Meltdown in the supermarket!

I hope you feel a bit better now. I know exactly how you feel. My late DH loved Christmas. The first Christmas after he died when I went to the supermarket and heard Christmas songs I couldn't stop crying. This went on for another three or four years. I started getting most of my shopping online. I still don't usually listen to music as so many songs remind me of the past and make me cry.

Oh sunseeker your post has me in tears too - I'm so sorry that must have been so hard for you and a huge virtual hug

I think a total ban on Christmas music would be wonderful. I can't think straight and M&S this morning was dreadful, loud and changing frequently so it was intrusive. It wasn't possible to tune out. Sainsbury's at least was quieter and I think gave me time to think and probably I spent more. I know I left m&s without buying quite a few things. I don't associate any music with anyone so I wouldn't have the same problem as op but sympathy.

I agree I shed a tear too (not for my departed ex) but my Mum and Dad Mum loved Christmas and my long suffering Dad did all the getting the decorations down from the loft even when they were too old to be climbing around I miss them such a lot they died within 6 months of each other one day before their 70th wedding anniversary Mum never knew Dad had died as she had Alzheimer’s and didn’t know him but I could just hear her saying “ you’re not going anywhere without me”

Every day seems to see my crying at some point these days. There isn't much that doesn't remind me of my loss.
I'm very, very uncomfortable with emotional stuff: crying just mortifies me.

Oh sunseeker I do understand and don't worry about what anyone you don't know might have thought. Since DS died in July I have found myself blurting it all out to complete strangers in the oddest places but people are so kind it doesn't seem to matter. In fact I congratulated myself on not blurting the other day!

Thank you for posting this because I keep feeling that I should 'pull myself together' and 'get on with it' by now, If you still feel like that after 6 years I feel you have given me permission to feel as I do.

Big hug.

Sunseeker - my condolences. I hope you are feeling better now.

Yes, I had a meltdown in a coffee shop this morning with my friend. She asked how my poorly grandson is doing and I had to reply 'not good' and suddenly tears were streaming down my face, all unexpected. Felt so stupid.

Why do we avoid letting go when we are upset? What is the problem with it?

Says she who is a past master at hiding her feelings and bottling up my emotions.

It’s the unexpected things that catch us out I think. I once stood at the bottom of an escalator in a very busy shopping complex and howled because I had seen the back of a head that looked just the same as my Grandad’s who had died a few months before. I was with our two young sons who just gave me a tissue and yanked me onwards. They weren’t at all embarrassed, although I was. Look after yourself sunseeker, it happens to most of us at some time.

Oh yes sunseeker. The moments hit when they hit, I'm afraid. This is from the lady who was found sobbing into the men's underwear in Debenhams because I suddenly realised that I would never be buying men's underwear again!
That was some years ago but I can still be caught unawares especially at this time of year

Oh Sunseeker my heart goes out to you. So is not just me then.
I tried to do a Waitrose shop the week after Paw’s funeral and found myself physically incapable of taking single sizes off the shelf. I dare say everybody wasn’t a couple or happy family but they seemed it to me.
The final straw was a brass band playing carols outside the store.
Result - FAIL
Internet shopping for the time being.

Mind you it’s not just the predictable “triggers” which sneak up on me. I never know whether I will wake up in tears and be useless all day, or whether I will have my sensible head on.

Sympathy to all who have a difficult time at this ‘festive season’ and are reminded of their loss all the keener.
Never feel embarrassed though, find a quiet place to sit until you can carry on.
I think most of us will (or have already) have these moments.

Yes, it’s happened to me. In the middle of a busy shopping centre and I was caught off guard and couldn’t help myself. I found a service doorway and just cried. And then some kind soul asked I was OK and I went into stiff upper lip mode, mumbled something unintelligible and hurried away. I was probably very rude to that person and I’d like to apologise to whoever it was because she was just being very kind but I could cope with her kindness and my grief at the same time.

Couldn’t cope, duh!

Last year(1st Christmas without DH) I made a conscious decision not to listen to Classic FM. They play a lot of John Rutter which we both loved and DH had his own favourites which he would join in with.
It gets a bit better as the months/years go by, I find. This year I was able to sing in our village choir without welling up,and I have had CFM on all day. Music, like pefume, evokes such memories... I still get a bit weepy (on my own) when I hear Oh Holy Night, especially the Pavarotti version.
David Essex's 'Winter's Tale' resonates for a particular sad family reason..... and it's a real 'moan' as DH would say but can still make me feel emotional..... and it was being played in Wilko's(!!) last week, and when I went into the Oxfam shop 2 doors down the street... bugger me if the blinkin' thing wasn't being played again! I'm afraid I entered , walked briskly round the shop and departed.

I think it’s perfectly normal. There are still times after 23 and 6 years when something unexpected will trigger of my Mum or Dad and tears will start. I suppose to have these feelings means that we have been lucky enough to have lived and been loved.

To quote something I read: 'Grief is the price we pay for love'. A bit corny, but true.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Nonnie - it is still very early days for you don't let anyone tell you that you should pull yourself together. I try to remember what someone told me shortly after DH died, they said the pain doesn't get easier, you just learn to carry it better.

I was just the same a couple of Saturdays ago, the Salvation Army was playing carols in town, and it took me back to when my hubby used to be a brass bandsman, and played around the streets at Christmas.

sunseeker I'm so sorry and if I was there in the supermarket I would definitely give you a hug. I shall be looking out for anyone else in such a situation. Christmas is so emotional and music is such a huge trigger but can also be a real comfort. My best wishes for a peaceful Christmas and a hopeful 2018.

christmas is a real struggle for those of us that have lost loved ones, so a massive hug for everyone out there that needs one xxx

Songs are so special and moving I think most people would have a “moment “ like this .I know I have .
Don’t feel bad or embarrassed for having a kind heart xxx

Christmas and bereavement are a devastating combination. We used to have such lovely ones after our family grew up and left. Now it's just me and I hate it, especially when the supermarkets start winding it up back in November after they've finished with flogging fireworks and hideaous Halloween masks. I'll be travelling 300 miles to be with my loving family, but would rather stay home with my guy if that were possible. Hugs to any of you who feel this way.

Oh sunseeker that really choked me, picturing you struggling to control your emotions like that in public. You poor thing, it must have been so hard. I do hope you felt better very quickly. and (((hugs)))