Will you leave a letter?

My mother is 96 years old and in a Health Care facility in California. I live in Seattle, Washington with my DH. I call her every day and we talk for about an hour. We always tell each other that love each other at the end of the phone call. My husband and I also fly down for a one week visit about every 6-8 weeks. I visit her daily from about 11:30 AM to 5:30 PM. We talk about everything from worldwide, state, and local news to our political opinions. I also regularly tell our grandchildren and other relatives how much we love them.

I have done a letter for my DD to open if me and her DF were to die. It starts off by saying “I have probably been dead for 48hrs now if you are going through my stuff?
It tells her all my bank passwords, premium bond info etc and where to find the wills.
It doesn’t say anything profound, I am not that sort. A very practical family!!

Something I have thought about for years but have never got around to writing, apart from in my head!
Must seriously consider soon, tempus fugit and I am rapidly approaching 80!

In a word no!

Yes, I will be doing that when the time comes and hopefully I will be able to, I tell my AC how much I love them anyway and my DH

I've written mine already as I would have loved one from my mum and dad.
I tell my AC all the time how much I love them and how proud of them I am, so the letters are just for comfort really.
Everything regarding my death is taken care of and paid for, which I'm sure will be appreciated by them.

I think it depends on the circumstances. I shall shortly be having surgery, and on the off chance that something goes wrong and I don't come home again, I have written a letter to DH with mainly practical instructions about banking (my province) etc and a few private remarks.

Another letter to DD, as I know she will break her heart and I would prefer her not to. (To put it mildly!)

My maternal grandmother wrote a diary for my aunt and mother explaining precisely why she had not wanted further treatment for her cancer. It helped them greatly.

Carrie Ann,

Yes something similar happened to me. My dad died many years ago. When my mother died, I began to investigate my family in case there were any long lost cousins about. I discovered 2 half siblings....older than me from a previous relationship. We all look alike and get on so well. It had all been kept a dark secret all these years. Neither of my parents left any hint or explanation. I felt that I didn’t really know them at all. I intend to leave letters to my children and my husband....if lovingly expressed they may be a comfort.

Having read all the posts I understand saying how you feel now but having lost my father at 21 I would have liked a letter from him something to look at now and then just to feel a physical link with him to hold a handwritten note would mean the world to me

I had never thought of that, but yes, i think it's a good idea and I will probably do it now.

I write a joint letter to my three grandsons every January, just telling them of the events of the previous year, I also enclose a photo of my husband and I, my grandsons are quite young and I hope by doing this we will be remembered, I have also written letters to my sons.

My grandmother wrote separate letters to her 3 children and one to all of her grandchildren together telling us how much we and our children meant to her, as the eldest I am honoured to have the original but my siblings and cousins all have a copy which we still treasure greatly more than 30 years on.

I think it’s a comforting thing to do for the people left behind. Nothing fancy or too gushing - the comment in an earlier post about being a mother and grandmother being my greatest joy seems to say it all!

When my mum died (very suddenly and unexpectedly) I was half a world away. I lived with the shock and disbelief for several months afterwards and as I sorted out all her life’s belongings after the funeral kept telling myself that I would find a letter or note from her - written just for me - it would have been been so comforting and help with bringing closure.

Because of these memories I plan to write a simple personal note to my children and grandchildren and tuck them away with my will.

Twice in one day!Wish my mum had left a letter for me,since she died,in fact in the last three weeks,I have discovered that I have a sister living in New Zealand, something I had no idea about.What a shock,I thought I was an only one for all of my seventy four years,has anything like this happened to anyone else?

Yes I will leave letters for my 4AC, in fact I have written for them each time I have had surgery, just in case something went wrong. So each time I recover I have to write a fresh one. I was thinking about re-doing them this week as the corona virus is getting closer and I'm in one of the worrying categories.
It's not that I don't tell them how proud I am of them, all the time, and we are a very huggy, loving family, but I want them to have something they can look at for years after I'm gone. My Mum gave me a big envelope a month before she died with instructions not to open it until she'd gone. There were treasured birthday cards from me in it and little notes telling me how she loved me and how proud of me and my 4AC she was. I treasure it.

We are in the process right now and sorting out what information might be needed and where DD and DS can find it.

I have written my life story which was quite an ordeal as it wasn’t a happy childhood. It is to be read after I am gone as I don’t want to have to answer questions.

My mother left me a letter, I only read a few lines as it appeared to be an apology for the kind of mother she had been. I couldn’t read it and gave it to my DD to look after and maybe read some day but she has lost it. It’s a shame as it might have helped her to understand who I am.

When updating our wills recently I wanted a sum of money to be left to sons and DILs and grandchildren. We went back to the solicitor because the initial Will was so formal - now everyone is mentioned by name and the gift.
As somebody who was disinherited - this action broke me in so many ways. So far this is the first step in leaving loving kindness behind. I think that was the easy bit - I now need to write an individual note too. This post is a good reminder to get on with it!! ??

It seems to depend on the circumstances surrounding our family history as to what we hope to hear ‘from the grave’. My parents both died within months of each other and I was foolishly searching for those final words that told me that they loved me. When I found an envelope ‘to be opened after our death’ it was not really what I hoped for. It was simply saying the property and chattels to be split equally between my brother and I and any jewellery to me. Sadly my brother had died some 25 years before so it was clearly and old ‘letter’ and still no endearing words left for me - he was the favourite! I’d give my inheritance back to have one more day with each of them to ask all the questions left unanswered.
If you leave letters, be positive, be nice, be kind but most importantly be loving.

CarlyD7 grannytotwins ...

Sirchenjin ... thank goodness your father didn't throw them away!!
Such a bitter sweet find.

What a lovely idea - not one I’d thought of but will definitely do so now. I keep meaning to put something together for the Grandchildren too ....Yes, I probably do need to write out details of what is where, and remember to update it when things change. I’m hoping to start up a ‘Death Cafe’ locally soon so it will be interesting to hear what others think and have put in place. The only two things I’m clear about are that I want to be cremated and for Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful world” to be played at whatever ritual or gathering takes place after my death. The rest of the arrangements I’m going to leave up to the children so that they can mark the occasion however they wish.

no letters from me.. say it now.... anyway, I shall only be in the room next door,,,,, with them in spirit.

I think it's a wonderful idea.I want to leave a letter or note for all family members.I want it to include a personal memory and to say thank you for having been such a wonderful part of my life.I guess I should do it sooner rather than later as none of us know when our time will come.

A friend of my eldest son lost his Mum relatively early. She had left him a letter after she had sadly lost her cancer battle. He told me how much it meant to him and he will keep it forever, so that made me do the same for my 3 and am also doing letters for my 5 GC.

My Mum left a "letter" in the family deed box. In fact it wasnt actually a letter, just a list of what she didnt want at her funeral.
No Dear Family.....love.Mum; basically like a shopping list!!