Messy House

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

When I worked as, what was then called a ‘home help’ , it was always impressed upon me that I was to do what the client wanted, not what I thought he/she should have. If your friend is comfortable with what you call ‘clutter’ then so be it. By the way, perhaps it’s me your talking about - except for the socks as I never wear them!

Blimey, the state of the house seems to have escalated from untidy to a national emergency.

She’s got a few things stored in the downstairs loo and some carrier bags on the floor, she’s not tunnelling her way in through mounds of rubbish piled up to the ceiling.

Staging a little trip and speaking to her gently? The poor woman.

And now I’m talking to myself.........

That was in response to the withdrawn comment.

Unless your friend is Katie Price I wouldn’t worry.

The point is you don't have to live like this . She invites you out the kindness of heart and you are grand net knocking her home . I would wonder if you were a true friend . If someone says to me excuse the mess , I always say I'm here to visit you not your home . You have a choice you don't have to go to her house .

I had a friend like yours Lyndilou, every surface was cluttered, you’d have to move a pile of ironing to sit down, and when she made you a cup of tea, there would be nowhere to put it. If we went around after school, although she didn’t work, breakfast dishes would still be on the table.

I could go on, but as you said, the bathrooms were always clean, and her daughters room was neat as a pin.

Throw into this three dogs and a couple of cats, I used to avoid it whenever I could.

But she was a very kindhearted woman, and a good friend, I just found it really hard to be there.

This sounds like my friend’s house. I can’t even see her worktops or the top of her dining table. The stairs are covered in stuff. I just pretend it’s perfectly normal to live like that and ignore it. I would never say anything. She’s always perfectly turned out when we go anywhere.

Mess only becomes an issue when it tips into real hoarding, which is now classified as a mental health issue.
And before I get criticised for saying this...it IS a real problem casing immense distress and very concrete practical problems for everyone who comes into the hoarders orbit.
I used to be a district nurse, and I can tell you that trying to treat somebody surrounded by clutter and mess was usually extremely difficult...that is if we even managed to get into the house in the first place!
It’s a massive problem and far more common than most people realise.

You are going to see your friend not her house. As long as it is clean and your friend is happy , it no ones business but hers.
I have a lovely friend who has a show home , she loves it. I think its soulless. I say each to their own.

Surely it’s down to your friend how she lives, it’s not your house so why concern yourself with it, you say it’s clean so it’s clutter, when you go to her house you say you feel uptight by all the mess, I wonder how she would feel if she knew you were posting about her on a public forum: I go to see my friends to actually see them not their houses,

Tidy house tidy mind.
But not everyone thinks that way.

If you are a tidy person it can make you slightly twitchy to see masses of 'stuff' that you would love to clear away, but it is her home - please relax and enjoy your friend and the wine evenings and try not to look at the clutter. I got a little bit obsessive about cleaning years ago. A dear friend who is arty and clever gave me a tiny dark wood hand made frame, with a pressed flower in the corner and in her beautiful script she had painted 'An immaculate home is a sign of a wasted life'. I took that to heart and have never regretted it.

Some people are just like this. I probably would be if it wasn't for tidy minded DH. If the worktops are cluttered she won't be using them for food prep anyway.

I don’t think we should attribute personal characteristics to people on the basis of whether they are tidy or untidy. I am sure there are unpleasant and pleasant people who are tidy and untidy. I find only having the possessions you need and not having too much unnecessary stuff very relaxing and less exhausting to keep reasonably tidy and clean. But some people love their stuff.

Oh God we've probably all got a messy friend, my closest pal is very similar, although not a hoarder just doesn't clear as she goes. I remember being around her when she unloaded her dishwasher and put all the clean items amongst the dirty ones waiting to go in and just left them like that, did think "how strange" but not my place to comment Another time after peeling potatoes she left all the peelings in the sink and then came back to them later and said "who left all this crap in the sink?" I did muster my tiny voice with a "you did" on that occasion. She leaves piles of everything everywhere, but that's her way and her home. Best leave well alone I'd say OP.

Oh ellen that’s quite hurtful in no way did I make a bitter post I didn’t agree with one of your ideas and I m allowed to express that without being called bitter
If the friend asked for help or is expressing discomfort in her muddle of course that’s brilliant to suggest helping but to suggest to someone’s who is obviously comfortable with her situation that you can help clear it up doesn’t seem right to me but to be called bitter over a different take on a subject is pretty extreme

Imagine how hurt your friend would be if she knew you had written this post! Surely the important thing is that she makes you feel welcome AND provides wine! Although I keep my kitchen and bathroom clean, I do tend to accumulate clutter and sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming. If I tidy everything away, often I won’t be able to find stuff! Try to close your eyes to all her clutter, relax and just enjoy her friendship.

Live and let live. Even Marie Kondo has opened an online shop!!

I don't believe that most people in cluttered houses really enjoy the situation, unless the clutter is an organised collection and their hobby. I think it happens because after a certain point the thought of sorting it out becomes overwhelming and then it keeps getting put off. Subsequent items coming in are then harder to put away since the places that would have been their homes are now stuffed with things that shouldn't be there, so it all snowballs exponentially. A close friend who is good at tidying can be a godsend offering to help make a start.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Haha. Gave me a giggle. Had I known you were coming I would have done what I do for my child’s OCD spouse and MIL and swept the bigger stuff into a spare room and smaller stuff into a box which also disappears into the spare room.
On the kitchen windowsill above the radiator which I am facing at this minute is a Christmas ornament made by a grandson, a pot full of pegs for the washing, two paint brushes drying, an advent calendar, containers of safety pins and thumbtacks, my telephone book, a little rabbit basket with cards in it for hairdresser, taxi cabs, the gym etc., 25 beans drying for next year’s runner beans, the house phone and a piece of card with my daughter’s phone number in so my grandson can call her if I became ill when looking after him. Oh and the radiator has a lovely small tin on it drying and a tea towel doing the same.
As for the under the stairs loo, it houses all my small tools (in matching crates, including saws and glues and garden trowels etc. As well as the steam mop and hoover. When we bought this house 40 years ago there was a bath under the slope of the stairs!

If anyone gave me that Marie Kontos book I would likely crown them with it.

She may think that your house is sterile and unhomely!. One person's 'clutter' is another person's 'lived in'. It's really none of your business, is it?

I like that “One (wo) man’s clutter is another (wo)man’s ‘lived-in’”
In other words
I like my bits n bobs around me as they make the house homely
You have quite a lot of stuff
Her house is an absolute mess...
Even the thread title is judgemental but if she is a friend and you enjoy regular “wine nights” I know which I think is more important!

Lots of people live like this it’s not your place to judge. I bet she would be upset if she knew what you think of her home.
Why do you visit if you can’t stand it? Go out.
I’m going to look at my mop and bucket in the loo along with the shoes and boots .