What to do about Christmas?

The problem with Christmas is, people have forgotten what it’s all about, and are too focussed on the “ social “ side. That’s fine if you enjoy it, but if you don’t.....then don’t.

Kathy you may have a point but I think you need to read the thread to find out why gillybob is asking this question. It is more than the usual” Christmas quandary” . Her DH has been in ICU in an induced coma for the last 6 or more weeks and she has spent every day at his bedside.

If it's any consolation, gilly I'm in a similar boat and would dearly love to cancel Christmas altogether but DD2 and her family want us to stay with them and I know she will pull out all the stops to help put what has been a terrible year behind us.

They are moving two hours closer to us next weekend so I should be dancing for joy but....

DH is still not really well enough. After a six week stay in hospital to cure an unexplained infection and a recent diagnosis of heart failure/heart valve disease, he returned home with a c diff infection so it's been yet more antibiotics, unpleasant side effects, mood swings (he doesn't have the strength to knock the skin off a rice pudding) and a scrupulous cleaning regime for me!

The thought of him being taken ill over Christmas in an unfamiliar area away from our familiar hospital and medical team fills me with dread.

Plus....The dogs will have to go into kennels. The older one has cancer and living on borrowed time. They will deal with her medication but I really don't want to leave her as I know she doesn't have much longer. I have to make up my mind by the end of the month when the non returnable deposit is due!

My problems are nowhere near as horrendous as yours and I hope your DH's recent improvement continues so you can spend Christmas Day in the hospital with him and the rest of the time with your family. Why oh why does it fill us with so many challenges when it's just another day?

merlot

from me too Merlot
I can see the very good reasons why your DD would want to make this a special Christmas, but having coped with Paw’s C. Diff for the weeks he was home before he died, it is no light matter. I can also understand how you feel about the dogs - I would be the same.
How far away is your DD going to be once she has moved?
Would a day visit be acceptable-late morning until maybe late afternoon? It’s hard to relax when you know you have a journey home but with somebody to pop in t the dogs for a comfort break, would it not make more sense for your DH?
Or even for them to come to you on Boxing Day? Staying away could be too much for your DH and you need to consider what he could cope with.

I really feel for folk caught up in grief , worry and expectation. Be kind to yourselves, you are important.

@merlotgran, you can indeed just cancel Christmas (I did just that one year) and have your own little dinner at home instead. There is no law against it, you need no permission and everyone will understand - problem solved!

I am sorry to hear of your DHs illness and it’s impact on you. Perhaps take a step back and think how would the family cope if it were you in hospital? Someone else would have to step up. Agree book a taxi for Father, surely he doesn’t expect you to be an unpaid taxi service the whole year round, ditto sister. Just tell your family to take over the catering. Keep your expectations low and concentrate on looking after yourself as well as others.

Thank you Mewb, no I didn’t see that, it’s so sad, I will pray for him.

Gilly I so understand why this is worrying you - you've always been the one in the family who pulls everything together and organises everybody else. But this year I really cannot imagine any of them are expecting you to be doing all the planning.

As others have said, your DD, Evie, your DF and DSis can all come to your house for the day, and they can sort it all out between them. You shouldn't have to do a thing, apart from sit down and enjoy the Christmas lunch that others have cooked for you, and that others will clear away and wash up afterwards, while you go to the hospital.

And who knows? Your DH could very well be much further along the road to recovery by then and the big black cloud you've been under will have shrivelled to almost nothing. We're all still rooting for him, as we have been for several weeks now, with regular prayers from all around the country. Keep hanging in there, it'll all work out, you'll see xx

Merlot I am so sorry to hear of your worries. I hope you can resolve the situation - please don't put yourself and your DH last when deciding what to do. You should do what's right for you.

Although, of course, I can so understand why your DD wants you to be all together this year. Can she and her family not come to you?

Thank you for kind replies but I don't want to hi-jack Gilly's thread. We won't have room for everyone to come here and I know that if we stay on our own DD2 will worry about us and be sad that we're on our own.

DH's health will determine whether or not we go so if we leave it to a last minute decision the only thing we will lose is the deposit for the dogs so that's probably what we'll do and I know DD2 will understand.

gilly, However you spend Christmas you will probably feel detached from it all. Auto pilot is good when you are dealing with everything that's thrown at you but it's hard to switch it off and be your old self because you've almost forgotten where and who she is.

Good that you have the DGCs to focus on. Don't worry about preparations. My answer to it all would be, 'Watch this space!' Somehow it will all come together.

gillybob maybe Evie & your daughter could come over to yours, cook the dinner with her aunt and leave her dog behind? Just for the day - go home that night. Shut the dog in one room with newspapers on the floor to relieve himself (or give a key to a neighbour and ask to let the dog out into her garden once or twice till she gets back). Food for the dog can wait a few hours it won’t do any harm (or ask the neighbour - they will understand the reason for the request) or buy a bowl with a lid that pops up on a timer device for access to food.

You don’t have to overthink this part - let your daughter sort it out.