Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

Me!! I’ve been down here all the time you’ve been away. The door jammed and I couldn’t get out. Mind you, it hasn’t been too bad. I’ve had company ? and I’ve drunk the cellar dry ?. Be nice to get some fresh air though ?

For anyone new venturing through our doors, we man the bar, clean the kitchen, do a bit of baking and discuss our (usually bad) behaviour and any other bits of chat.
We get on well, but marydoll runs off with the takings now and then and has an ‘arrangement’ with Big Jim our cellarman.We all fight over the Admiral and the Captain, two old seadogs who call in every day for a snifter.
If George Clooney calls in we chain him to the Nespresso machine for a while ( he escapes eventually).
Soop sometimes brings us home baked Scottish delicacies such as haggis, bloaters in aspic,deep fried bits and bobs etc.
Doodle and Meno are not to be trusted with....well, almost anything, and maddyone only pretends to clean, and needs an eye keeping on her around the sausage rolls.

lemongrove I am sorry but "clean" is not a word that most in the argy have heard of! I must give a demonstration on how things should be kept but I may catch some awful disease just walking through the doors. Not nice for a refained person like myself. My sat nav brought me there- I would have preferred the middle of nowhere.

I have returned poteen and a sausage roll for me please (and if you are lucky I shall let you know where I have George Clooney hid and tied up)??⛓?

Thank you lemongrove have been trying to work out this wondrous GN forum for days now and realise it's delicious madness. Speaking of which...deliciousness I mean... Beetroot chocolate cake and cream tomorrow with as much fizz as I can find. X

You’re welcome here Carillion .....you’ll do for us, rough as ye are ?as we say around here ( if we like someone.)
Delicious madness is about right, anything goes, so loosen your corsets, put your feet up and try a pint of Old Dark Seadog while you wait for the clientele to trickle in( well, stagger in is more apt.) Tottter in, in some cases, especially Marydoll who wears six inch heels, even to clean up( as she is only about four feet five.)
Shall I give you a twirl, I am wearing a new outfit tonight!
Red lurex boob tube, silver lurex miniskirt and red stilettos,
I even shaved my cleavage.?

I always thought that was a ferret round your neck, didn't realise it was chest hair. So that isn't a Yorkshire terrier in your draws?

I think I may stay in soop's kitchen because for me, it is becoming a bit common here and I am too refained for that.

*lemon" are you intending to earn some money (with a bag over your face) wearing that outfit? I suppose you have to pay for your booze somehow and the stuff at the Argy is not cheap.

Well I am definitely up for a laugh today!!!

Thigh high black boots, black pvc dress and my whip is in the bag behind the Admirals chair Shhhh????

Just popping out for vital provisions - headache tablets, anti-bacterial wipes (extra strong) and as there appears to be an "infestation" in Big Jims cellar some cockroach and mouse traps!!!!

You are all so outrageous, I love it x

Well, actually it is a Yorkshire terrier Meno he is so tiny he tucks into my jeans with just his little head poking out, and I like to take him everywhere I go.I can’t let him run around on the floor, he fights with the ferrets.

I have a date night tonight with Thor ( our Scandi barman)
He took one look at my lurex outfit and that was that.?
Now, who allowed the Admiral to have more than three pints of our home brew? Whoever it was will have to get the wheelbarrow from out the back, shovel him onto it and push it down to the docks, he’s cluttering up the floor at the moment.

Oh lemon, for goodness sake that wasn’t your hairy chest you shaved, that was one of the Admirals spare fake beards. It must have got stuck on your chest last time you and he were .....doing the tango. ??

I have decided to go all out with my outfit for tonight. I settled on a homemade strapless mini dress. I was going to make it out of sparkly silver cooking foil but I’d run out..so I used cling film instead. I’ll give you a twirl, what do you think? Great isn’t it? ?

You know why Thor is going out with you tonight don’t you lemon. He can see his own reflection in your lurex outfit and he’s just admiring himself ?

Doodle......ah, all is clear now, haha especially through your cling film mini dress, you look like a giant ball of dough all ready to roll out?
Still, the men around here aren’t fussy.
So much jealousy on display here, Thor is completely under my spell ( no witch jokes please!)

Just because my curves are on view lemon, no need to be jealous. If you’ve got it flaunt it is my motto and I’ve got it in abundance. Off onto the dance floor now to strut my stuff ? stand back everyone, I’m not sure how long the clingfilm will keep it all in ?

Doodle you may regret the cling film look as you know even the keenest of men will never find the end to try and unwrap you.

You certainly do have it in abundance Doodle you nearly had my eye out there!
Meno go and find some sharp scissors, she’ll have to be cut out of it.
OMG she is lap dancing on the Captain! He has a dicky ticker.?

Gosh this cling film is really sweaty stuff ???. I’m dripping everywhere. Don’t know what’s happened to the Captain he’s going a funny colour. He really likes my lap dancing, he’s groaning with excitement ?

I think he's allergic to cling film and he's come out in a nasty rash or else you're squashing the life out of him

Lemon, what’s cleaning? Anyway, who cares about cleaning when Lemon’s wearing a lurex frock, and Doodle’s in a see through mini dress. No one’s going to be looking for dust are they? Especially that Caption and the Admiral! Never mind Thor, his eyes are out on stalks! I think I need to think about my dress, I’m going for my red pvc mini dress and my over the knee white plastic boots. That’ll knock em all dead!

Why not hot pants and knee high boots , I have just joined grans net I does sound like fun.

Welcome but beware of your induction but if you bring food you might get away with it

Welcome vena11 and in the words of the old song....
‘Come round any old time, make yerself ‘at ‘ome,
Put your feet on the mantelshelf, go to the cupboard and ‘elp yerself ‘etc ?
We all help ourselves here, to anything we fancy, a pint of poteen, a ferret roll, Thor or Trev the bar staff.....

lemongrove can I borrow your boob tube, mini and red stilettos? have my own pink fishnets. Had a last minute invite to a rave tonight which I fear might mean a few drinks of pop before the sun's over the yardarm and indeed before I set off with my glitter-ball x