Gilly,
Christmas puts unrealistic demands on all of us and that can be overwhelming when we are dealing with illness or other adversities.
Years ago, when my own mother was incapacitated and confined to a nursing home, we (DH, adult children and GC) decided to take Christmas to her.
We had one gift (framed photo of all of us) which we gave to her at bedside.
After dinner and our own store bought desserts (main course courtesy of the staff), we got her out of bed and wheeled her out to the Living Room area where she could enjoy the enormous Christmas tree they had on display and where some of the aides and nurses were playing the piano and singing Christmas carols.
We spent a good part of the evening singing along, conversing with my mum and others, and the grandchildren dancing and having a wonderful time. The smile on her face was priceless! We ended the visit in order to attend the Christmas Eve Church service.
One simple gift and no gatherings or home made dinners, but 'Great Grandma's Christmas' was indeed one of our most happiest and memorable, and we still talk about it to this day.
Sending you many hugs and blessings