No DiLs - thank goodness!

I have a DIL - thank goodness!

I have a wonderful DiL. I cannot workout what DS did to deserve such a lovely girl and persuade her to marry him. In fact we get on with all her family and act as if we were one. I have never had to tread on eggshells or choose what I say to her. She is the best ever.

I had an equally good relationship with my MiL. Once again I could not have had anyone better than her. Again my parents liked DH's parents and got on really well with them.

I feel really sorry for those who do not get on with their DsiL and MsiL.

My MIL was the typical mother in law from hell - and according to my husband, she was also the mother from hell! She was a really selfish woman, very domineering, with a vile temper and at times quite cruel. I never had a row with her, I was always respectful to her, I never kept her from seeing the children, but God, did I detest her! Thankfully, I have a gorgeous DIL, love her to bits. She's so kind and easygoing, our son is a very lucky lad. We get on really well, no rules where the children are concerned, we can see them any time, and probably see more of them than DIL's parents do. Having said that, I will drop everything, if I can, to help them out, and they know I will always help if possible. I am quite an easygoing person myself, very accommodating, hate confrontation and I wouldn't dream of interferring in their lives. After reading some of the comments on here (and especially Mumsnet) I realise I am very lucky, the attitude of some new parents (and new grandparents) is truly awful. It's not rocket science, if both sides are respectful, thoughtful and can each put theirselves in the others' shoes, hopefully, all should be well. I do know, however, that there are always exceptions, and I feel for those who just can't get along, it must be terrible.

I count my blessings. I have two lovely Daughters-in-law and a very special Mother-in-law.....
MIL needs a bit of support now and I am more than happy to provide her with whatever she needs

What a lovely post nannak54 and also the op nannagrampy. Its so nice to read of people just making it work.
No preening or gushing, just working through life giving and taking. I take my hat of to all of you who have made a success of your family relationships long may it last
I've not been so successful (I dont use the word lucky because it negates all the work some people put into their relationships)
But I dont begrudge those that are.

Nice posts considering what day this is (valentines day... day for love of all sorts I think)
♥️ to all of us!

When I read the title of this thread, I thought to myself "here we go again...." but I was mistaken. How lovely to read such sensible posts on the MIL. /DIL theme for once. There have been many very strange threads recently on the subject with almost surreal content.
NotSpaghetti your sentence. I think people are just people is very apt. It's ridiculous to generalise.
As my DDs and DIL become more experienced as parents I have tended to respect their autonomy and only ever give advice or opinion if specifically asked. It helps that they are all doing a brilliant job anyway.

"when they are with you, it’s your rules and we are happy that you will always do what’s best for them’."

That is exactly how it should be if parents are happy to leave their child with someone else! However, doesnt always work like that, sadly.

Agreed madgran

I have two daughters of my own as well as two dils and all four get on so well. My youngest dd barely remembers a time when her sisters-in-law weren’t a part of our family as she was only 4 & 5yo when each came into our lives.

I got on very well with my MIL but according to Mumsnet most are selfish, domineering, can’t wait to take over their grandchildren and constantly buy them unsuitable gifts.
I have only sons in law and the relationship seems much easier for all of us. As I have 4 daughters I really didn’t need more girls around but boys were a welcome addition.

I have realised that I may buy unsuitable gifts!! But I am learning. Vouchers in future.

Its because its always the young mothers' fault..
Mothers of daughters who have clashed over grandparent/parenting style say they have a DD issue not a SIL issue.
If its their son objecting its always assumed a DIL is driving it.

There are DD issue threads. Just not so many SIL threads or DS issue threads..

Just an unscientific observation

I got on very well with my MIL but according to Mumsnet most are selfish, domineering, can’t wait to take over their grandchildren and constantly buy them unsuitable gifts.
Well youre not going to post an AIBU about someone you have no problems with are you?
And there are as many DParent issue threads as IL threads on MN..

You don't hear much from those of us who get along just fine. I have two SILs and two DILs. I'm easygoing, sensible and undemanding.

I sometimes have the grandchildren to stay, they all visit fairly regularly and we all have fun.

I understand that all parents have their own rules and preferences. I take a (comfy) back seat and let them get on with it, always trying not to criticise.

I'm just very grateful that my adult children have partners willing to put up with them - and delightful children too!

Quite honestly I believe that a lot of sons/husbands and daughters/wives cause IL issues:

Complain to mum&dad about wife/husband
Complain to wife/husband about mum&dad
Both parties love them and become defensive on their behalf, meaning that IL relations are always strained

You hear a lot on here from mothers who continually soak up complaining from their adult sons about their wives.

I think one should be warey of this. The "offloading" type often cuts both ways and they turn around and offload to wife about you..

Rather than soak it all up and then wonder why son then "goes along" with what their awful wives apparently want.. I think there should be a limit on bitching (which is what it becomes if its regular and they dont appear to want to do anything about it) and phrases like "should you be talking to them rather than me about this" come in useful

You get some husbands who will let their wives take the fall when they want to confront their own parents. (Some DDs do this too)

Bitch to wife about how annoying it is when DPs do XYZ. Wife agrees and suggests speaking to DPs.
Husband rings his DPs and says "can you not do XYZ anymore, my wife doesnt like it!"

Pinches of salt...

A lot of adults regress a little when theyre around/talking to their own DPs

"Its not me it was DW!" to retain DPs approval etc..

I know proper grown ups who are sensible in everyday life but "play up" to their DPs..

My exes whole personality changed around his parents.
I was quite astounded when I saw it.

I stiĺl miss my lovely MIL .And FiL too
She was helpful without being interferring.And I married her only son.I like to think she was fond of me too.In many ways my relationship with her was more straightforward than with my own mum.

washerwoman I echo your every word.

My DiL is the best in the world, as was my MiL. My ex-SiL was a nightmare!

I have a DIL to be.
I am very aware of the fact that she is incredibly close to her parents and is a very caring daughter.
I’m hoping we have a good relationship, it’s early days but so far so good, I really like her.
I am however aware that if they have children it will be her mother she turns to and I understand this will be the case.
I’m happy to take a back seat.

I have 2 DILs and 2 SILs, and get on fine with all of them, am very fond of them all. One DIL is a bit of an oddity, but we take her with a pinch of salt, there`s never been any trouble. I also adored my in-laws, missed them terribly when they died.