Splitting the Costs

Always parking fee, if I can get there first!!'

pay

When I go to stay with my daughter she picks me up at the station and drives me around while I'm there so I always pay for petrol when she tops up during the week. She is on a pay as you go for gas and electric so I always put a bit on each before I leave as I will have been charging my phone and tablet and having showers and doing washing.

Put a purse with money for parking etc in glove compartment and ask her to get the change out and go and pay for parking etc . Sometimes these people who pretend not know cost of petrol etc are just right. I would also not pay for their lunch if they don't reciprocate...just tell them that you will pay for yours...and leave her to buy hers. It is obviously concerning you as you have put it on here. AND if they offer say 'yes please'....driving is expensive and sometimes exhausting

Meant they are just tight

A simple solution is to purchase petrol station gift cards as a 'Thank You' gift if a relative or friend have had to drive you, either a long distance or short trips but on a more regular basis.
People are generally happier to accept this as a gesture than the offer of cash.
Many stations sell them or even the supermarket gift cards can be used at their own fuel pumps.

I have a friend who drives but expects me to use my car, she also suggests visiting places some distance away but doesn't offer to pay parking, for coffees etc. Another group of friends always insist on clubbing together to buy my lunch as I have the largest car and usually drive. I don't expect it but it shows how thoughtful they are.

It's all about sharing - the enjoyment and pleasure of being together, and the costs of making that happen. If you have a 'friend' who is clearly doing all the taking, then it's up to you to evaluate what you understand a 'friend' to be. You could (and should) take the car to the petrol station on the way to your venue and make it clear how much you have had to pay to fill up; likewise, you could mention over lunch that you are having to tighten your belt as the car insurance/tax is due. There are many ways of dropping large hints that you need some financial contribution if that is what you want, even if this is just in the form of a cup of coffee, croissant, parking charges etc. It's no good getting worked up about being taken for granted when it's down to you to be blunt with people who are either insensitive or just downright skinflints. Suggest the bus next time, on the grounds that the petrol and parking charges are becoming too much for you. You will soon see who is your 'friend'. However, you also need to consider whether you are being 'repaid' in any other way, for example, does your friend help you in the garden, invite you round for afternoon tea? The whole issue of social exchange is fascinating and showing appreciation for a lift into town can be done in other ways than a parking payment or lunch - for instance, by being given a home-made cake every now and then or fruit from the garden. We have a holiday home abroad and always hire a car whereas other friends who also have property there and spend more time there than we do, do not have their own transport. We are more than happy to give lifts to friends into the local town/supermarkets etc., and don't expect anything but do end up with lots of reciprocity - oranges, lemons, nuts, being asked over for tea etc. Everything needs to be got into perspective. By the way curlilox - disabled people generally receive an allowance to help them be mobile (my own mother receives the same). Your disabled friend sounds like a scrounger! Make sure you're busy the next time she wants a freebie journey to the hospital.

My next door neighbour occasionally takes me out for coffee or something to eat we split the bill usually or every so often I pay to say thank you, as for parking I have my blue badge so don't often have to pay but if we do I pick up the tab I think it's only fair

marieeliz Haven't you answered your own question ?and
from the arrangement between you and your friend I believe you have 'cracked it.'
If it makes you feel any better then there is no harm in giving your friend a small gift now and then for being 'who she is' and the fact you both sing from the same song sheet. Friends like this are hard to come by..

We four friends used to go out together and it was the expected thing to leave money on the dashboard towards the cost as a thank you, whoever was driving. All the passengers did it every journey - the same amount - and it was never mentioned. We always shared other costs of the day. That way we didn't need to cover the cost in other ways such as coffee, gifts etc. Not sure whether it would work for you though. I'd just leave it and not have the conversation.

Whoever drives when I am out with a friend we always split any parking fee.

Similarly if I go out for lunch with a friend, we would each pay our own bills, not split the total bill between us.

That is the simplest and fairest solution.

Nanny123 - you need to make it clear to your friends that you're happy to drive them somewhere (if that is the case) but in future you would like them to go halves with you if there is a car park charge.

If you don't do this, they could be forgiven for thinking that you don't mind.

Perhaps you could say "Bummer, I don't have any change. DO you have £X?" then she would have to pay...
I have to say that someone who is a taker, is no friend. Friendship is mutual and should have "give and take" {NOT as in "you give, I take!"] in whatever form - financial, emotional, time, etc.

My mother is the same. She has enjoyed stays at our home over Christmas and weekends over the years. It has always been left to me to pick her up, take her home from events like family weddings and going to hospital appts. Not once has she offered to help with the petrol costs. She lives 25 miles away so mileage runs into more than 50 miles every time, and usually much more.

I decided to stop doing this two years ago as I was beginning to feel resentful. Then, today, my mother tells me she took my sister out to lunch as she had stayed with her for a few days.

For the twenty years I had her stay at ours for weekends and days out, feeding her and giving her a comfortable room well, yes, I feel rather put out. So yes, I understand what you are saying. We all have choices, and I made mine. xx

I don't drive but always offer to cover at least petrol & parking costs for any lifts I am given. Sometimes it is more appropriate to offer the equivalent of cab fare (I find it more bearable to go out with someone I know rather than a stranger cabbie - I don't go out often!) When there have been periods in my life that I needed more lifts (mainly hospital & doctor's visits) I also paid the bill for one persons new set of tyres and a few repairs on another person's vehicle, as I felt my numerous journeys would've contributed towards the wear & tear of the car. I'm lucky that the few friends I have are willing to give me a lift if they can, and I don't feel so bad for asking if I know I am not costing them money as well as their time and vehicle use (something else I've contribute towards financially when I know someone took a few hours off work to stay with me and give me a lift home too for instance) . I think it just boils down to being considerate.

If someone offers money towards the petrol or parking (especially if they don't drive themselves) then why refuse it. It doesn't come for free and if their offers are constantly refused then they may stop offering, not just to you but to others as well. If someone doesn't or can't offer reciprocal arrangements, then I say, 'As I've driven, perhaps you would like to pay for the parking!

Shame on you if you allow this to happen more than once.

Yes just what grannysue05 says.
When I used to go out walking with a friend it was a case of taking it in turns and the passenger bought the tea and cake .
It is very uncomfortable not to be allowed to contribute when given a lift.

My gripe is more with our children. We do so much to create good times, get them what they ask for, help them out... Only one of or four reciprocates and is kind and gives and doesn't expect. If we go out it's always us who pays the bill. We obviously got something wrong!!

Hey.

I had a question regarding friends and paying for parking.

I always pick them up from someone’s house and drive them to places either 15, 20 or 25 minutes away and then back again to that persons house. We all split the parking but I just feel like since I’m driving them around and paying for petrol they should just split it among themselves ?

Cause I am only 19 and I work 2 shifts a week and pay so much for my car and at the end of the day they are not paying money for an Uber or the bus so the least they can do is pay for the parking without me.

How do I tell them this ? I feel awkward bringing it up with them cause I don’t want to seem like I’m greedy or don’t want to pay that $4.

These days so many car parks want you to input your car registration number, or use an app, so it is simpler for the car owner to see to this. Many machines only take cards, and in general, it is harder to get cash. So other ways of thanking drivers are useful eg paying for their meal. But motoring is costly, and if you are using someone’s willingness to drive, a financial recompense is due. Just need to find the best way to do it, and drivers not to be taken for granted.

A neighbour used to borrow my car to go to church or whatever- usually short trips but they mounted up. Amazingly my car does not run on fresh air so I said something. Now he usually hires a car or gets a minicab!

We went abroad with friends. They drove to the airport. We agreed to share the airport parking costs and split the petrol. IMO the petrol they charged us for was more like the full amount than half.

We went away with them again but in the UK so no airport. We drove. The distance to the airport was around the same as to our UK holiday destination. We went out and about quite a bit in the car whilst we were away. They never offered to pay a penny towards petrol.

Maybe to them it didn't count as we were still in the UK.

I know someone who used to do that. I'd pick her up, drive to the place, get a parking ticket, pay for lunch - she'd pay for coffee. I eventually got wise to it and suggested I meet her at a place, then I used to arrive early and buy my own lunch. She then had to buy her own. We took turns in buying the coffee.

Some people are just tight - some excessively so. I was having a major whinge to a dd about this yesterday after a friend who’d been staying with us exhibited (to me) unforgivably tight behaviour that made me really cross. She has form for it, though.

Dd says she knows many the same, inc. people who frequently ‘drop in’ uninvited, proceed to drink a couple of glasses of their wine, and never bring a bottle.

Of course I said ‘Don’t offer wine, then, just a cup of tea’ , but she and SiL are both generous and hospitable to a fault, and aren’t likely to change now.