daughter wants to terminate at 16 weeks

CS there is such fabulous support and really detailed advice on here (with the usual odd exception), you must feel pleased that you set out the detail of the sad situation in which you are now involved and which must be overwhelming.

It would seem that you were faced with a huge shock and felt completely betrayed by your DH's actions. You have had quite a lot of time to think about where your life can now go, with the realisation of funding for that life being limited by a divorce and then you had Covid thrown into that mix. Life possibly seemed that it couldn't get any worse. It's not surprising and totally understandable, IMO, that you should see your Daughter's pregnancy announcement as one small light in the darkness and something that would give all the family so much joy and a different perspective for you.

If you can just focus now on what is happening with your Daughter by offering her more clarity and support and an unbiased listening ear, it may mean that you will be happier and make better personal decisions later.

It has been suggested that moving in with her for a while might be a great help. If it was my Daughter, I would not care what her decision was if she was 150% sure, her mind was made up, that she was doing what she wanted and she was armed with all the medical facts which might have gone towards making that decision.

I wouldn't care at all about what anyone else thought, but I cannot think for a moment that she is not going to share this with her Husband. I could understand that it's her child, but she is taking a huge risk with her relationship if her Husband knows nothing about this and, for myself, I would never want to be complicit in such a lie. It's the very worst thing to do if he's not on board and this is maybe because she knows how he would respond.

I would want to hear that she has no concerns about the risks for the future, in that she might not conceive again. If this is to be her one chance of a family - would she be so willing to play roulette with her chances of a future and successful pregnancy? I understand that perhaps you don't miss what you've never had, but what will she do in the future if her DH starts talking about having a family? This huge decision which she seems willing to take alone will surely feature in her life at some point in the future.

From everything I have read here, it does sound as if seeking Specialist help will give her the best chance of defeating the debilitating conditions she is now facing every day. The big question is, if those could be taken away, would she still want this baby? I suspect the answer is yes, because you said she was pleased ....so she owes it to herself to take the best medical advice to see if her life can be turned around and she can sail through the rest of her pregnancy without feeling so desperate, before talking about a termination.

Of course, you should not be pressuring her either way. It's not your decision to make. If you are sad that she is determined that you aren't going to be a Grandma, that's something you will just have to accept - or risk losing your relationship with her. But she must have all the facts. If she is just defeated by the horrendous sickness now, someone needs to find out if she would change her mind completely if she could only shake that off. That person is you. Giving her all the facts, maybe encouraging a referral to a Specialist team right now, before she makes any decision is the best way of supporting her.

I so hope that there's a happy outcome to this current situation and that, whatever happens, you can accept your Daughter's decision knowing that you have done all you can to encourage her to get all help. Once she is settled, this should enable you to get on and sort out your own problems without these worries and stress. Good luck.

I have to agree with every word of advice from Grandma french.
I also agree with lemongrove in that your daughters husband should be made aware of the situation. His baby too.
Is it possible that he could come home for a few days?
I do believe that your daughter as poorly as she is can only think a termination is the only way out. It's not.
She needs urgent medical attention.
As we are in the Bank holiday and surgery is closed until Tuesday if I were you, I would call 111. You can speak on behalf of another person, I have done a few times for my brother. Another suggestion is to take your daughter to a walk-in centre.
I can't do links but copied and pasted from NHS website;

Some pregnant women experience very bad nausea and vomiting. They might be sick many times a day and be unable to keep food or drink down, which can impact on their daily life.

This excessive nausea and vomiting is known as hyperemesis gravidarum (HG), and often needs hospital treatment.

Exactly how many pregnant women get HG is not known as some cases may go unreported, but it's thought to be around 1 to 3 in every 100.

If you are being sick frequently and cannot keep food down, tell your midwife or doctor, or contact the hospital as soon as possible. There is a risk you may become dehydrated, and your midwife or doctor can make sure you get the right treatment.
Symptoms of hyperemesis gravidarum
HG is much worse than the normal nausea and vomiting of pregnancy.

Signs and symptoms of HG include:

prolonged and severe nausea and vomiting
being dehydrated. Symptoms of dehydration include, feeling thirsty, tired, dizzy or lightheaded, not peeing very much, and having dark yellow and strong-smelling pee
weight loss
low blood pressure (hypotension) when standing
If your nausea and vomiting cannot be controlled, you may need to be admitted to hospital. This is so doctors can assess your condition and give you the right treatment to protect the health of you and your baby.

Treatment can include intravenous fluids, which are given directly into a vein through a drip. If you have severe vomiting, the anti-sickness drugs may also need to be given via a vein or a muscle.
It can affect you both emotionally and physically. The symptoms can be hard to cope with. Without treatment HG may also lead to further health complications, such as depression or tears in your oesophagus.

Severe sickness can be exhausting and stop you doing everyday tasks, such as going to work or even getting out of bed.

In addition to feeling very unwell and tired, you might also feel:

anxious about going out or being too far from home in case you need to vomit
isolated because you do not know anyone who understands what it's like to have HG
confused as to why this is happening to you
unsure about how to cope with the rest of the pregnancy if you continue to feel very ill.
I hope all goes well.

I had all day, every day sickness for 4 months with my first baby and had to be signed off work. Just the smell of food or the thought of it started me offand what I did manage to eat tasted sweet. It's dreadful I know. Luckily it eased off then I was plagued with heartburn. Nothing at all for the second and third babies.
Keep us updated.

Yes sorry, this was what I meant fron “ring theory”

Re:daughters husband, I read it as though he was aware and supportive.

I wonder how many here seem to think HG is just morning sickness. I had severe morning sickness until I gave birth. I don’t know how I’d have survived with HG.

Anyone who thinks daughter just needs one more drs appt/more drugs obviously hasn’t had this as when you are that sick, you call for every drug you can get.

I dont know if pregnant women are happy to just take drugs for this condition.In my day we were terrified to take anything as we remembered the Thalidomide scandal .Any "man" who would watch his wife suffer like this and put his feelings about a pregnancy first over hers isn't in my opinion worth having around at all.Wife first is these situations....always .

Those who say HG is a serious condition are right! My last pregnancy was nearly 30 years ago and I still get traumatised thinking about it. I loved my babies when they came but I went through HELL with the HG. I really hope the OP’s daughter gets the right help and finds the HG survivors group on FB as she may find some support there from those of us who have been through this debilitating condition.

paddyanne I so agree with what you say.

Absolutely right, paddyanne.

Wondering if there is any update from the OP? Hope everything is ok,I've been thinking about your post

Totally agree with starblaze post

The name for it is hyperemesis gravidarum. It's a very serious condition which can kill if not managed. My daughter had it and was ill for the whole pregnancy. Unfortunately, in the UK they are notoriously bad at helping with it.

If she is very dehydrated she may need to go into hospital.

The problem is that women that get it, are almost certain to get it with every pregnancy. So aborting won't solve the problem unless she no longer plans to have children.