Soop's welcoming and supportive kitchen

kitty hope things are ok with Mr Kitty.

Ann please don’t think you have failed your DH. There are limits to everyone’s endurance and when you needed help from outside sources, it was often too slow coming, so you did a sterling job and you must focus on that now. Please be kind to yourself.?

Soop glad to hear that MacS got to his appointment (and you got your fish and chips!) We were plagued with dashboard lights too last week. Turned out to be a false alarm triggered by changing the two front tyres, but we nearly had to abandon the school run.

kitty I hope your dithers are now settled, that your DH made it home okay and that his eye is improved. You’ll deserve that glass of wine!

Kitty I hope all has gone well with your husband. My DD had a similar experience.
Ann, it’s been a really emotional time for you. No wonder you feel as you do. I hope you have a restful night.

I’m only an occasional here and see that all of life is reflected on this thread.

Anne I think you have been unbelievably brave. ?

Kitty what a worry for you having to dash back to your DH, keep us up to speed with his recovery.

Good to see you here Panache hugs and ?to you and your DH.

I hope all is well with Mr K, Kitty and thoughts to Ann and the Ps.

Oh ann, of course you didn’t fail your husband, the system sadly failed you both. Sleep well, sending a warm hug. .

Goodness kitty, what a dilemma. Hope your husband is home safely with positive news about his eyes. A hug for you too.

I’m buzzing after the concert. There are some superb musicians in that school. Mr C is tutting so time to turn off. Wishing you all a quiet and peaceful night.

Dear Ann your DH will now be able to enjoy seeing his wife no longer tired out and at the end of her tether. You will have more patience and things to tell him about. His life will be enriched by more company_ other residents and staff. Take a day at a time and don't over analyse it. You will feel brighter and physically better in a few weeks. All the best.xx

Quick whizz in to wish kittys husband well and hope for a better day for ann and Mr and Mrs panache. A hug for all who need one.

Ann you have not failed your husband, you have made the correct decision for both of you. From what you have posted on here there is now way you could have carried on like you have been. Now you can visit your husband and spend time with him not feeling utterly exhausted.

My Mum felt guilty when my step-father had to go into residential care (vascular dementia) it took a couple of months for her to realise that it was for the best for both of them.

Panache hope,you had a peaceful night and that Mr P is more comfortable.

I am beside myself with excitement this morning, we finally have all our radiators fitted and the builders and decorators will be gone at the end of today!!!!

Annsixty -what the others say.
There is absolutely no way that you have failed your OH , he is ill and you are neither equipped nor qualified to care for him at home.
In time (and I hope very soon) you will realise that this is best for his mental and physical well-being. It does not mean you have abrogated the responsibility of “caring “ for him, you have been forced to choose the only way.
TBH he will probably not have found it any different from the respite care he had earlier in the year, so grieve by all means but in no way can you apportion blame, least of all to yourself.

Ann I hope you feel a tiny bit more relaxed today. Your H has been away before and he seemed to accept it so as far as he is concerned he will be fine. For you it just feels final but tbh you could not have gone on any longer. In time you will feel happy with your decision and you will get into a routine of visiting. You will have had better nights’ sleep and feel altogether better in yourself.
Kitty if it is a detached retina I imagine your husband will have the operation today? The eye will be covered for a while. Thank goodness for such prompt attention, which in the case of detached retina is paramount. My daughter’s eye is fine now.
Panache how are you both?

ann, I hope the appointment at the stroke clinic passes off easily and you are able to pick H up and drop him off again without regrets. If previous experience is anything to go by, he should have settled in reasonably well.
I do hope you have had a good night's sleep and feel able to cope with your new situation. xxxx

Dear Ann as I repeatedly say, I think you have been very brave in relinquishing the care of your H to those trained especially in this work,where they can safely give him the caring he needs....... which is progressive.
In no way can you ever think you have failed him,your caring has been well above what could ever be expected from anyone, let alone a lady of your years.
In fact your care has been exceptional.

Please look forward to now being a rested less fraught wife whom can happily visit with a smile,have time together without all the constant demands that were so tiring and beyond your best caring in these latter days.
Actual time together to actually chat.

Our situation remains fraught whilst some wheels are -slowly -moving ,the SS have also been informed.

“My patient” is as good as gold and each of us are doing what we can to get through meanwhile,but although he now sleeps by the drugs taken, I remain so tired and yet cannot sleep....such a bind.

Thankfully we have just taken a 1000 litres of oil for our heating plus a gas bottle for our fire,and my dear one has the habit when shopping, to buy enough to feed an army until Christmas, so from those points we are well fixed.

This move is obviously getting more desperate and remains my constant worry.This is the redlight I have dreaded...........
However we trudge along thinking life could be worse and sadly is for so very many people.

Wishing you all the very best.

Morning all ,

How is MrKitty ? I hope things were not as bad as you expected and he is home safely.

Ann not one person think you have failed - in fact you have done one of the most selfless things by letting him go somewhere where they can manage . You matter too you know !! Its time for you to be able to relax too.

Soop sorry to hear about the car issues , glad it resolved itself- missing your fish and chips treat is unacceptable :-)

Glad to hear you're getting by Panache , as an oil user too its a nightmare of mine running out. I can cope with plenty of things except being miserably cold.

Its not the best solution but have you considered renting out your house and renting somewhere smaller with the funds until your house sells? Im sure you have but its just a thought.

I am firmly ensconced in the West Wing but heating is proving a challenge. So a warm air blower is en route which should help.

Ill add some pictures later , time to go and defrost a tad I think !!

Hello to the Kitcheners! Beautiful sunny day first thing although cold. Smokie demanded to go out and discovered frost for the first time and that it is cold on the paws so he was running around like a mad thing and was very funny to watch. I wonder what the reaction to snow will be like!

Hope soop & MacS that you are not too tired after your eventful trip, all this technology is great when it doesn't have a funny five minutes. Always puzzling when it goes back to normal functionality without anything changing. Himself calls it 'appreciation time'!

Panache it always seems to take for ever to get things going when your need is so urgent. My own DGM used to quote Longfellow "though the wheels of God grind slowly yet they grind exceeding small, though with patience He stands waiting, with exactness grinds He all" when I was waiting for something. I really hope, pray and expect it will all come just right quite soon now. What a blessing that all your household stocks are so good. We do a similar thing ourselves and have found we need to make big efforts to keep using the oldest things first. All very well if the labels remain legible or haven't dropped off!

ann the thoughts going round in your head about failing your DH are just the normal things that we tend to to when wishing that we were super human. You did so much but we all reach the point when we have to work out the very best options for moving forward which is exactly what you have done. The system does not help to make these decisions any easier because the first thought the authorities have (whoever and whatever they are) is their budget because 'cash is king' and if they can shift the onus on to you then you might manage on your own a bit longer, cynical but true!
I hope all went well yesterday and that you managed some good and restful sleep particularly with the clinic appointment today.

kitty thinking about you and your DH today!

(((hugs))) for all who could do with one.

Just rushing in to say thank you for your kind wishes for Dh. We got to the hospital at 8.30, he was given eye drops, saw a doctor who wanted a second opinion, had more drops, saw the 2nd doctor, got an appointment for next week and we were home for 12.30. There is a bleed behind the eye which is making it difficult to see whether there is a tear or not. Dh has to sleep sitting up till next Thursday's appt and go back if his vision gets worse. Our NHS is brilliant.

Panache I wish our social care was the same. I also wish that we could establish a rota to come and help you.

Ann, I hope your day hasn't been too difficult for you.

Love to all who need it - I'm off to Sainsbury's and hope I'm not too discombobulated to do a proper shop.

Back later.

Quick pop in to see how Mrkitty is.
I can only hope the next appt gives you a more positive diagnosis and everything is well.
I am kn......d today, I didn't sleep and getting H to hospital was hard work.
He slept in the wrong room so this morning was dressed in someone elses clothes, not a good start to life in care.
I send my dearest thanks to everyone, I will reply to all.
Very best love to Panache and her dear husband, that their problems will be sorted as I hope mine are starting to be.
I am so happy to be part of such a supportive group here in our kitchen, it is a blessing to belong.

Ann have you written his name in his clothing, that’s what we did. The staff were fantastic but not able to remember who’s clothes were who’s.
??

Glad to “see” you kitty what a few days you’ve had let’s hope it all settles down without an op and with no adverse sight issues and no op needed. I’d think a shopping trip could be a dangerous thing right now, you’ll probably spend a fortune and have nothing for tonight dinner!
Thinking of Ann as well as Panache and her good man too.

Wish I was wherever you are synonymous it’s grey, damp and dreich here today. The hardy gardening ladies came put my garden to bed for the winter this morning. Bless their frozen wee hands, they earned every penny I paid them. did feel a wee bit guilty holed up in the kitchen with the oven on to bake some biscuits!

Hope you get the heating sorted in the West Wing N&G, cold hands and feet aren’t pleasant at all. I have this image of you fleece clad from head to toes... cos that’s what I’d be doing! I hear hot chocolate is very good in these circumstances!
Oops just noticed the time...I’ve a friends daughter coming to interview me as part of her sociology dissertation research! Sorry to all I’ve ignored xx

Thank you Alygran...a wee (hug) goes a very long way.

kitty I'm pleased to hear that your husband's eye problem was taken seriously. You must have been awfully concerned. No doubt about it...we are so very fortunate to have the NHS. I cannot imagine how we'd cope if we needed to pay for our treatment. We'd be on our uppers. Where did that phrase come from? I bet *Elegran will know. I'm guessing it's connected with shoe leather. Could be wrong.

Ann Should I ever find myself experiencing the heartbreaking choices that you have needed to make, I hope with every fibre of my being that I do so even half as well as you have. We all agree. You are a wonderful lady. A truly caring wife. A steadfast and loyal friend to your husband.

It's really good to see yet more familiar pals coming into the kitchen.

N&G Are you wearing thermal bloomers? I understand that they can be very cosy. As a child we wore fleece-lined liberty bodices. I liked mine. Very chic when worn with navy blue wyncyette knickers (with a wee pocket for a hankie).

Panache You are never far from my thoughts. Every day I hope that something positive will happen to lift your spirits and calm your fears.

Having made a little progress with the Labrador watercolour I've decided to close the studio for today. I now have my own ironing to do. After which, I exchange the chalet mat for one that has been warmed on the top of the boiler. Then it will be time to prepare Tabitha's supper.

It has been a glorious day in Kintyre. The sea has been ultra calm, the sky was cloudless.

Tomorrow we visit our pal in the care home. Doesn't time fly by as one matures?

My love to all our Granspals. I shall catch up with you all tomorrow afternoon.

Good afternoon to everyone. It's been a very cold day here, grey, grey and more grey. I don't think it's become light all day.
[ to Panache and MrP. Ann I totally agree with everyone else that in no way have you failed your dear H. There comes a time when you have to look after yourself. Your H will be well looked after and when you visit you will be more relaxed.
I've ordered a few more Christmas presents this afternoon, I'm try to get it all done before I go to visit DD1 next week and before OH goes into hospital on the 10th December for his second hip revision.
DD2 sent me a picture of 10 month old Charlotte this morning, very poorly, just lying on the floor cuddling her blanket, feeling too unwell to do anything. Hopefully she will be on the mend tomorrow.

Quite right soop. If you're 'on your uppers' - which I hope you aren't - you have worn out the soles of your shoes!

Glad your DH is getting good care kitty.
ann you made me remember my SIL getting upset with the care home staff dressing my brother in someone else's trousers when his own were hanging in the wardrobe. Sometimes the clothes get mixed up but I have to say that in the 18 months or so he was in that care home they treated him with kindness and care. They talked to him and got to know his ways. They made a point of learning about him and how he liked things to be and they looked after him so well. They also took good care of my dear SIL who visited him often and all in all I think they gave the best possible care he could have. I hope you are as lucky with the home your DH is in. Try and rest now a bit ann you have done all that could be expected and more.
panache I do hope that help comes soon and pray that you too sleep tonight.