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To down size or not to down size.

(90 Posts)
Gardenman99 Sun 12-Nov-17 20:59:02

I would like to sell our house pay off the mortgage and move into a one bedroom flat and retire however my wife will not hear of it. She has retired aged 72 I am 69. We had to add to our mortgage some years ago to have a new roof and kitchen. I tell my wife her refusal is stopping me retireing. Her argument is our children and grandchildren will not be able to stay with us in the school holidays if we moved to a one bed flat. What do you think.

Sunlover Sun 12-Nov-17 21:15:46

Could you not move to a two bed flat allowing family to still visit? We have recently moved into a two bed flat and absolutely love it.

cornergran Sun 12-Nov-17 22:59:23

I’m wondering how big your current home is. Downsizing is about letting go of more than bedroom(s), it’s about a way of life and the contents of your home. I can understand your desire to finish a mortgage and stop work, I can also understand your wife’s desire to have space for family to stay. Would a two bedroomed property be manageable within your budget? As sunlover says that gives room for family but it also gives you and your wife space to live. One bedroomed flats can be very claustrophobic for a couple used to more space. Whatever you decide I hope you can come to an agreement taking account of the viewpoint of each other. Resentment isn’t the best way to begin a retired life together. I hope this can be worked out amicably, wishing you both well.

Smithy Sun 12-Nov-17 23:06:47

Good idea, suggesting a 2 bedroom as opposed to a one bedroom. I moved to a 2 bedroom house, and the second bedroom is small but it's a world of difference from just having one!

Leticia Mon 13-Nov-17 06:30:16

We downsized but not that small! I can see why she is refusing - you need family to be able to stay. We can still fit them all in at Christmas even though it is very squashed.

Anya Mon 13-Nov-17 06:36:04

I understand that you are ready and want to retire, but are unable to because of this new extension and the financial burden this has placed on you.

How much longer does this mortgage have to run? And I’m guessing that a two-bedroomed flat will cost significantly more that a one-bedroomed one two.

If your wife is so determined to keep your present house then she ought to be prepared to take on work too so you can share the cost.

Leticia Mon 13-Nov-17 07:16:30

I agree that your wife shouldn't just refuse without some discussion as to how you are to afford it- e.g both do part time work.
We really need more details about the size of your present house.

bumblebee123 Mon 13-Nov-17 07:52:30

Lots of things to consider here. The one that has me thinking is your name, 'Garden man 99'. From this I assume that you like gardening. I might be wrong but I am under the impression that you do not get a garden with a flat. Do you have an allotment?

Christinefrance Mon 13-Nov-17 08:54:34

A one bedroom flat will have reduced space in other rooms as well. I understand your wish to reduce outgoings but I think there could be some compromise here. You need to consider carefully how limited space would be for two of you. Good luck.

Liz46 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:07:06

I wouldn't want to move to a one bedroomed home. For the last few months I have been sleeping in the spare room because of health problems. I hope to move back into my normal bed soon but was pleased we had the extra bedroom.

Teetime Mon 13-Nov-17 09:10:53

I agree with the advice to get a 2 bed if you possibly can for all the reasons specified. We find that as hotel chains like Premier lodge give very good deals if you book well in advance perhaps visitors can stay there.

silverlining48 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:34:26

Like liz46 we are currently sleeping separately due to health issues. As we get older it is useful to have the choice. Also Understand your wife about visiting children and grandchildren . Can you not look at a 2 bed option? Or equity release to allow you to stay where you are?

Pittcity Mon 13-Nov-17 09:40:45

I agree with the two bedroom route, unless you are happy to sleep on the couch!
Why not try to find somewhere near a travelodge or similar for family visits?
My parents live in a retirement flat and the block has a guest bedroom that can be booked for family.

harrigran Mon 13-Nov-17 10:03:38

I am with your wife on this subject, when you are both retired a one bedroom flat will not allow you space to have time apart. Yes you will need space, trust me.

grannysmith2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:06:59

I wouldn't be without two bedrooms and/or a sofabed'- not used often, but people are welcome

Hm999 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:13:30

Bed settee?

luluaugust Mon 13-Nov-17 10:15:05

In agreement with everybody else its got to be two bedrooms, are you looking to stay in the same neighbourhood, your wife may be worrying about that as well, as ever you need a chat with give and take on both sides and just a thought - you better start clearing out now its taking us ages to get ready to even think of downsizing.

radicalnan Mon 13-Nov-17 10:16:48

She sounds selfish to insist that you keep working to pay the mortgage. You can aways put family in nearby B&B, why should you work yourself into the ground for people who are not there every day. I have very small home now, 3 rooms and a shower rom and we squash all the kids in here for chaotic fun times, get a decent bed setee and a self inflating blow up bed. Kids love 'camping'.

Best get yourself home with large bedroom in case you need single beds at some point.

Anya Mon 13-Nov-17 10:21:43

My thoughts exactly radicalnan

Catlover123 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:23:30

I thought this was GRANSNET? is it not just for GRANS?

Teetime Mon 13-Nov-17 10:29:03

No indeed it is not just for Grans we have a number of male contributors who are very welcome and appreciated here.

meandashy Mon 13-Nov-17 10:32:30

Catlover123 it's all inclusive!!!!

rizlett Mon 13-Nov-17 10:37:01

Is it just that your wife wants to keep a spare bedroom or are there other things that she might be concerned about?

It can be a difficult change when you are together all day. Perhaps she's worried about having time to herself or that she will be left doing all the housework.

It sounds like more discussion might help?

Jalima1108 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:41:02

Good point bumble, a window box is no substitute if you are a keen gardener.

Gardenman99 - that sounds a bit of a drastic downsize - perhaps you should chat to your wife and list the pros and cons and come to a compromise.
Another consideration is that moving costs a lot of money - is it worth it especially as you have updated your present house?

A friend and her DH downsized and she said their new bungalow was too small - she said they couldn't get away from each other if they wanted to!! Perhaps your wife still needs some 'me space' or can send you out into the garden hmm

dbDB77 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:49:02

I think you and your wife need to have a really serious conversation about how you want to spend the rest of your lives - it could easily be 15 or more years. Then together you find a property to suit your new retired lifestyles - compromising as necessary. Don't let a property dictate your life - buy the property that suits your life - but first you need to know what you hope & plan that life to be.
There could be all sorts of reasons why your wife is reluctant to move - sentimental attachment to a family home and all its memories - she may be fearful of the future and feel that a 1 bedroom flat (or any flat) signals her "aged" status - she might not be ready just yet and is using the DC & DGC as an excuse. Have you told her your worries - perhaps about continuing at work, house maintenance or whatever? Have you told her about your dreams & hopes for the future?
Take her out for a lovely meal and talk.
Good luck.

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