Gransnet forums


Do you ever feel

(100 Posts)
MissAdventure Tue 30-Jun-20 23:23:37

That you'd like to be "mothered" a bit?
I really miss my mum, and although we weren't huggy or very forthcoming about love, it was lovely to be able to pop in and get some "mum".

annep1 Wed 01-Jul-20 00:04:41

Yes MissAdventure I do. I felt very ill recently and said to my husband, I want my mummy. And I did. I do.

Many nights I grabbed the car keys and said I think I'll just go to my mums for a chat. And she always smiled when she saw me.
Mums are such special people. We will always miss them.
Sending you some flowers

Nanderin Wed 01-Jul-20 00:16:31

Hi yes I do just lately always say wish I was a kid at home again.miss my mum so much.

V3ra Wed 01-Jul-20 00:22:17

Not really.
My Mum was always very critical of me.
She rarely babysat and wasn't happy to be asked to help when she visited, even to make a cup of tea was a major production.
When I visit my daughter I never stop! Even her partner comments on it.
My sister was the golden child who got the degree and the wealthy husband, as she never tired of telling me.
But I was the one who showered and dressed her, took her to the toilet, when she was frail and fading.
I have lots of happy memories but I don't miss her.
She certainly made me self-sufficient!

Marthjolly1 Wed 01-Jul-20 00:28:19

I dont know what that feels like. My mum was a very nice lady but really not very maternal. She often told me she never wanted to have any children. If I had any worries she would always say 'dont tell me - I dont want to know' so I never did. Dad was never at home - I never did get to know him and he certainly had no idea what I was about. Oh dear - that's sounds a bit like poor me.

Grammaretto Wed 01-Jul-20 00:34:45

Your mum has known you for longer than anyone else! Your oldest friend.
I still simetimes dial her number by mistake and she's been dead 12 years.

MissAdventure Wed 01-Jul-20 00:37:10

Oh, what a shame.
annp has it right, I think, that smile your mum would give. Lovely!

In my work, I visit a home where the mum has dementia (though I'm not there for her)

She always gives me a beautiful smile and says "Hello Sue" and I know she's pleased to see me. (My name isn't Sue, but who cares!)

jdga Wed 01-Jul-20 02:20:05

MissAdventure - What a great way of putting it, I’d dearly love to be able to “get some Mum”. (blinking back tears)

kittylester Wed 01-Jul-20 07:12:19

I'm in the 'no thank you've camp.

She would be disappointed that it was me rather than one of my brothers.

Harris27 Wed 01-Jul-20 07:17:06

I had a step mum she was ok but favoured my sister who was hers, I vowed to be a good mum and I think I have been so far!

Marydoll Wed 01-Jul-20 07:20:37

Same for me, Kitty. I was the one, who washed her, changed her, did everything for her, when she had dementia.
However, it was my brother she wanted when she was taking her last breath. 😢

ginny Wed 01-Jul-20 07:27:41

Oh , yes please. She’s been gone 27 years. She was the best.

cornergran Wed 01-Jul-20 07:30:30

I’m with you missAdventure, have had the same thought recently.

Lilypops Wed 01-Jul-20 07:34:14

It’s been a long long time for me growing up without a Mum, I was 11 years old ,she died suddenly , it was very very hard growing up without her loving arms around me when I needed her most during puberty, teenage years, getting married, My lovely Dad passed away when I was 15 so I was suddenly an “orphan”.
I had Aunts and Uncles around but it never made up for losing parents no matter how hard they tried ,
Thankfully I met a wonderful man who promised to take care of me , and he did and we are still married 52 years later. 3 wonderful children and 2 Grandchildren ,

Liaise Wed 01-Jul-20 07:37:10

I'm also in the 'no thank you camp'. My mother always wanted to be waited on at my house and no one had ailments except her. The last time I saw her she said she would change her will if she could get to the solicitor. She didn't as she died suddenly soon after. I was an only child and often wonder what it would have been like having brothers as Kitty mentioned earlier.
A lot of water has gone under the bridge since then but it still rankles so she achieved what she set out to do.

BlueSky Wed 01-Jul-20 08:01:48

Another 'no thanks' here. She wasn't very maternal, the nearest I got to a mum is my DH!

Grannynannywanny Wed 01-Jul-20 08:06:07

I was fortunate to have wonderful parents. My Mum was also a devoted Gran to my 2 children. She had a lovely relationship with them.
Sadly she died 2 months before my d’s wedding day.

I often think of her when I’m with my 4 lovely gc and wish she could have lived long enough to be in their lives. My dad lived to see the first 2 born and he doted on them. They are both a great miss from our family. My AC talk about them often to their own children and keep their memory alive.

Juliet27 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:10:20

^ I’m with you missAdventure, have had the same thought recently.^

Me too cornergran. but I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot more lately and wish I could have spent more time with him. I never really appreciated what a gentle, decent character he was.

MellowYellow Wed 01-Jul-20 08:13:31

I miss sitting at my mum's kitchen table with the sun pouring in, giggling with her. She had a terribly hard life, but was lovely and never lost her sense of humour.

Jane10 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:17:17

It's a definite no from me! I'd love to have some 'Gran' time with my dear Gran though.

dragonfly46 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:21:33

I miss my mum and she is still alive. When I visit she takes no notice and is more interested in what is going on around her. In a way I am pleased as neither of my parents are aware I have had cancer as they would have worried.

Puzzler61 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:23:53

My mum died over 30 years ago I always admired and respected her and think of her affectionately, but was not very connected to her emotionally.
She was very close to my older sisters and I was always aware that I was born after she though she had finished her family so I always felt a bit like the baby and a nuisance, if that makes sense.

Sar53 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:29:14

I miss my mum very much. She had dementia and it was dreadful seeing the way she deteriorated and then died. I wish she had known my darling granddaughters, she would have loved them.
I loved my dad but as he got older was very hard work and my mum put up with a lot from him. They both died in their 70's, which by today's standards is quite young.

Curlywhirly Wed 01-Jul-20 08:33:18

Bluesky I'm the same as you, the nearest I got to a Mum is my husband. My Mum was a lovely woman, but as my dad left her with 3 small children (I am the youngest and he left when I was a few weeks old) she never really got over it (he left in the 1950s, when divorce was relatively rare, my Mum felt terrible shame). As a result my Mum was very vulnerable and quite needy, I wouldn't dream of going to her with any problem. So having a husband who is a really strong character who seems to be able to sort out any problem is wonderful for me. I suppose that must be the feeling most people have about their dads (and their Mums too), someone who is strong, who you can turn to and who will make everything alright.

merlotgran Wed 01-Jul-20 08:42:18

I loved my mother very much but she could be very demanding. Lockdown would have been a nightmare for her....and us!!

She did have a lovely relationship with her grandchildren and great grandchildren though. They all adored her.

Now when I miss her I like to think she is sitting on a cloud with DD, putting the world to rights with her pithy one liners while enjoying a pink gin!