Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

You are entering a very good time of your life. Get out there & find some organisations. W.I is very good- there will be a group near you who will make you very welcome & they will have a lot of different interest groups you can join.
U3A if you want to learn something new. A walking group?Yoga? Reading group (ours is brilliant!) Painting group ( I go to one & I really cannot paint at all well but the company is great)
Ask at your local library to see what is on offer near you.
I bet you will be surprised.
Please don't be lonely- there is so much you can do

I understand OP as I am mostly in the same position. My health problems mean that I am mainly housebound and couldn’t commit to weekly meetings so it’s not easy.

You have a husband.
You have children
You are ,only 57 .
Why should people come round to you with a cake?
Perhaps you could bake one for somebody who really needs one
I think Sarahanew's poem says it all.

I like your username Kandinsky. Maybe join an art or art history group when we are allowed again? U3A is good for that, where I am anyway. (Cornwall.)

janeainsworth

I think a lot of people who might otherwise be reasonably sociable have felt rather down & perhaps depressed by lockdown.

I’ve ring a few people up and a few people have rung me. But essentially, after the usual how-are-you-fine-thanks, the next question is ‘what have you been up to?’
To which the answer is ‘nothing really’ and after a while, having spent 20 minutes rubbishing the government for its acts and omissions, you start to think what’s the point. Phone calls are a poor substitute for face to face meetings.

If you really have no friends Kandinsky I’m not sure why lockdown would make any difference?
But 57 isn’t old. You’ve got plenty of time to re-establish friendships or make new ones. But it does need some effort and casual friendships are quite different from those with people you’ve known for years and become emotionally close to whether by shared circumstances or interests, or because there’s a certain emotional bond or link. And the latter are rare, in my experience.

I think lockdown has put life under a microscope and you see more than you realised was going on before. I think in some cases it has made a huge difference to people.
Kandinsky has had time to think about who is there for her, apart from her family? And maybe about the desolation of feeling that she has no friends. We've all heard the stories of people bringing cakes, etc, etc, but when nothing like that has happened to you, you begin to wonder why and evaluate your life.

I totally agree that it seems to get harder as you get older to make new and lasting friendships. Most of mine were through work but they seem to have petered out. I notice Urmstongran is on this link. If you are in Urmston I would love to meet. Also anyone else who lives in the surrounding area? We could have a meet up once a week, month especially when this dreadful virus has finally gone (socially distancing of course).

I've got friends but apart from 1 local friend no-one really has bothered to ring me or email me to see how I am coping with it all. My sister, who lives 200 miles away, and normally rings me every week to see how things are has been ringing every couple of days instead. I live in supported accommodation with a tenancy support worker around during week days but have my own flat and separate entrance to the other 11 flats. It has been hard but I think I am used to being left alone. Most of my friends have partners while there's just me. It's hit home harder this year because in a way we've been made to look at ourselves and see what is or isn't there.
How about trying groups when all this is over, like a reading group, a choir, learning in a group? Anything to try and get yourself out there and find friends for you. Good Luck with it.

I am assuming you are still working Kandinsky and wonder if, like me before I retired, you are confusing work colleagues with friends?
I use know that despite encouraging noises and mutters of meeting up for coffee and lunch I have found we have little in common with each other now that we no longer have the “glue” of the workplace. Because work and the demands of three children took up a large part of my life for so many years there was not much space for other friendships.
I am full of admiration for how my adult children have kept up friendships from years and years ago -from student, even school days, and now that they are all married with small children they still meet up regularly even if just for a dog walk!
To have friends you must be a friend is something I have learned from them and that can mean taking the first step and risking rejection. It also means working at it. And often settling for acquaintanceship not the deep friendships of our teenage years.
I do feel for you and since I have been on my own it has been even harder to make that effort, to risk rejection and to always be the proactive one.
So make those calls yourself, bake and deliver that cake and cheer somebody up. You will feel better for it!

I am like JaneAinsworth

not a chatty person, not small chat.. so that surely is the first point of contact with people

small talk, that`s the phrase I was looking for.
I don`t need a LOT of friends, but I like good friends

and I agree with Luckyold beethoven

I have lived in this small close withmy dh, who died recently, for over 20 years,, and there is no neighbourliness whatsover..

tenanted properties? some I expect.. but England has changed, in imo not for the better

3 years ago I joined the local church here,
still a few call me, obligatory calls to my mind, not real friends

I went outside to find a friend
And there was no one there
I went outside to be a friend
And friends were everywhere..

Sorry you are feeling like this. I think I'm a very odd person. I don't feel the need for friends, maybe because I have sisters who I am close to. I realise not everyone is in my position.

I have ladies who I meet up with for lunch occasionally but it's always a bit of a chore to be honest. Not being able to meet them is a bit of a relief. That sounds awful I suppose.

Risky the OP stated she has husband and children hence my answer. I do know that if you are on your own the lack of friends is much worse, unless again by choice.

Kandinsky I-know what you mean although I am a lot older than you, I belong to a ‘Ladies’ Club ,’ not the WI, and most members joined decades ago and have grown old together whilst after twenty years I’m still the new girl. I’ve contacted some during this time but very rarely does anyone get back to me.I also find the so-called welcoming posts on GN never seem to respond if I try to join in discussions, again everyone seems to know everyone?, Not much help I’m afraid , maybe some of us are better on our own. I do have a-couple of what I call really good friends but they have their own lives with other people, I’ve come to the conclusion I must be really boring!!
Maybe some suggestions above aboutvoluntary occupations will help , you are very young still.???

Fifty seven is young enough to make new friends.

What would you have? Do you want friends with similar esoteric interests to yourself? Or, easier to accomplish, friends who merely want to be seen to be gregarious?

Maybe you want friends for mutual support in times of trouble?
Whatever sort of 'friend' you want to find you have to make yourself attractive to them by how you present yourself to them. Most people whatever interests they have like someone who is not selfish and who makes an effort to be helpful.

I'm the same.
I often feel like I've slipped out of the real world, and into a kind of half-life.
Lockdown has made no difference to me, because I haven't got much of a life in the first place.

If you have any hobbies, Kandinsky that can give you a starting point. Like-minded people form groups and it gives you something to talk about.

I have a husband and family but I still need friends and like the OP I have recently realised that my friends tend to be work friends and as I work 40 miles away they aren’t ones I see unless I’m either at work or a big social event is planned. I have moved quite a bit so local friends have rather fallen by the wayside.
Before lockdown started I was looking into joining the Townswomens Guild or the WI as I realised I needed local friends, just to meet for a coffee and a chat or a walk.
Luckily I’ve been working throughout lockdown so very little has changed for me but solely relying on family is a dangerous path as who knows what is around the corner.

I'm also in the same boat. I am a sociable person and have quite a few really good friends that I've known for many years but they're hundreds of miles away and some dont keep in regular contact. I'm the one to keep contact with them. Since I moved about 4 years ago I've joined all sorts of groups, ramblers, crochet, yoga, Meet-Ups, but I have not yet made any connections. The neighbourhood is the most unfriendly I have ever lived in. Only my next door neighbour will engage in an exchange. Everyone else positively keep their heads turned the other way to avoid and contact. I find that quite upsetting. I only want to say hello and offer a smile. I volunteer in a charity shop which has been my saviour and just love the social contact with other volunteers and customers. Ive really missed it and hope to go back in the next couple of weeks. I'm 70 and have thought for quite a while now that it's harder to make new friends as one gets older.

BlueSky

Kandinsky Why would you need friends when you have husband and children? I've always been in your position but by choice. I enjoy my own company otherwise it's up to you to make it happen, as nobody will come knocking on your door.

Not everyone has that family luxury.

I suppose really you have to ask are you content on your own, do you prefer being on your own? I have a relative in mid sixties who does not have a single friend. I can’t understand it. I have friends from school; from when we had babies together; church members; shared interests too. I have made new friends recently too. . .but then I like having friends and we keep in touch with each other even now. I honestly don’t know what the solution is but the world will
not beat a path to your door for sure!

Volunteering is a great way to socialise. If you do litter picking beach, fields, local areas it combines exercise. Its very good if you feel you could get attatched to much if you volunteered helping people. Magnet fishing helps clear out metal from canals if you live close to one and theres quiet a few groups started up now. Charity shops is a good avenue and can also lead onto paid part time work.

Kandinsky Why would you need friends when you have husband and children? I've always been in your position but by choice. I enjoy my own company otherwise it's up to you to make it happen, as nobody will come knocking on your door.

I think a lot of people are busy just coping. I admit I did contact someone last week who I really should have contacted two months ago. I hope they understand that I have a lot of managing of other things that have been exacerbated by the whole lock down thing. It's been quite demanding. I suppose I don't need to feel bad though as they hadn't contacted me either.

Sorry you are feeling alone. Maybe this could be a good time to join a local community group online and try to make some connections? There are quite a few Zoom groups meeting at the moment.

I'm another one who has friends who are only friends if I do all the work. It seems to me that luck is part of it, I'm tired of people with wonderful neighbours or book clubs that turn into holiday pals.
We moved a few years ago and I have done my best to make friends with little success. Our neighbours barely wave, the activities I've joined are fine but no one wants more than the activities themselves. The biggest shock is the WI where not only do the members talk only to their existing 'friends' but in the lockdown all activity and contact totally ceased because 'they all know each other' or they are shielding.
I think there's something horribly wrong with the UK these days. I used to be chatty and lively, never lots of friends but a few, now I feel very discouraged. Kandinsky you are not alone.

I think a lot of people who might otherwise be reasonably sociable have felt rather down & perhaps depressed by lockdown.

I’ve ring a few people up and a few people have rung me. But essentially, after the usual how-are-you-fine-thanks, the next question is ‘what have you been up to?’
To which the answer is ‘nothing really’ and after a while, having spent 20 minutes rubbishing the government for its acts and omissions, you start to think what’s the point. Phone calls are a poor substitute for face to face meetings.

If you really have no friends Kandinsky I’m not sure why lockdown would make any difference?
But 57 isn’t old. You’ve got plenty of time to re-establish friendships or make new ones. But it does need some effort and casual friendships are quite different from those with people you’ve known for years and become emotionally close to whether by shared circumstances or interests, or because there’s a certain emotional bond or link. And the latter are rare, in my experience.