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No DiLs - thank goodness!

(137 Posts)
NanaandGrampy Fri 14-Feb-20 10:28:28

The more threads I read over the years of the issues between MiLs and DiLs the more grateful I am that I don’t have any !

I am sure there are millions of MiL/DiLs who get on very well and of course, we only hear of those relationships not going well . But listening to the ‘rules’ regarding grandchildren especially I am stunned sometimes.

I have daughters and SIL , I can honestly say whilst like all families we have our moments we have never fallen out over what we as grandparents can do , say or be . IF we ever disagreed I hope we would sit down and discuss it like adults.

My relationship with my SIL can be summed up by what one said to me ‘ when they are with you, it’s your rules and we are happy that you will always do what’s best for them’.

Are there any other grandparents who feel this way or am I standing alone ?

mumofmadboys Fri 14-Feb-20 23:16:29

I have a lovely common law DIL. I hope my son and her will get married but I'm not sure of their plans. She is lovely- bright, kind, sensible, polite , helpful and appreciative and brings out the best in my son. I do hope they get married!!

Nannylovesshopping Fri 14-Feb-20 23:23:13

I have a lovely daughter-in-law and a equally lovely
son-in-law, am very happy with them, think they quite
like me too?

Chardy Fri 14-Feb-20 23:26:53

My DiL, or should I call her my DDiL, is divine. Love her to bits.

We get on great; and (immodestly) I'm confident she'd say we get on great too.

CrazyGrandma2 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:21:32

Totally agree with gillybob post.

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:23:23

Yes mines the same Gillybob,my DiL calls me mam,like my son,and gets on better with me than her own mum,shes always been like one of my own daughters,and knows id always do whatever it takes for their children.whenever im needed.smile

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:32:51

My DD's MiL is treated only 'civilly' by her own son although my DD does try be ok with her,but shes not same with their kids as i am and theyd much rather visit me.they used to ask which grandma they were visiting/ or staying with and cried when they find out it not me!(they only stayed once with other gran in 21yrs& youngest,now 6 has never stayed with her)hmm

H1954 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:35:38

I don't have any DIL 'S either. But I do have Niece- in- laws
(if there is such a title) and quite a lot of them too. They are all lovely, kind and genteel young ladies.........except for one who is the rudest, self-centred, laziest and most manipulative trouble making b***h I have ever come across.

jocork Sat 15-Feb-20 10:47:06

I have a lovely DiL and I learnt how not to be a MiL from my own. Hopefully my DiL appreciates it!

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:47:21

And i agree,what a lovely thing for OP's SiL to say,really nice,as men often dont think to mention things like that,even if they think/feel it.

Greyduster Sat 15-Feb-20 10:47:37

I never really got on with my own MiL after I was told she had someone else in mind for her son and he messed it all up by marrying me! I was an ‘outsider’ and she never quite got over it. When my son married, my DiL came with a lot of emotional baggage, made it clear that she “didn’t do families” and kept me at arms length for a long time. By the time she had stopped seeing me as some kind of threat and I felt that we were just about making some progress with our relationship, she was diagnosed with and eventually died from an aggressive cancer. My new DiL and I seem to rub along pretty well. We are very different people and I think I am a million miles away from what she ever thought her mother in law would be like (she is very feminine and I am, well, a weird scruffy old bag basically) but we can always find some common ground and have a laugh. Not living close to each other probably helps too!

Moggycuddler Sat 15-Feb-20 10:50:31

I have no DILs but I have BEEN a DIL and never got on with my MIL at all! The first time she ever met me all those many moons ago, she told my DH that she couldn't imagine what he saw in me. (Well, we are still together 40 years later!)

Aepgirl Sat 15-Feb-20 10:50:34

Well said, NanaandGrampy. Isn’t it sad that we only hear the negatives?
Let’s all give a cheer for our wonderful DILs, MILs,, SILs, and any others who make up our varied and different families.

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 10:59:32

One of my other sons is living with a partner( i hate that term) and though i get on ok with her its not the same loving relationship i have with my eldest sons wife..shes got something about her,not as 'nice' for want of a better word- but shes always been ok with me,( but i dont see them often i live over 70 miles away) but none of my DS's siblings like her,and they darent tell him! (they each say its 'odd' things shes said,or the way shes acted towards them or my son) but ive never witnessed this,but if i do and its hurtful,i shall say so,but so far ive taken her at 'face value'.( i dont feel shes 'right one' for him though,hes a real laid back,caring kind of lad.well,we shall have to wait and see.hmm

monkeebeat Sat 15-Feb-20 11:00:48

Never had a sister. Loved the fact I ‘got one’ when my brother married......she didn’t...

NannyG123 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:02:37

I've got 2 SILs and 1 ex DIL. I get on well with bothSILs, And used to get on well with my ,DIL.But as we don't live close don't see her anymore. Although we do a grandson from her and my son's marriage. And we also still send her birthday and Christmas presents to her, we wish her well and everyone moves on.

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:05:01

Shes his first 'proper' adult relationship,and i think hes been 'railroaded' into living together.he'd never stood on his own two feet before,as he'd lived with family members.so time will tell if they survive or not.if not ill be there to support my lovely kind-hearted son.hmmsmile

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:06:27

He'd never-typo

Kartush Sat 15-Feb-20 11:13:15

From the bottom of my heart I wish I had a better relationship with my daughter in law. When they were first married I thought she liked me but over the years she has held me responsible for things beyond my control and no longer communicates with me. I do love her and I am sad that I can see no way to fix the problem

Nannan2 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:14:11

I get on with my own ex- MiL better now than i did when my ex and i were married.she doesnt treat me like a 'threat' any more(which i wasnt!) And shes ok with me because i still take their only grandson to see them a few times a yr.( hes nearly 17& doesnt like to go& we live over 70 miles away)i dont know what'l happen when hes 18& its up to himhmm

Macgran43 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:20:58

I got on OK with son’s partner until their relationship got into difficulties. Then it was blood is thicker than water.No grandchildren there.I got on well with my daughter’s first husband. They split when their twin daughters were just 2. She remarried and I had a few fall outs with new SIL as he did not treat his step daughters very well especially when they had a new son. I could not stand back and watch what was happening and spoke out.His own parents also fell out with him. Grandchildren now all grown and things settled down but the step family is difficult at times.

harrysgran Sat 15-Feb-20 11:23:12

I have a lovely DIL we are alike in many ways more so in some than my own DD she gets along with all the family my own MIL was a nasty piece of work thank goodness I divorced her son so longer have to put up with her and hopefully I've learned from her mistakes

Jools761 Sat 15-Feb-20 11:26:39

My (thankfully!) ex-DIL was a very strange character. We tried for several years to welcome her in to the family and although this seemed to work in the early stages of her relationship with my son, it seemed that as soon as the engagement ring was on her finger she changed and then tried, and to a certain extent, succeeded, in isolating our son from the rest of his family. It got significantly worse once our first grandson was born and meant that, although they only lived 25 minutes from us, we could go months without seeing them. When we did, it was literally like walking on eggshells - a very unhappy atmosphere. Other family members witnessed it and were also baffled. To the best of our knowledge, we had never done anything to warrant this behaviour and, if I'm honest, it was a huge relief when the marriage ended - my son has changed back to the person he always was and now we see our grandsons regularly. I would never want to re-live those years again if I'm honest!

Saggi Sat 15-Feb-20 11:27:16

That is my daughter and SIL’s take on childcare. When they’re with me...it’s my rules. But they both know I would never do anything to put them in danger ...or home them morally ! It’s the only way to be.

Saggi Sat 15-Feb-20 11:27:58

...that’s ‘harm them morally’

EthelJ Sat 15-Feb-20 11:30:00

I don't have a daughter in law, agree it can be a difficult relationship. My Mil once complained that I didn't iron my husbands clothes, plan his meals properly or clean the house enough! I found her difficult but mainly I just grinned and bore it. Probably young people are less happy to do this today and I can't say I blame them!
If I ever have a DiL I hope I will be understanding and not interfering but no one really knows how they will be until the time comes.