Immortal

I have to remember that one it's so good ?

I just hang up if I don't know them. Life is too short to waste on these people.

Excellent responses all round.
I will remember them for the next cold call.

Just as an aside: if you accidentally open the door to a cold caller, tell them you are just the house sitter. If they really push it, tell them the owners are away abroad, return unknown.
They very quickly lose interest and leave.

I'm very boring and usually let them say a couple of sentences and then politely tell them I am not interested say goodbye and put the phone down. I must try some of these conversations, it would brighten up the day.

However my OH is terrible for being drawn into long conversations and sometimes I'm hovering by him, listening in, as I'm always afraid he will succumb to their sales talk. It has happened with double glazing and a visit ensued Although I got rid of the salesman eventually it was months and months before they finally gave up on us, constantly phoning. Does anyone else have the same problem with their OH/DHs?

I had a cold caller so I pretended to be the 'cleaner' I went on a rant about how much work had been left for me to do, all the washing up, the ironing etc whilst the home owner had popped out for bread. I could hear the calling trying not to laugh and he said he would call back. I really enjoyed that one!

SueH49.
Same UK and cremations are becoming the norm and near where I live a large area of land where for many years was to be designated for future burials has been replaced with a housing estate.My late mother passed away unexpectedly but it was age that prevented her wish for medical science. I can't imagine AUS being an exception.

Love it. They are so annoying but I do feel sorry for them they are earning a crust as we all do.
I ask the car accident callers to tell me all about it which flummickes them then I ask if I've managed to waste as much of their time as they have mine. They've stopped calling.

I pretend to be either my sister (I don’t have one) or the new au pair who only knows one sentence in English “missis out, back later”. Keep repeating ......... they get fed up eventually.

Did hear about one person who kept a conservatory salesman going for ages. Got him to agree that they could put one anywhere and then told him he was living in a first floor flat. With regards to the car accident I have various responses from mild hysteria ( Oh no! did I hurt anyone?), agreeing (I have had a few recently - was it the Porsche or the Mercedes?) and most recent going along with it until she asked the date and I said ‘tomorrow’.
We eventually got the BT call blockerphones which have been superb - but have started getting the calls on our mobiles. It may be a job but these people must know what they are doing.

In my opinion flowers and wreaths sent to funerals are supposed to show the bereaved that you love/liked/ respected the person they are burying.

I agree funerals are outrageously expensive. I have left directions that mine is to be a inexpensive as possible, but with a full sung Requiem Mass.

I once signed up to a get rich quick site and decided not to go ahead. Despite this I get calls nearly every day telling me about some new scheme, and they can go on for hours. Now I just say I have just inherited a fortune from a relative and don't need to try to make money.

DH often pretends that they've phoned a Turkish Baths and that he doesn't speak English very well. He tries to book them in whilst they try to explain whatever it is they're selling. I've seen the conversations go on for ages as he misunderstands them confusing everything they say with the steam bath, dry room, massage etc.

Had one of those "Microsoft" callers this morning - at 7.30! I told him in very unladylike language what to do with himself. Call me before my second cup of coffee and risk the wrath!

That was amazing!

I don't speak Welsh but know many words from my Mum so just string them together, including LlanfairPG which I can say in full. Usually does the trick.

We used to get a lot of calls about cavity wall insulation.

Had various conversations about how could I be sure that the insulation I would be paying for would stay in my walls because it was a terrace and I wasn't paying for everyone else.

Other ones have been along the lines of "where does it go," and "wont't it fill all my rooms up?" Usually leading to the exasperated "madam do you have cavity walls?". "Well of course we do there are lots of big cavities: living room, kitchen, bedrooms...."

And no we actually don't!!!

Taking bookings for the Turkish baths! Priceless!

Brilliant ??

Priceless tactics! Love them. I had the 'you've had an accident' call previously.
Strung them along for a while pretending to agree with them, then said I'd have to check with my sergeant before proceeding with the claim, as I'd been driving an unmarked Police car at the time
(I hadn't, or had an accident). It was astonishing the speed at which the caller terminated the call!

As for being immortal, I too can claim this; I used to have a poster on the wall saying "I have been put on this earth to achieve a certain number of tasks. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die". So therefore I must be immortal, and without having to fear garlic!

Man from India asking me about gas and electricity. I told him I don’t have it. He said everybody has it, I told him I have hamsters running round in wheels.

When asked about an accident I may of had I said is it about the one where I lost my legs, ( there was a pause) I then said and my arms and my heads in a jar. He hung up lol

My sister once told someone who rang for me that I was dead. I was standing right beside her. Good job I'm not superstitious. I once pretended I was French. I also once asked a caller to please excuse me as my other phone was ringing. I left him hanging on for a few minutes, and the stubborn bugger was still there when I returned.

I had a call saying it was from Windows support. I told them I was so pleased to hear from them as the ones installed by Anglian were beginning to leak and I could do with some assistance. After a while of this, the caller managed to inform me that my Windows system, on my computer, was corrupt and needed fixing, urgently. I told him that, as I used an Apple computer, I was very concerned. He hung up.
When people call with the get rich schemes or wanting to sell me something, I tell them that I have just been made bankrupt. They don't stay on the line for long, then.

I had a cold call, can't remember what for but it went like this, me speaking in my 'old lady voice's

Call...Hello I understand you had an accident
Me. Hello are you my friend?
C. What?
M. Are you my friend?

I had a caller trying to sell me washing machine insurance. I said I didn't have one, I washed my clothes in the stream at the bottom of my garden! I also told someone, who phoned me, that I didn't have a phone and that I'd just heard this one ringing as I was passing someone's house and had got in and answered it. All good fun.