Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

Kadinsky
Have you thought about joining the W.I.? I joined it over 10 years ago, I didn't particularly want to to be honest at the time, but I have made some super friends. I'm in a W.I. book group and we have really bonded, we have a real laugh, chat and enjoy each other's company. Why not try it when lockdown finishes and things get back to normal?

Can I suggest that now we face fewer restrictions, you start going to church? You don't have to 'believe' (but it probably helps) but if you attend regularly you will soon find your assistance is needed in all sorts of ways.
If nothing else, you will have somewhere to go once a week, and if you smile and say 'hello' you will soon make new friends. You will have to meet people half way - just try it - say 'good morning' (the worst that can happen is that they ignore you, just speak up - they may be deaf) What's to lose?
If you just sit at home, no-one will call you.
Have courage, and Good luck.

I think this lockdown has shown how many people we have in our life that care about us.
I live with my husband, son, daughter and grandson. So we’ve been locked down together. We’ve only had One visitor, when it was allowed. My grandsons dad. We have no one to be in a bubble with ?
I’ve got female friends that I keep in touch with , who’ve all got lots of family to mix with.
I’m looking forward to meeting up with them when they can fit me in.
I’ve been shielding, so really am looking forward to returning to work as well.

Craicon suggesting that someone who feels that they have no friends should hold a party is kind of out of touch! We once held a party and ONE PERSON came. He soon shuffled off leaving us mortified.

Its all very well endlessly suggesting joining clubs and volunteering etc but as has been said, some of us have tried this ad nauseam with no results!

annepl Your right about core groups and being ignored and even more right about it not being important ?Its just annoying!!

What do you like doing? That is a good starting point for making friends. Anything from knitting to rock climbing will produce a group. Sometimes you have to be the one to make the moves and reach out to other people. During lockdown there have been so many groups for volunteers opening up - our village has a WhatsApp group and as a result we are all much friendlier. Local town has an 'In Need' group - I think most areas have them. Perhaps you could shop for someone or bake a cake or offer to do some weeding? All this has been said in different ways, but if you want to make friends you will make friends, but you must want them because you like and are interested in them, not just because you are desperate for a friend.

Can I suggest YOURS magazine looking for friends section. I have made a couple of friends through this. You could say something on the lines “looking for ladies to go out locally for coffee, cinema etc in ..............(state your locality) area” its a free service. Yes, you really do need to make the effort. I have moved several times to different areas. The W.I is ok but again you have to make an effort as the other members have their pals already established, if you are prepared to take a role on the Committee you will become integrated quicker, that I promise! Good luck

I have the same feeling. Why is it always me who has to do the initial contact?. I only know what the family are doing through facebook.

Same here, I'm ft carer for hubby who is bedridden and apart from my daughter texting me I don't hear from anyone. I had one friend, or thought she was a friend until I realised she never messaged me first or rang me and when we went out to lunch I always picked her up and paid. She offered to pay once but followed it up with "this is a one off, I can't afford to pay for lunch". I felt like she was doing me a favour, a coffee would have been enough just to have a chat, so now I wake up thinking just another same old day. It's only the fact that carers call three times a day that I see people lol

I keep in touch with most people via Facebook: it’s a good way of doing so without phoning someone that you don’t necessarily know well enough to have a long conversation with on the phone (something that can get awkward if you run out of things to talk about). This includes ex work colleagues that I’m quite fond of but don’t necessarily have a lot in common with now. The only friend I have phoned on a regular basis is someone who lives alone and I do so to check she’s ok. She does have a large friendship group where she lives but our friendship goes back 50 plus years. We just chat about tv programmes (used to be what we’d seen at the cinema but that’s obviously not happening now): politics (she’s Tory I’m Labour but we’re both anti brexit) and which diet we’re on now. I’m on a couple of other forums apart from this one and people are very concerned in the current climate if someone doesn’t post for a while and they do try to make contact in other ways. I couldn’t post for a while as I’d changed my iPad and was struggling with the new one, and was quite touched when someone asked about me. I find that I get incredibly fond of ‘internet chums’.

Unfortunately it is relatively rare for work colleagues to be true friends after the common denominator is longer there. I have observed that it is barely 6 weeks after someone has left a job, for that person to evaporate in the minds of former colleagues, especially when a new member of a team has joined. I worked for the same employer for 30 years and have only stayed in touch with about 10 former colleagues, and even then most have moved away and do not live nearby. I have however made new local friends by joining activities but realistically lockdown has reduced contact to the occasional text and zoom meet ups, which are quite boring as no-one has any news to report. I definitely had no expectations of additional phone calls or delivery of cake!
Prior to lockdown I have found that it has become rarer to invite/ be invited round to anyone's home, but this has been replaced by arranging to meet for lunch or a coffee, which seems to have become far more commonplace than it used to be, as evidenced by the number of coffee shops that have opened up in last 10 years of so. Friendships seem to involve quite a bit of proactivity and two way effort nowadays.

Not really the same, I do have a few friends who have kept in touch by phone, and many who live in the UK (I dont) we have skype sessions which are lovely, but I dont have many friends generally.I do the phoning but they never seem to take the initiative to ring first. Try some groups after the lock down,or volunteer in a charity shop they always need volunteers, and you would meet lots of people, may not become friends but it will be a change. Good Luck

You have to get out and find friends. I always, always suggest becoming a volunteer with the National Trust. When they re-open they will be looking for lots of new volunteers and it's a wonderful, interesting and exciting thing to do. You have your own group who work on the same day as you, there are social events and you meet lots of people during a normal day. Get out there, find your nearest National Trust house. So much to enjoy.

I'm in the same boat. No one has independently got in touch to ask how I am (I'm 60, at home with elderly parents 92 & 89 with underlying health problems). One brother asks how I am if we're in touch via email about something, but it's never an email in itself. Even pre-lockdown neither brother if visiting would ever come & seek me out to find out how I am. Oh, and I do have a sister but she's a cranky old soul, though she has mellowed a little as she's got older.

One close friend moved several years ago for her job & to save the marriage. We got back in touch on Twitter once she'd separated from him (he was controlling of her friends) but now she's gone silent again a couple of months ago. I've written a letter to her address but nothing.

My boyfriend, or rather my sexual friend, is not very good at the keeping in touch scenario, but I learnt that very quickly into the now 30-year-relationship.

I'm 'friends' with a small handful of ex-work colleagues on Facebook, but again none of them have reached out independently, but that doesn't surprise me.

At work (about 25 years ago) we used to for girlie meals at Pizza Express, and they were great fun, meeting up with others who worked at other locations. But then I realised I was the one setting the date & time, so I gradually stopped organising and soon they stopped all together.

Group things for me these days are very hard as I need to lip-read - even family gatherings at Christmas make me feel an outsider.

I too have those moments when I feel no one really cares. But I just do my own thing. My life is my own. Yes, I would like friends who would just pop by or I could see them.

But it is what it is.

I agree that the wording of the OP was perhaps a bit strange, in that expecting people to drop off cakes when we are all suffering under what's left of the lockdown might come across as a bit demanding.

But I also think that it was probably just an example of the way that the media can make it feel as though everyone else is having a great life when we (generic) aren't. It's a bit like seeing all the holiday photos on Facebook, or the smiling children with excellent school reports. Nobody posts about wet weekends or the days when the children are being horrible, do they? I think it is more of a general point about realising that she doesn't have friends, which becomes more noticeable when we can't get out and about as we used to.

It's not very helpful to tell the OP stories about how people host parties (how can she do that without people to invite?) or how to meet people with children the same age as hers (that works when they are school age, but not otherwise) and so on.

I left work recently, and found that not only did my social circle shrink, but that the friends I have in my home town were made at a time when I didn't really need the same sort of stimulus as I did when I was working. I like them a lot, but we don't really have as much in common as I would like. I am much more sociable than they are, for instance, and would like to have more people to go out with regularly (as I used to do after work when I was there). Also, they were already a friendship group when I left work, having been SAHMs when I wasn't, so they already have one-to-one things set up between them that I can't easily take part in.

Before lockdown, I signed up for a couple of local classes, so that I could meet others with similar interests, and was enjoying them, but of course they have been cancelled for the duration. I know that won't be for everyone, but there are so many different options that there might be something going on locally that people might have an interest in. After the initial class, which might be a bit awkward for an introvert, it will be very easy to attend without knowing people in advance.

It might be September before these things start up again (if we don't get a second wave), but there is everything from yoga to car maintenance on offer, with a lot in between, so the odds are that there will be something that might appeal, and it would be a start. When contacts have been made, it will be easier to suggest meeting outside of the class, or there is the option of hosting a charity coffee morning (there are lots of them) and invite people to that without worrying that you sound needy.

I don’t have friends. I have a wonderful family all nearby and my DH who is lovely. I have burnt my fingers trying to make friends. I honestly don’t know where I go wrong. Maybe because I was a very shy only child (until my sister was born when I was 11). Any so-called friends I’ve made have been emotionally draining and I’ve found it impacting my own MH. I joined a fitness group a while back and was so happy to be part of a social group, but then found that I was being left out of get-togethers. This got so bad that I had a breakdown and I now accept that friends are not for me. Quite honestly OP if you have a great family around you, why worry about it.

I have had 'friends' all my life. That is until some disaster happens and then they fall by the wayside. my closest friends of twenty five years who I met through work and once we left and all had 'lump sums' and equalled us out financially changed the dynamics and although no arguments the once a month 'meet up' fell away. Now in lockdown and thinking about friendships 'I really do not care' I have always been a giver but after my life changed financially (for the better) so did the friendships. I enjoy my hobbies and enjoy the freedom of doing what I want and when I want.

Megs36 everyone doesn't know each other on GN. I often feel ignored. I've heard others lamenting that no one answers their posts. But its really not important. There does seem to be a core group who are close. I used to envy groups like that, in real life too. But then I think do I really want to make the effort and the answer is no. I don't have the energy or desire. A couple of good friends are enough and my art groups where more time is spent chatting over coffee than painting!.
I think for those who are lonely and shy joining groups with common interests is a good thing. Or volunteering. But you do have to make an effort and take chances. Everyone won't want to be our friend and vice versa.

Cata5 Just want to wish you Many happy returns of your birthday, whenever it was. ??

I also take my dogs out walking. That's always a conversation starter.

Have you considered volunteering? A charity shop, a Foodbank, any support organisation would welcome you. Offer your services even as a doggie walker for anyone housebound. Believe me, it will open many doors for you and you will meet others. Worked for us when we had to relocate 8 years ago after DH stroke....village has a community shop manned by volunteers of a senior age mostly. Best move ever! Good luck!

Unfortunately being shy and not an extrovert makes it hard. I too am.shy. Most of my friends live many miles away. I ring elderly relatives or old family friends. Try and make friends with your neighbours. Is there anyone elderly living alone that wants so companionship. I can't really put myself out there much as I have chronic bad health. However since lockdown we have got to know our neighbours better. Give it time. There must be many people like us feeling the same. Maybe offer a neighbour some support. Ask them if they need anything.

Dear Kandinsky - I am so sorry to hear that you feel friendless. I don't think at 57 you are too old to make new friends! I was 67 when I retired and upped sticks to move to a part of the country 80 miles away. This was fulfilling a life long dream. I did not know a soul and live on my own. My daughter lived 30 miles away (however she has now moved to the US). I started by volunteering at our local library and then as an usher at the nearby theatre. (tip here is only to volunteer to "causes" that you are interested in!), I also got an allotment & joined the local WI and art group. Yes, a lot of people are in their own cliche and don't want to look outside of it but there are also people who are happy to embrace an outsider!! I am now 70 and have made quite a few good friends, been on holiday with one of them, & when walking to the village shop am able to greet so many people by name. I have a small dog and find that you meet a lot of people through dog walking. When we get back to our new "normal" and it is safe to do so when societies and volunteer opportunities start to open up again do have a look around and see if you have any locally that you are interested in. It is so much easier to make friends when you have a comment interest...good luck and don't give up Kandinsky - I am sure that you have so much to contribute to your local community and as a friend! x

When things are a little better why not join the U3A you would be made very welcome and in no time you will have made friends, either at the monthly meeting or at any of the individual groups within. Please give it some thought and look up U3A online for your area.

What a timely post @Kandinsky! I was feeling exactly the same yesterday. Actually I’ve felt like that for a long time but recent circumstances have highlighted it I think. And some of the replies here make my blood boil! I am 66, retired with husband, children & lovely grandchildren. The family I can’t see at the moment, but surprise, lovely as my husband is, I do need other people from time to time. I am very social, I’ve started groups locally & try & keep in touch with them even now. But I would love someone to just pick up the phone, text, email just to say “how are you doing?” The number of times I have contacted people recently to be met with “I was just thinking about you” but I feel I am always the first to make the move. So, with many people, including my so called “best friend” I have given up. The effort is too draining at the moment. My husband thinks it’s because I present as a confident, coping person. So I guess my plea is to everyone, PLEASE pick up the phone & contact that person you’ve not checked in on for a while. They may not be doing as well as you think. Yesterday I was seriously contemplating what was the point of this “new normal” & my “friends” would be very shocked to hear that (if they bothered to ask).