Messy House

A cluttered home might be a home crying out for more storage which may be unaffordable. I have a cleaner who keeps home clean but it is a bit cluttered. Would love more cupboards or shelving but honestly cannot afford it. I couldnt live in a home so tidy you are afraid to move in case you make room look untidy

I have a sign hanging up... It says...
It's my mess and I love it.

It is how she wants to live. You say it is clean so what does it matter...

Pity the poor person who will have to clear it all out if she ever has to go into care (or worse)

Otherwise just open another bottle

I prefer going to a friend's messy home than one where it's all cream carpets and you feel just by being there you are going to mess it up. I certainly wouldnt suggest you offer to help her clear her clutter, not unless she asks for help.

I am very fond of my sister-in-law, but she does take tidiness to what I would regard as an extreme. You can extrapolate from these two examples: she keeps everything, including the kettle and coffee machine in a kitchen drawer. When she ran out of beds for guests, she made her adult step-daughter sleep on the hard utility room floor, rather than on the sofa. I could go on.

My house is what I would regard as 'ordinary' - lived in but clean and not too cluttered, but she could scarcely contain her distaste when she stayed with us and made it plain what she would do to it if it was her house.

I could never, ever make negative comments in anyone else's home, whatever I thought. Not even in my children's.

We took her to visit our local 'stately home' and I commented on one of the rooms that it was elegant but still nice and livable-in. 'Mmmm', she replied doubtfully - 'I think I would want to get rid of most of the furniture!'

I had a friend years ago who always said her house was cluttered enough to be happy and clean enough to be healthy. I think I want my house to be like that and I hope it is.

This is like the issue of being morbidly obese. We’re all supposed to say nice things and assume people are happy as they are in case anyone gets offended. But in actual fact we all know that being terribly overweight is dangerous health-wise. Same goes for your friend. She’s probably a very nice person but she clearly has underlying problems that enable her to live in a hovel. It’s just not healthy and it’s not nice to be around. There’s no way surfaced are spotlessly clean under all that clutter. Maybe bring the chat around to why she feels stuck in life and can’t let go of old baggage in order to move on.

I’m the messy friend!!
I veer from extremely tidy, where everything has to be in its’ home, to can’t be bothered weeks where the clutter builds up. I much prefer tidy, organised and clean but life gets in the way. If I know someone is coming, I make a huge effort the day before. If I have a week with no one expected I let it slide. I actually quite enjoy tidying up a big mess, as it seems so much more satisfying seeing the transformation!! I would love to be Mrs Tidy with an always perfect home, but I now accept that is not me. I have too many hobbies, too many books; too much stuff. That’s me.
I had a friend once who used to hover near her husband while he finished reading the paper; her aim was to take the paper to the outside bin the moment he’d finished, as she couldn’t bear the “clutter” of it lying on the chair arm.
We’re all different!

Tidiness/untidiness is a more complex subject than it first seems. It can be linked to depression or OCD, simple lack of time, motivation or storage space or access to disposal facilities, or an inability to identify stuff as essential, desirable or surplus to requirements . My mother was incredibly houseproud when I was a child to the point of throwing out stuff regularly if there wasn't space to store it neatly. However after my father died she became a hoarder and a collector of jumble sale finds. All I would say is that if ever she mentions it to you as a problem for her, be ready to offer to help if you can do so in a non judgemental and practical way.

Some people get up tight about untidiness, which is what I think the OP is talking about, and some people don't.

My daughters have described our house as "organised chaos". It might look chaotic to some people but it actually isn't. OH and I do stuff. We have interests. It shows. As one friend put it: "I like your house; there’s always something to look at."

All of my daughters have complained when they've gone to live in other houses that other people's standards of cleanliness where it matters are way below mine and what I taught them about hygiene.

as long as she knows you would help if she asked then you have to accept its her way, some like minimal, some like stuff, if she were to say i cant cope with all this mess, then offer to help clear out or buy her folders and boxes to keep things in, but until then it is who she is,

My friend's house was an absolute pit! The kitchen was somewhere it was best not to go in and just accept the generously offered tea and biscuits that came out of it very frequently. The sink was always full of dirty dishes that were half submerged in murky cold water. The living room was jaw droppingly messy; not a clear chair orsofa to sit on without moving stuff first; the floor covered with newspapers, magazines, dog leads, carrier bags both empty and half full of shopping. I never dared to go in the bathroom!

But Pam died last year and it took her family months to clear her house out. And I miss her kindness, endless generosity and ever open door to me. She was more than a tidy house. She was a brilliant, loyal and much loved friend.

Look past the mess witchypoo, it just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I come from a long line of 'clutterbugs' - on both sides of the family. Your friend sounds great and obviously a very interesting person. When we were young, one particular cousin used to love visiting our home with his parents as he found it a treasure-trove of interesting things. He especially liked looking through the drawers of our large sideboard! His mother (not a blood-relative to us) was an obsessive cleaner and tidy-upper. You only had to put a paper or magazine down for a few seconds before it was whisked away to the bin. Sadly she died of throat cancer, and I'm convinced it was caused by her incessant dusting and polishing and daily use of all types of cleaning products. She wasn't a smoker or drinker.

Same goes for your friend. She’s probably a very nice person but she clearly has underlying problems that enable her to live in a hovel. It’s just not healthy and it’s not nice to be around. There’s no way surfaces are spotlessly clean under all that clutter. Maybe bring the chat around to why she feels stuck in life and can’t let go of old baggage in order to move on

Where on earth do you lilythepink get that OP’s friend lives “in a hovel” ?

Methinks you might just be overthinkng this ? Might be a short lived friendship if OP follows your advice

Beautiful post, Chewbacca .

It's not your house!

I am logging off now and starting to tidy the kitchen. It's just a bit of clutter on the breakfast bar, the rest is clean and tidy.
Oh, a couple of boxes, papers on a chair as well

Is she happy with the clutter? If so I don't think you should say anything, it's her home and its up to her how she lives if she wants to be tidy but finds it hard then offer to help. But don't offer until you know how she really feels. When my children were young my home was always untidy. I hated it when my mother in law offered 'advice she was very minimalist and ' it always seemed like she was critiisisng me . When in fact we were just comfortable in difetent types of homes.

My Dd is just like this.

She is extremely untidy, clutter everywhere.

The only difference is that her house is not very clean.
Every time I go round there I feel uncomfortable and can’t wait to leave. She doesn’t seem to notice the dirt.

Friend ??!! If it were my friend, I wouldn't notice!

- hovel definition: 1. a small home that is dirty and in bad condition.
But the new definition is now - any home which needs tidying???
Apart from the serious mental health condition of “hoarding”, when has being messy or untidy been such a judgmental issue? I’m glad I don’t have such critical friends. Having a “spotless” home or a completely tidy home does not imply superiority or goodness. Having thought about it this morning, none of my kind, generous, thoughtful friends have spotless homes. I think they’re too busy doing kind, generous, thoughtful things to worry about cleaning and tidying!

Lovely post, Chewbacca

My daughter was very untidy, as a child. Once she got married she completely changed. Her house is ‘minimalist’ and you never see so much as a magazine left on the coffee table.
I don’t have a lot of unnecessary ornaments or other unused things. My dishes are always washed immediately, and the house is kept clean. However, I have a lot of hobbies, so there tends to be music, knitting, craftwork, books etc dotted about, which my DD used to object to. She now accepts that it’s my house, my clutter!

I have 'clutter' in my kitchen,my daughter stayed 4 days once,when i was on holiday,she tidied everything away& it took me ages to find things again when i needed them

Kitchen is fine now (nearly)
Just don't look in the utility room.

Grandma70s "Untidy people tend to be nicer than very tidy people, less judgemental and uptight, more relaxed and warmer " I agree - after all it takes all sorts to make a world!