No DiLs - thank goodness!

I have 2 x DIL’s and absolutely adore them both, so proud of my sons for having such good taste ! Both these lovely ladies and I spend hours chatting, have days out etc and both tell me they love me, so I am very lucky. I had 2 x MIL’s and once again I was very close to both .... however both FIL’s were extremely selfish men and I had very little time for them. My SIL is lovely too, his Dad is 80 this week so we’re all having a lovely family party today here at home.

I feel very fortunate, compared to some MiLs. I have two DiLs, they are great friends and are the loveliest young women.

They have definitely made responsible, caring husbands and fathers out of our sons.

Loved my mother in law and she said i was the daughter she never had.She died in January and i miss her

I have a lovely DiL. Whenever she comes always brings home baking or other goodies. Never asks for anything but does a lot for others dont think I could have a better one.

Yes, the MIL-DIL relationship has always been a difficult one for some.

My mother felt her MIL disapproved of her and from remarks made to me from my Grannie, I think she did actually disapprove of my mother.

All those MIL jokes make it quite clear that a lot of men didn't get on with their MIL either.

It’s very helpful to hear all DIL stories. For those of us who are working hard to create a good relationship with DIL’s and are being challenged to the max, I have found it ultimately, to be a good experience. I have found out a lot about myself and I am learning to step back, listen and to not make any suggestions that may be misconstrued as criticism. I’ll support with whatever means available and love them all to bits. To everyone with great DIL relationships enjoy and be very grateful.

I think this is a sad thread OP.
From reading your posts elsewhere I could not imagine you being less than a wonderful MIL whether to a DIL or SIL.
Is it really DILs who cause the trouble? We were/are all DILs ourselves and while I am sure there are many sad stories, I do wonder about the impartiality of some complainants.
I think I am very lucky to have three wonderful SILs but I am also aware that my role in the relationship has to be maintained with tact, patience (sometimes!) good humour and generosity of spirit.
Oh and keeping my mouth tightly shut when necessary!
I am aware that I am a guest in their hones, and that being Mum or Granny gives me no right whatsoever to dictate or interfere!
Sadly DILs and MILs are too often demonised in the media and -to my horror- on the likes of GN and the other place. If I did not read some of the threads here, I would have no idea of the things that seem to go on, such as NC, NPD etc.
It gives the impression that is the norm, but I honestly have never encountered it in RL.
As many have said, we do not post (or read) when relationships tick along just fine.
Let’s hear it for the in-laws who are not outlawed ?????

My goodness, I am SO grateful for my DiL! My son had a really difficult time with dating, to see him meet and marry someone who had the same aims in life has been a delight, and of course she is the mother of my grandchildren, who I am very thankful for. (I have no daughters of my own.)

If anything, it is my son who tells me what to do with the children, not my DiL. He talks as if I've never dealt with a child before. Occasionally I have to remind him that I got him and his brother to adulthood without major injuries, as his instructions tend to be of the 'Don't let X put things in her mouth!' variety. They live near DiL's parents and they have the children a lot, I think they are also given very strict instructions which I am guessing are sometimes ignored .

Both DILs are alike with similar backgrounds. I was widowed very young and had to work full time until retirement. I lived in London and they miles away. They have always resented my lifestyle as I have needed to be independent and have only been available for childcare in times of crisis. They are cold towards me and show their dislike by indifference. I have good friends but their behaviour makes me feel very sad.

I've always got on with my MIL but she's never lived close enough to help out (our chouce) but I've always boggled by people laying down rules. I'd have been grateful of any help with the children tbh!

As I have daughters, I suppose I didn't really anticipate daughters-in-law but I do have one and she's a delight. Feel very lucky really; my son-in-law is also lovely.

I have two DIL’s and one DD. I love all of them. DIL,s are really lovely and I get on well with my DD. I am closer to my DD ‘S children as I don’t have to watch what I say and do. Have always treated them as I would my own. With DD’s children I never interfere and always back the parents, I love them just the same but there is a difference.

It always amazes me that there are such problems between in-laws. I absolutely love my daughters-in-law. All it needs is a bit of give and take, surely.

I have a DS and a DD and 2 DILS and although I no longer look after any of my 5 GCs regularly, in my house and outside the house, if in my sole charge, it's my rules but in their own home it's their parents rules. This is accepted by all and works well.

I have 2 DiL, one I get on very well with, has always welcomed me since GS was born and has never laid down rules when I am staying and looking after GS. We live a distance away so visits are usually fir a week or longer if DS and DiL are going on holiday. My other DiL does, though not to extreme, expect me to apply all the rules she has at home. TV very restricted about 30 mins or one programme a day, food is a nightmare following paleo diet, no sugar other than in fruit, no bread, sure you can guess all the rest. My GD hates it and will gorge on anything she knows isn't allowed, plus it can be a bit expensive. I do try but find it difficult. My DS appreciates not everyone lives as they do and accept GD will be eating different foods when with me. DiL not quite so understanding but I just put up with her grumps. Sure as GD grows older she will exert her own will regarding food being headstrong like her DM!

I had the MIL from hell, such a controlling over bearing witch but I then divorced and remarried and had the best in-laws going and so many wonderful times were had and they both treated me as their daughter to a point my sister in-law was very jealous of our relationship. Oh how I miss them so much.
I only have SILs but love them to pieces. None of our children live locally so we usually only see our grandies when time allows us but I do like to take the children for holidays and will quite often have 9 children at a time. The grandies always remind their parents, Nan’s house Nan’s rules.
We are great grandparents now and the little ones have also cottoned on to this saying. Yes, I spoil my grandchildren but I know we are in a position where we can, and it is always fun planning the next adventure when visiting

‘nannarose’, ‘daughters of my heart’, that’s a lovely name for daughters-in - law. I have only one, and I love her very much, I don’t expect to be the same as her own Mum. I’ve never criticised nor would I have felt I had to. My DD had the most lovely mum-in-law anyone could wish for, she loved her to bits and we all did as well. I am also grateful for my sons-in-law. I love them too. Between them all they have given us a bunch of happy, kind and loving grandchildren.

I have 3 DIL. I get on really well with two of them, the third is a control freak and over protects her kids, now teenagers. I have come to accept that we have to abide by her rules.
Still, two out of three ain't bad.

I think Maw when I wrote my post I had just read a thread where yet another Mil/DiL were at loggerheads over things that were, to my mind so trivial that I just thought thank goodness I don't have any of that to deal with!! I have a close relationship with my daughters but make no mistake I am not their best friend , I am their mum. Its my job to tell them the things that friends wont say. They may not always like what I have to say but they know I love them endlessly and I do it from the best intentions. Its down to them whether they listen or not.

I hope I'm a good MiL because I know and experienced what a bad MiL looks like so I try very hard not to do all/any of the things that I experienced.

I'm so heartened by the many posts here where people do have great relationships with their MiL or DiL . I'm another that loves your phrase Nanarose - daughters of my heart !!

Not all DILs are awful.
My MIL is 83 and I think the world of her.
She has helped me and my family so much over the years and likewise we help her, especially in her twilight years. I take her shopping, do errands and make meals for her. I also work full time nhs so I manage to help as much as possible.
It’s a shame you feel this way as not all families are the same.

I have a DIL and it was not a good situation. I have three GC and have not seen them or my son for more than three years which breaks my heart. I used to babysit and take care of the GC a lot and things were o.k. For awhile but as time went on things deteriorated. My DIL would not talk to me, if she wanted me to do something she would text my son and then he would text me. No thank you’s or hellos and when I was leaving after being there a couple of days helping out she would disappear into her bedroom so she wouldn’t have to say goodbye. I had a list of rules and chores that I would have to do on the cupboard door. When my son was home he would have a list of things to take care of so I didn’t have much time to talk or visit with him. I guess my mistake was I couldn’t keep a “neutral” mouth anymore and told them both how I felt. The answer I received from my DIL was she doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. She also said my son would say thank you so that should be good for the whole family. I could go on and on but it just gets me upset even after three years. My heart is broken.

I think Maw when I wrote my post I had just read a thread where yet another Mil/DiL were at loggerheads over things that were, to my mind so trivial that I just thought thank goodness I don't have any of that to deal with!!

Fair point Nanaandgrampy but I would put my OAP on the fact that you do not have any of that to deal with , with your SIL or indeed DD (s?) because you are a cheerful, tolerant, unselfish and sensible person with a sense of proportion and shedfuls of tact and discretion.
So even if you had DILs, I cannot imagine the situation would arise

I love my mother in law DH and i both second marriage

Nana08 I didn't go into all the detail I could have about our DIL experience but your post reminded me so much of our prevous experience and I feel for you, I really do.

MawB - I like to think of myself as cheerful, tolerant and unselfish too but still the situation arose. I'm glad you (as do I) enjoy a good relationship with your SILs, but please understand that sometimes no amount of tact, cheerfulness etc etc will work with some people!

Conversely, I don't get on with my sil, my daughters partner. So it's not always the DIL issue.