Times change – faster than you think

Ilte I'm sure that you would be very welcome in the kitchen.
I went in there almost straight away- I'm worrying now that I've transgressed in someway!
lemongrove has invited me to the Argy, but I'm still trying to pluck up courage (in all probability, the Dutch variety will be involved).

I was also brought up to understand that swearing was a sign of ignorance. Some years ago I heard a lady I knew rocking her newborn much loved grandson in his pram and saying in a soothing voice “Go to sleep you f*****g little bl**der”. I guess if you are brought up with foul language as the norm it’s hard to see how offensive it is to others. Sometimes though it seems to be used purely for attention seeking and it’s shock value.

Obviously we don’t know how the numbers pan out and most of us don’t know exactly how payments are made for sites like this but the sheer vitriol has become off putting and I use the site less and less because of it. There are still some kinder sites where disagreeing doesn’t lead to a dozen hostile responses.

It also seems too much of a coincidence that a number of the hostile posters hunt in packs. They seem to be on guard duty 24/7 and come out in force, posting cutting and even cruel comments one after the other. I can only imagine they actually pm or text each other when some poor innocent posts something they don’t approve of. They then wade in like the playground bullies they probably were, feeling that there is safety in numbers. It is possible to disagree but remain polite and respectful. Some posters have possibly experienced hard times and feel the need to attack others which presumably relieves their pent up aggression temporarily at least.

We used to have very mixed social/friendship groups but so many posters make comments that everybody they know thinks the same as them and presumably that is then the right way to think or feel. No thought that different experiences shape us and our views. We are not clones who are not allowed to form a differing view. How do you gain a wider viewpoint if you are surrounded by people who are simply echoing your own thoughts and prejudices?

As for people who want links to back up other people’s differing opinions words fail me! I am 100% sure that there are now “links” online to provide a myriad of opinions if you have unlimited time to search for them.

I think that some posters are just bored people who are not who they say they are. They come up with all sorts of misadventures/scenarios to keep themselves happy and the more sympathetic or even mischievous replies they get the more they come up with yet more ludicrous scenarios. I’m always reading posts with a questioning attitude and I’m also wary that nothing on Gransnet is private. It was why I changed my name to something that was a little less top of a google list.

As we all should, Illte, oldies or newbies alike.

I am certainly not an early GN’er, but soon after I joined, there was a heated discussion about long term members, and the poster ruffled feathers by saying certain people considered themselves ‘Gransnet Royalty’!

Made me smile, particularly with all the monarchy/republican threads we have.

?

And because I don't have any "friends" I like to think I can be fairly impartial when it comes to some of the debates.

Oh, I'm relatively new and I do feel a bit left out on some threads where friends exchange long running banter.

I wouldn't dare go to the Kitchen or the Argy bargy and sometimes interesting threads get derailed by in jokes that have been running for a long time.

But hey, just move on.

Gosh, it’s actually been 9 years. How time flies when you’re having fun.

I must have missed something too Maggiemaybe as I have not seen any sniggering or mean comments.

Well, I could copy and paste several, dragonfly, but I can’t, iyswim.

I’ve no intention of being the next to go, for making this a thread about other threads. I’ve lasted 8 years now without a name change, and don’t want to have to think of another now.

Callistemon

I think the point is that posters haven't flounced, Doodledog but have been banned for unknown transgressions.
They've been put outside the city walls of Hometown and the drawbridge has been pulled up!

Oh, I didn't know that. I wasn't drawing a parallel with a particular situation on here, but with the gist of the thread itself.

If the thread is about banning or witch-hunts, then I suppose that is another example of some being 'in the know' and others not, so potentially feeling left out.

I'm often a bit behind the times with what goes on on here - if it's not appropriate to say on here what happened re banning, my inbox is working if anyone would like to fill me in .

Apart from Jingl/*Gonegirl*.
Yes, it looks as if she's been banished by the GN Gulag permanently.

Oops, that could be me next.

I came to GN a couple of years ago - strangely enough as I became a first time grandparent - who'd have thought !
At first I found it helpful, invariably kind and thoughtful even although my posts were no doubt naive to many.
Two years on and I only check in once in a while, rarely post as I find it no longer any of the above in the most part.

Absolutely Smileless it is about how you ‘deliver your message’. That is the key. You can, or should be able to get your point across without being aggressive.

Riverwalk

From the early days there were spats/heated arguments; suspensions; and flouncings off - it's nothing new!

And over the years there have always been 'disrupters' - often with little-girl personas, who start seemingly innocuous threads that somehow, cleverly, entice people to take the bait.

Then follows the usual deletions and uproar.

I agree Riverwalk. I’m another show has been around since the early days and I certainly remember furious disagreements. I do think though that the moderators generally had a lighter, more personal touch.

Nice to see you on here again absent.

I must have missed something too Maggiemaybe as I have not seen any sniggering or mean comments. It is all in the eyes of the beholder I expect and maybe some people are more sensitive than others.

My first post on here was answered with criticism of my behaviour and a complete lack of sympathy but I could see where posters were coming from and opened my eyes to another point of view.
Some posters recently, however, seem intent on derailing posts.

I just have learned to ignore certain posts if I feel they are there to incite.

I am feeling sorry to hear some posters asking if they are the cause of the problems.
Of course you are not - if you are asking you are concerned and people who are concerned are never a problem.

It only takes one to completely change the whole tone of a post and I think they know who they are as it is deliberate.
It comes from attention seeking which is very sad, if a little irritating.

As usual I’ve missed some excitement , but it seems from some threads that a few regulars have been suspended and their friends are outraged. I’d expect HQ to act without fear or favour. I’ve noticed some mean comments recently directed towards newcomers, and sniggering about “a certain person” or “certain posters”. It’s uncalled for. It’s easy enough to scroll past threads or posts by people we don’t care for or find boring, or think are posting just to attract attention, rather than stirring the pot.

It’s no biggie. It’s not as if they won’t all be back in a week or so, with or without new names.

Apart from Jingl/*Gonegirl*.

I think the point is that posters haven't flounced, Doodledog but have been banned for unknown transgressions.
They've been put outside the city walls of Hometown and the drawbridge has been pulled up!

When did GN begin? I've been here since 2012 and like others, no longer feel it's the site it used to be.

I agree GrannyGravy there are some posters who seem unable to express their point of view or give an opinion without being "aggressive or sweary".

I don't agree that you can't tell someone in your opinion, that they're behaviour maybe causing problems or to tell them what you perceive to be the truth. It's all about the delivery of the message.

You don't have to be a "sweet little old lady", you just need to be polite.

The term "bun fight" does seem to be a favourite of GNHQ but in my experience, threads only get deleted after several requests from GNHQ that the tone be more respectful and/or understanding, and those requests are ignored.

There was a post yesterday from a new poster, summarising her first impression of GN and TBH it wasn't exactly complementary so you can see why new members can be and sometimes are discouraged, and don't come back.

Jayt

Oh dear, I’m quite new to GN and I do hope I’m not one of the lunatics

This is what happens when threads like this hint darkly at 'some people' but never get to the point. It is really off-putting for those who aren't sure if they are the ones being talked about, and those who probably are in the line of fire either don't realise or don't care.

It reminds me a bit of my local FB group, in which every so often there are posts complaining about how Hometown is not how it used to be back in the day, and how 'newcomers' are changing things, and implying that this is for the worse.

What invariably follows is that some of the 'newcomers' object, saying that Hometown would be dead on its feet without them, that XYZ shops and ABC entertainment venues are only there because of the rise in population, or that it is their children and grandchildren who are ensuring that Hometown has a future. Others point out that some of the 'oldies' have only been here for three generations, so have no business complaining about newcomers, and huffs ensue.

Then, of course, people who have only lived here for a few years but have contributed to the town by doing voluntary work or whatever are miffed, and start complaining about indigenous residents who give nothing back, and round and round it goes.

There is often a flounce or two, a lot of snide comments, passive aggression, and people get involved by posting that they never get involved in things like this, and then it all settles down until the next time.

Well I hope I’m not part of the problem as although I’m not new I certainly wasn’t here at the beginning.

I took Gransnet to be a mixed bag, as life is, of people I agree with on the whole, and people I don’t, of kind people and nasty ones, of givers and takers.

I just hope, that although I generally know my own mind, that I am not part of the problem.

If I am, apologies.

In the early days of Gransnet, some of the deleted posts were so scattergun they could make a thread look like bomb craters on a battlefield.

Nowadays you can predict which posts will hit the deck as soon as they appear just as you can predict the posse posters who will ride to the defence.

It's just because we've been around for a long time now. Many of the original members are no longer with us for various reasons and newer members tend to hit the ground running which can ruffle feathers.

Just like real life.

Oh dear, I’m quite new to GN and I do hope I’m not one of the lunatics

Its so good to see your name absent your comments & posts have been missed I to joined when you did at the time coming on to GN was one of the first things I did every day to catch up but not now,very few threads interest me to be honest.
Bikergran we had some good posts when off on our trips to Pendle Hill etc it added some light entertainment to the conversations something that a lot of people would not find amusing now I think.

suziewoozie I sense an underlying aggression in all your posts. I have found as I have got older I am much more easygoing.
Did it really matter whether it was Callistemon's opinion or her DH's?