No DiLs - thank goodness!

Absolutely agree with you.
My son in law is a second son to me.
I thought when I married in 1968 that I was in luck - my mother in law lived in Africa - however she returned to GB and decided that her son would provide for her. I made it clear that he would not.
She and I never got on and never would, she tried many times to play us off against each other but it never worked. She was a horrid Grandmother and my children had her measure. Needless to say she had very few friends anywhere.

Absolutely right NanaandGrampy..!! I’m fortunate to have a wonderful SIL (and daughter, of course!) who trust me completely with my beautiful grandson and soon to be born granddaughter.
I am one loved Nana ....❤️

I get on with my daughter in laws. I've made a point of making an effort with all the girls my sons have brought home. One of them calls me mum 2 which I think is lovely. If you don't get on with you dil you risk losing your son because if you've brought him up well he will put his wife first.

Nanaandgrampy says has read over the years of the issues between MiLs and DiLs and is grateful that she doesn’t have any. Well I am so grateful that I do have a wonderful DDiL and was grateful to have a wonderful MiL. Unfortunately, having a good relationship with you DiL isn't written about on here very often.

I was very lucky to have an amazing MIL, very much like my own Mum. Lost her 8 years ago and still miss her, made me feel like one of the family from day one.

I have two DiLs and they couldnt be more different. Like chalk and cheese. One was a younger friend of mine before she even met my son so I have known her longer than him. She is a bit older than him but they make a great couple. She is the type to get stuck in with a cement mixer and help with building work. There have been a few times when I have had to tread warily but I love her and we are the best of friends. The other one is totally different and before they were married if she was staying with us we had to give her two hours notice in order for her to put her face on. The difference of before and after was astounding. She is many years younger than my son and quite demanding. But she is my son's choice and so I have respect although she has been very nasty to me. She is foreign and yet her own mother is lovely and we get on very well when we see each other which isnt very often. She sent me such a nasty letter, the type you would be advised to write to get it off your chest then burn. And all because my birthday parcel did not arrive for my grandson. They never said thank for cards and presents sent so I wasnt expecting a thank you. Then this letter arrived which hurt a lot because all of it was so untrue. We rarely meet as we live abroad and I am always polite when I do speak to her. The rest of the family find her odd too. I get on well with my two SiLs too. One is more special to me (maybe because I have known him a lot longer) and I am so happy that he and my DD are coming to visit this coming week.

I get on far better with my MIL than I do my own mother!
I am the one she confides in, especially since FIL died a few years ago.
I have one DDIL who I get on well with. We had some issues initially, but now we speak daily and I treat her children as I would my own GCC. They call me nanny which is lovely ?. She is due any day now (not my sons) but I will treat this baby as I do the others - and I can’t wait!!! ?

I got on better with my MIL than with my own mum. Sadly, I nursed her through cancer while expecting her first GC.She died Shortly before he was born, which I have always regretted.
I have two lovely DILs, one SIL and one ex-SIL, who all live in Australia. I visit as often as possible, and am always made very welcome. I also have a good relationship with the ex, and my daughter is happy about it.
There have never been any problems about GC. I always try my beet to get along with everyone, and not interfere. It seems to work well, in my case.
I count my blessings, and feel so sorry for those Gransnetters who have such tough times with family relationships.

I have a SiL and a DiL.
The DiL is adamantly saying she will never have children and my DS supports that. I think my SiL likes me, he laughs at my jokes and that’s good enough for me. My DD gets on ok with her MiL, she doesn’t like her much but I bought her up to be respectful of everyone and if her MiL raised the man she loves she can’t be that bad at childcare can she!!

Megs 36 seems to have cracked it. I got on fine with my MiL until we announced we were getting married and then things just got from bad to worse. She refused to have anything to do with the wedding plans (even talk about them!) until a week before the wedding then blamed everything on me. Needless to say things went from bad to worse and caused a lifetime of heartache for her son. We constantly tried our best but nothing worked so we gave up in the end and let her have the relationship with us she chose to have with us. Sadly she and more importantly my Fil (who was lovely) missed out on so much. She ruled the roost and everyone was too scared to go against her.

Gender has a lot of double standards.

You are born a woman and you take over the role of social secretary, are supposed to get along and be friends with mil.

Son in laws get married and continue their lives with very minor changes regarding the ILs, if any.

The communication is rerouted from son-mil to dil-mil.
A dil is supposed to say thank you foe a present from mil when mil's sin already thanked his mother.
A sil will very rarely see himself in that situation. A thank you from the daughter to her parents is enough.

Sil is not obligated to talk to fil on behalf of his daughter ( the wife of sil). There is no change from dd- fil to sil-fil

Sil is mostly left alone with his life- he works, follows his hobbies, continues same interactions with his family of origin, etc.

A dil is expected to take over roles and have a close a relationship with her ils that takes years to develop. Sil can maintain his distance without offending anybody.

That's the core of the problem.

Sil is not expected to be friends with his fil, I forgot
They are supposed to be civil and friendly.
Another double standard

Hithere - what century are you in?
I don’t recognise any of what you describe. Not for myself and certainly not for any of my adult children.

Well Hithere my husband's case must be the exception to the rule then - he loved my Mum more than his own and saw more of her than his. He regularly gave her lifts (she didn't drive) and interacted with her in a lovely way (he used to torment her and have 'her on' something terrible and she loved it!). She absolutely loved him to bits. When she was ill he would drop in to see her on his way home from work. When she was dying, he was my rock and helped me no end to look after her. So, in his case, his life did change and he did get involved with his inlaws.

my two daughters have mils who make no effort to come see their grandkids but are all over their own daughters kids pees me off especially as ive always told them to never let the mil feel pushed out . works both ways

Hithere - what century are you in?

Oh come on! This one! There are DILs up and down the land left with the care duties on both sides. SILs going part time to care for his ILs is staggeringly rare.

Sisters in laws are pitched at enimies if they dont instantly become BFFs. Brothers in law get away with remaining aquaintances.

There definitely ARE double standards. Male inlaws can sit happily on the side lines. Female ones are seen as cold and offish if they do that..

I loved my MIL and she loved me. She had 4 sons and always said I was worth more than the four of them put together. I really miss her now she is gone.

I have noticed, as has DD, that when DH and SIL get together, which is not often, it always seems an opportunity for some male bonding.
DH loved my mother too and was very good to her.

The century I live in now.

Go and read some threads here.

There is one where a recent postpartum mother did not thank mil for the presents - but her son did- and dil was condemned dil for being rude.

How many MIL complain that dil does not reply to her messages and call but dil has her dh reply?

I love my DIL dearly . She really is like a 4th daughter and she is a wonderful wife , mummy , sister in law , auntie and friend . I am so lucky she is in our lives .
I'm sad for those who arent so lucky . I do understand. My own MIL was difficult. Blamed me for taking her precious son " away " to another city , when , in fact we went with his job, not mine , and could never get away .
You win some , you lose some xxx

Hithere oh yes the wonderful DIL that can’t even spare 15 minutes for her very gracious (by the sounds of it) MIL to see her new born GS! Talk about twisting things. We’ve all read some of the nasty comments on that thread. Pretty disgusting tbh.

I've had two father in laws who I didn't really get on with, the first one was French and spent all his time running down English food, I felt compelled to disavow him of his out dated views, he lived in England for a year or two in the 1950s when the food, I imagine was pretty awful, he would say "the English boil all their food, everything even the meat" but when I met him, even though it was back in the '70s England had moved on from boiled cabbage and Brown Windsor Soup. Conversely my 2nd late father-in-law was the polar opposite, hated anything foreign particularly the French and I then spent any time with him defending everything French, as I have some French family as well as a French ex. Of course he'd never been anywhere remotely foreign, so he hadn't a clue, just a complete xenophobe. Thankfully my dear husband never shared his point of view. His idea of travel was to the far reaches of Scotland and Ireland both of which are pretty similar to here. God those men both got on my nerves...............but mother-in-laws, I was fine with.

One son's girlfriend of five years is lovely, other son's girlfriend, well it's early days. After some ups and downs I have a reasonable relationship with his ex, the mother of our grandchildren which is important to me, she told me recently, she is always happy for the children to come to us, so I can't ask for more than that really.

I have sons and daughters in law. One of the DILs came with a lot of issues regarding self esteem. Her Parents had a terribly acrimonious divorce and some of her siblings went with their Mother, some with the Father. My DiL went with her father. Not seen her Mother for years.
She is actually a lovely girl, kind, very intelligent and thoughtful, but not to me.
We are a two parent loving family and I just don’t think she can cope with us having a place in our sons life. She is jealous and insecure.
It’s very sad. Nevertheless I just keep contact to a minimum, as I know she wants my son to choose between us and her. He won’t ever allow her to go non contact. We meet and are polite but I feel very sorry for her.
It just illustrates the importance of having parents who don’t screw you up. Well not too much any way.lol
All the rest of the in laws are great.

People only post here if they have a problem, just like Mumsnet. When asked a huge number of people on Mumsnet love their MILs. I did and, even though I separated from her son, she was always a great support for me and my daughter.

Glad to see nice messages on in-laws for a change on here so many have dreadful problems.