Have you a friend you secretly hate,

Like Terribull- if I had a 'friend' I didn't like I would not see them. Easy!
It is more difficult when they are a relative!!

oopsadaisy, back on page one... I`ll be your friend!

I don`t hate anyone, I love everyone, don`t always LIKE what some people do.... but hate is a very strong word...

NO WAY do I have a friend that I secretly 'hate'. IF I hated somebody that much, I wouldn't have them as a friend.

I have a couple of 'acquaintances' that I might not see eye-to-eye with, but I would never say that I actually 'hate' them.

Whenever I find myself 'not liking' somebody, I try to work out what it is about that person that I don't feel comfortable with. Is it something within ME? Is it something that they actually say or do? Could it be a bit of jealousy creeping in on MY behalf.

If all else fails, I've found that it's good to pray for myself and them - once you actively pray for somebody else's well-being or situation in life, you find it easier to cope with their faults.

As a Christian, I believe that we're meant to 'be part of this world' but to not be negatively influenced by people whose behaviour goes against the teachings of Jesus.

Hate is too strong a word to use about someone you are friends with, but one of the answers about friends who tell you all their woes ad nauseum without asking about you, is something that resonates strongly with me.

I do have some people I keep on the email and card list - friends from college, other homes etc, with whom I have very little in common now. - Not many, I lost a lot of 'friends' when I went down (seriously) with ME. Before that I'd always been a helpful doer - when I couldn't be, that showed me the truth of why they were 'friends'. Quite a lot of people who I'd thought were close friends - never saw them again. Good thing in the long run but shocking at the time.

I think hate should only be used if someone has done something that had changed your life and not for the best.
I prefer dislike and can think of several persons to dislike and will go out of my way to avoid contact with them.

Made friends many years ago with someone who seemed likeminded & easy to get on with at first. Then little sly remarks about a man I was seeing though the man she was involved with was supposedly a saint! This went on with the remarks becoming more accusations. So much jealousness coming from someone we had thought a friend. It hurt for a long time until she decided to move telling us she would be in touch as soon as she was settled. No one heard from her again & we found she had not moved where she told us, to a nice country village but to a large grubby town. Relief all round once we realised that she was being found out in her lies & making us all upset. So now we do not care & have put her nasty ways behind us. We still do not waste time hating her though. We feel sorry for her.

I had someone I thought to be a good friend who stabbed me in the back, not once, but twice. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the first time against my better judgment, but after the second time that was it. I actually feel sorry for her because I don’t think that she can see that her behaviour pushes people away. She’s a grown up though, so I guess it’s her choice and down to her...

People like an excuse to talk about themselves, their joys, woes and boasts, with friends or on a forum like this. It's human nature. If it becomes too one-sided it can turn into something other than friendship, as suggested by some of these posts.

A friend you actively hate would surely be an ex friend unless you are a masochist. Yes friends can be irritating. I have a younger friend, vain, very pretty and it’s all about her but very amusing company for a night and if anything is wrong she’s on the doorstep.
I think you can have a love/hate relationship with a man. They can have a power over you, sexual in the main and difficult to shake off, even if you ‘hate’ them!
All passion spent for me and calmer for it.

Maybe the 'friend' that the person hates isn't actually a personal friend and comes as part of a more extended friendship circle? I can't imagine really hating someone and calling them a friend, even the ones who drive me mad. Perhaps the correct description was 'acquaintance' and they didn't know how to spell it...

My U3A group encourages people to mix, befriend new members, and not be ‘cliquey’ (if that is a word!)
I took under my wing a new member, new to the area and fairly recently bereaved. We got along well, and I used to drive her to various places, as she has no car. We even shared a room on the holiday to Ireland.
Since the lockdown I haven’t had a word, message or phone call from her. I phoned her once, to see how she is coping, and she was perfectly pleasant, but she has made no effort to check on me, though I am much more vulnerable than she is.
Perhaps I won’t be quite so helpful when U3A starts up again.

I have (or perhaps had) a friend who lives around 200 miles away, so most contact has been remote. She has always told me her problems at great length and sent me several emails a day. She’s quite needy, and I have always tried to be supportive. This year I have been seriously ill and didn’t have the strength or energy to maintain contact at an intense level. I explained how ill I was and how I was feeling. She sent me an email that started with the words “F*ck off”. I was shocked, I deleted the mail, waited a while then sent a friendly message. Not heard from her since. I feel she was using me to help with her problems, but had no use for me when I had my own problems,

I have one particular friend who I like, but she is a bit of a bore at times.
I don’t actually hate anyone that much.

I have always thought that the phrase "she's my best friend ... I hate her" was just descriptive of the banter and ups and downs of a friendship rather than a literal examination of true feelings. My lifelong best friend (now deceased) and I certainly used it in this way and it always raised a laugh.

@Blossoming
That's shocking.

I have a friend who I now feel very ambivalent about. She has always been a bit of a wimp and gets wound up and takes offence over the slightest thing She married for the first time in her early 50s, never having had a proper relationship until then. They lived together for about 6 months after the proposal. She does absolutely everything for her husband, waiting on him hand, foot and finger. I honestly think that she’s terrified of losing him and having to work again. The woman she has turned into drives me mad!

I don't think I would hate anyone. There are people I dislike or even despise because they have turned out to be users admit friends. I have always done everything I could to help friends but it isnt always returned as I have found out since I became ill. I had two friends who whenever we spoke it was all about them and even talking of people I had never even met. I was quite ill and didnt reply to an email from each of them but they never bothered to send another one to see if I was okay so that was the end of them. Living abroad you are sometimes friends with people you wouldnt mix with back in the UK but since my illness and the virus we have decided to keep to ourselves and just be pleasant because it's surprising how two faced some people can be. Especially when you receive a message that should have been sent to someone else and it's all about you. That said I do have one very good friend who I originally met on the internet before meeting in real life and we have become more like the sisters we never had.

I'm in a very happy place with friends and acquaintances. At this ripe old age I have just enough to be able to manage to meet socially at least once a month and they are definitely quality rubbish whom I've cultivated over the years and I constantly remind them of this. Those who live further away have the joy of bursts of a week at a time with me and vice versa. My select few are the light of my life and, happily, it seems to be mutual. Incidentally, my besty and I just celebrated 61 years since the day we met on 16th June. I'm one happy bunny in that respect. Roll on the relaxation when we can all meet up again in the flesh. At the moment we're making do with technology but maturity (huh!) has rendered us canny.

Yes. When I read the question, my mind immediately went to one person in my social circle. She has a heart of gold but hides it well under her judgemental attitude towards others, which I see as a lack of confidence, but she can be very offensive and then when I (it's usually me) refuse to be bullied, which she tries on anyone who seems gentle, she does not know where to go with things. Yet, I see a deep vulnerability in her. She is a large, very fit quite intimidating person and most people are a little afraid of crossing her. She uses this fact as a weapon to be patronising, and until recently racist. Again I stopped that one in it's tracks, I cannot bear racist behaviour.
She is also capable of genuine acts of kindness above and beyond what anyone might expect. Hard work to have as a friend but there are aspects to her that I love and equally a side to her that I hate. I feel protective towards her. So friendship is not always simple is it?

Strange. I've got a couple of friends whose views I don't share, but I still like them.

Being more of an introvert than extrovert, I do see friends and acquaintances but am just as happy bumbling along on my own with OH. I’ve never hated anyone but recall on several occasions comments made by OH’s friends wife. Usually which neck cream I should be using or which colour I should use to dye my hair. One night I tried to make more of an effort when getting ready: she said “I’ve always liked you in that dress, but I’ve never seen it fit you quite like that before’ ????

I had a 'friend' who shared the same interests as me.
We got on quite well initially, but as time went on she became very critical eg, my 'portion control' was a bit too large, That I should make fewer white sauces, because they are not as healthy as tomato-based sauces.
That I shouldn't wear pink - I should have 'my colours done'
That a friend of hers drinks far too much, and she tried to advise this friend to drink less, and so on.
The final straw was when she asked me why I had married my husband. I cut her out of my circle.
Incidentally she is divorced and is not in a relationship.

I think "she's my best friend and I hate her" was a catchphrase of a comedian...I remember it being said in a simpering little girl voice.
Perhaps the name will come back to me..or to another gran

I have one friend who is annoying but I don't hate her, I thought I had got it down to exchanging xmas cards, but no she recently called me up again. The main problem is she is such a snob and everything tends to be me me me! I do not encourage her to say the least!