Do leopards change their spots when they get really old?

My mother was a monster and I absolutely loathed her. Not once, in all the time I was still at home, did she ever express any affection towards me or touch me with love, although she was very "handy" and thought nothing of smacking me across the face or even, on occasion, beating me with a dog whip.

It left me with such severe scars that when I had my first child, it was presumed I'd given birth before "because of all the stretch marks you've got".

I left home at age 16 after she beat me up and down the street naked, on Christmas Day, because I'd stayed out after 10 pm the night before.

After several months of being bounced about by my stepfather I walked away and ended up here, in London. I have never been back except to visit and since the last of my direct relatives died last year, will (hopefully) never have to go back there again.

I'm told that when she died she did so with her face towards the door of the ward, waiting for me to walk through them.

Even if I'd known she was dying, it would not have made any difference. I would still not have gone to see her.

I've tried very, very hard to make sure that my own children know how much I love them. They were told so, and kissed and cuddled from birth.

My mother, by the way, always said I'd make a rotten mother because I was too selfish to have children...

Dementia?

People are often unpleasant or nasty to others because they are unhappy themselves. A happy person is pleasant to be around. People can definitely change

Yes, I believe people can change as they age.

For what reasons, who knows?

Maybe dementia, maybe they try to be nice, maybe life is less stressful as we age (or, at least different stressors)

I would just enjoy it while it lasts.

No they just become old leopards with the same spots in my opinion

I think human spot shifting is a lifelong process- Unlike leopards, whose patterns can be easily read left to right, on either side if their nose, humans can change their spots-

I never liked my mum, adored my dad but mum no. She was sharp with her tongue and hurt me with words she said. Also as a child we were hit with the wooden spoon, which really hurt! When she had a only a few months to live she mellowed but it was to late. I have tried really hard not be like her.

My mother was emotionally distant and a critical person for most of her life when she was a stay at home mum herself, but she did have a lot of stress looking after my father when he was alive as he had Parkinson's disease. She did not tell any of her adult children of the strain on her, as we all had young families at the time. I think that burden impacted upon her ability to have a close relationship with her grandchildren as she was always too stessed and angry with life to indulge them on our visits. I always found it upsetting listening to the criticisms of family memberscand even her friends and neighbours, particularly as I had had a nicevwarm relationship with her mother when we were all growing up. She has however mellowed a bit after the age of 80 so I think the spots do fade but do not disappear..

I had such a nasty MIL I wanted to get on with her, she was nasty from time we first met, I tried everything, on her death bed she decided to tell my family members she was sorry for how she treated me, too little too late, I’d long gone and met the love of my life, so do they I wonder

Are you talking about my mother in law it's sounds like you are describing her . She acts all nicely because she needs me now but every so often she slips out of character . So the answer is no leopards never change there spots .

She has her eye on your spare room lol

We are a make up of our chemicals in our brain along with which area of our brains work well or not and it is possible that her brain has changed. My Uncle was as tight as a tick but after he had a stroke, he suddenly started buying people presents. In fact, he became so generous, he had to be reigned it by his wife but he remained generous for the rest of his life. Certain drugs can cause changes in chemical composition like anti-depressants but other drugs can do it too. The lack of certain hormone can also do it.

Proceed with caution. True narcissists do not and cannot change. If they do, there's an ulterior motive. There has to be something in it for them.

Yep - the same happened to my friend. Not only did her MiL start to treat her nicely but she MiL) also started going to church, something she had never done in her life! My friend said although she feels it's a reprieve, she doesn't trust her and therefore takes it with a pinch of salt.

From my experience people don’t change as they get older, they just become “more so”.

I've said it a 100 times...people behave how you allow them too. Any bad behaviour from mothers in law, daughters in law, anyone really... needs to be nipped in the bud and not tolerated from the beginning.

My husband's grandmother bitterly complained that I hadn't let her hold our baby daughter at the Christening. The baby had actually slept right through everything-the service and the tea afterwards so I didn't particularly want her passed around like a new toy but I told her that she only had to ask, if that was what she wanted, but why was she just blaming me; she has a father too!!! She was a right old battle axe but she never said anything out of place to me after that. The other 2 daughters in law were terrified of her and sang to her tune at every family occasion.

allow them 'to'.......talking about dementia; my spelling/typing/proofreading skills have been terrible this morning!!