Why are they so helpless - or perhaps we shouldn't let them get so dependant

Goodness me I am astonished at so many replies that just accept these men as they are....or as they have become- yes ladies you have made them into these useless guys- they really aren't- if they had to do it and you weren't there they would soon learn. I am" afraid" that I have asked my ex husband ( 20 yrs) , my sons and now my partner of 11years to contribute to the housework and the cooking....and guess what if you start as you mean to go on they do!!! It may be too late for some of you -maybe you think you are too indispensable or if I set the cat amongst the pigeons that's how you want to be. I wanted sons with role models for future wives- and wow my sons now in their late 30s both do their bit in the home !! sorry ladies

Yep same situation here, new kitchen last year (very small one) and after being asked several times where things were, I complained and he said he hadn't had orientation yet! He is the typical ..leave plate on top of dishwasher not in it ..man

EVERYONE. ....It's not good to moan about our other half....No not really.

Just use your imagination and try to Feel what it would be like Without them.

Mine is doing his Best to look after me and even though it's Not 100% correct.....according to me...Lol.
I cry when I Feel a panic/a loss as how I'd manage without him now.

WE SHOULD COUNT OUR BLESSINGS EVERY DAY IF WE STILL HAVE A CARING/FRIENDLY
PARTNER IN OUR OLDER YEARS.

Some Haven't and some have recently suffered losses due to Evil Men.

Bé Glad Ladies and Rejoice

(Sorry for any offence...None meant)

I will Bez!!

well, at least I will try.

I FULLY appreciate my husband, I love him dearly etc etc but a communal giggle about their ways does not mean we would change them and I have two sons who are ideal partners

Gayliam1on1 - your post made me laugh out loud. It's now my new strategy!

My DH is almost over helpful. I have a cold and asked him if we had any Lemsip. As usual he found 2 boxes, plus various boxes of tissues from menthol to balm. Then a variety of tablets I could easily overdose on the selection . The window ledges in the bedroom look like the Boots warehouse. Once he starts he can't stop.

Wouldn't change him for the world, but he does irritate me at times.

Well said Petra, I agree that we should stand up for the good men, we will miss them one day

Yogagran - here's to a speedy recovery ( and disappearance of leaves)
Justwokeup = wondering how many courses your breakfast consisted of! Hope it was worth the wait.

Ditto on the bowl of water. Why???!

I find it very puzzling. Both Ex H and DSs one of whom still lives with me couldn't and can't see what needs to be done. Why? Should they have to be trained quizqueen and jefm ? They are just as intelligent as women aren't they?

The closest DS comes is occasionally putting breakfast dishes into a bowl of water which he then leaves and I have to empty cold water, grease and floating porridge (and actually wash the dishes) before I can use the sink. When older DS lived here I never went into his room except when I ran out of crockery and had to collect mouldy cups and plates!

Leaving it and waiting (when you can) does not work. Ex once used the hose pipe and left it lying across the patio. 2 years later I was eventually forced to move it as it had started to rot away!

If I don't cook DS just gets a takeaway, for himself, not me, though he usually asks, 'You didn't want one did you?' when he arrives home with it.

I remember once when staying with my SiL her DH mended the washing machine but then did not know how to switch it on and do a wash load and had to ask me to do it!!

In my case they were all brought up the same and I have succeeded in having one son out of three who shares the housework and cooking without having to be asked. How did that happen?!

*Yogagran^

Look on it this way - by the time you're up and about you'll have him fully trained.

menopaws that's exactly my thoughts too. Thank you.
My post was not meant to be complaining or critical, just amusingly observant

Many men are helpless - mine too - leaves the cupboard doors and drawers open, can't find utensils when they are in exactly the place described. It's actually nothing to do with the 'men' syndrome people talk about. It's learned behaviour - learned helplessness - and it's the result of mothers doing everything for their sons, yet making their daughters to everything for themselves - sorry folks but that's it - some men are so used to having women skivvy for them that they really are completely useless.

I should just add that I never close a cupboard door, close a drawer, pick up something he has dropped on the floor - without loudly drawing his attention to it - it makes for a difficult atmosphere at times, but what's the alternative, a total lack of self-respect as we wipe their bottoms?

My god woman, you 've only had an operation. Since my husband passed away ten years ago I've had both hips replaced and one knee ,
the other knee was done before he passed.On each occasion I came home to an empty house after forty eight hours in hospital.I managed to look after myself with abit of effort, even getting up and down stairs,, What's your problem?

Bit harsh steve . I managed on my own after a hip replacement too though everything took much thought and lots of time. They would not let me out of hospital until I could negotiate the stairs.

The dreaded support stockings however were a whole new challenge! Getting those on and off without help is a Krypton Factor task unless you want to undo the operation!!! I really had to have a DS for that and I hated it. I suspect they did too. Who did yours? Or did you just remain sweaty and stinky?!

I am sorry that you had to cope on your own stevej4491 but if yogagran is still lucky enough to have a husband then there is no reason why he can't take over at the moment - my DH is perfectly capable but pretends he can't cook and I think that cleaning is beyond him although he is learning.

Thanks Grandma and Jalima for your support. The comment from stevej was rather harsh I thought.
As my previous post up there ^^ said my original post was not meant to be complaining or critical, just amusingly observant. I am more than capable of looking after myself but as DH is around all the time and he offered to help.....
Oh well there's no point in trying to explain to someone like stevej

DH has just cooked himself a bacon sandwich because I was busy catching up on paperwork

so where's mine?

I think you're all very lucky to have men who will at least try to look after you, house & pets! I would have starved or disappeared under a mountain of dirt if I hadn't forced myself to carry on a normally as possible after my (pretty major) operations. I've returned home to a grubby house, piles of recycling to put out, an overflowing bin, full laundry basket etc. He'll usually cook/ reheat something simple on the first night, pop to the chippy on the second but the dirty plates will be left on the side. By the third he will start asking 'What's for tea?' as the meals I've left prepared in the freezer will have run out, so I just have to get on with it all! Can't wait for my annual week away with a girlfriend next week - bliss!

Hello YogaGran.
I'm just a few weeks ahead of you, so the first few days home after Hip Replacement are very fresh in my memory. As well as "Cooking Gaffes" we had some hilarious moments when OH was reaching up to get me a top from shelf in our wardrobe. I would ask for my green top and he brought me Blue, then we would stand and argue about the colour while I'm stood in Bra and pants hanging on to my crutches. I'd forgotten he was colour blind!. Fortunately we had a laugh about things later.
In our case I just appreciate we both have our own "skills". He can fix anything in our home,does all the decorating and is very patient when I (cock up) recording a programme we wanted to see. Whereas I do all the cooking/house stuff and it works for us.
I hope you are getting stronger each day. The first week or two are not easy specially when you get daft friends saying "Oh you will be running a race in a week or two.!! Take Care.

Smiling is so much more attractive than sniping

Sure is see?

Kupari your DH sounds lovely, at least you can have a laugh. I realised reading this thread that some of us are very lucky having helpful, thoughtful husbands, others are treated IMO appallingly. Is it the luck of the draw ?