.
I am a very orderly person and love planning either holidays or DIY.
The test says I was extroverted but that comes from being a teacher where you get used to standing in front of a class. On the otherhand I am defintely not introverted so I suppose the test is correct.

Babies bring a whole genetic scale with them and whatever is activated depends partly on their circumstances but I feel that some people seem to be so miserable and negative it ruins their wholelife and perhaps they were miserable babies.

I'm not sure - I think that some people are always discontented no matter what. One of my BILs always seems dissatisfied with life but he has a lot to be grateful for.
I saw a TV programme ages ago with Mum - it was about a very sad lady who'd tried all kinds of medication but was permanently depressed and had tried to kill herself a few times. I felt so sorry for her as there didn't seem to be any cure for this. Maybe a chemical imbalance was to blame?