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Perfect Children?

(97 Posts)
Missfoodlove Tue 13-Oct-20 23:33:53

I’ve been thinking today of all the angst my 3 children have put me through,
the unsuitable boyfriends ( twice her age... she was 16😩)
School suspension for foul language in public, found asleep and inebriated in a laundry crate at school,taking my car on a jolly around our local market town without a driving license!
Dropping out of university, caught fare dodging on British Rail and many other misdemeanours.

At the time they were all earth shattering and caused us many sleepless nights.

Thankfully they are all now happy,caring and responsible adults with great careers.

At the time we would confide in close friends regarding these matters and only once has one of those friends told us of their child behaving badly.

Are our children horrors or do parents just never admit that their offspring are not perfect?

Hetty58 Tue 13-Oct-20 23:39:55

Missfoodlove, it all sounds pretty average to me.

They have to learn by their own mistakes - and yes, parents will sing their praises but are reluctant to admit they're not perfect. Humans never are!

OceanMama Tue 13-Oct-20 23:44:23

Of my six only one gave me any trouble in the teen/young adult years. She gave me enough trouble for the lot of them though.

Marydoll Tue 13-Oct-20 23:47:01

Missfoodlove, I have a friend like that, but not only are her children perfect, but also husband and her grandchildren. I eventually got to the point, where I never confided in her about any of my children's misdemeanours.

None of us have perfect children, nor perfect families. There would be something wrong if we did, but it doesn't stop us loving them.
In fact at the moment, one of my sons is totally imperfect! 😡

Marydoll Tue 13-Oct-20 23:47:35

..but I still love him!

Hetty58 Tue 13-Oct-20 23:58:27

We used to have neighbours who were always smartly turned out, polite, quiet and happy. In fact, they always smiled - including their children.

We were very suspicious of them and wondered what on Earth went on in their house, behind closed doors. They were just unnatural!

Pantglas2 Wed 14-Oct-20 06:36:09

I’ve often wondered why I expected my daughter to be perfect given what her mother got up to......😉

MellowYellow Wed 14-Oct-20 07:02:11

My blind daughter was chucked out of a pub for being very drunk aged 16. All credit to the landlady for not being soft on her (don't worry, she was dragged home by friends). My son and his friend, again aged 16, stripped off on New Year's Eve near our house and ran down the hill totally starkers into the middle of town and collided with a pair of policemen. Who knows what other misdemeanours they hid from us but they've turned into lovely adults/parents.

DillytheGardener Wed 14-Oct-20 07:21:12

My two, the younger is a mummy’s boy and is very careful and cautious and the elder was a bit of a hell raiser up until he met his wife. Now he is such a responsible father and family man. Never would have seen that coming after the sleepless nights he put me through.

My friends and I were all very honest about the trials we went through with our children, I’m deeply distrustful of people who maintain a facade of perfection, bit too stepford wives for me.

downtoearth Wed 14-Oct-20 07:23:52

Missfooodlove you could have been writing about my daughter, she too had the older man at 17,he was 40,and she ran away to live in his squat.
The next one was my grandaughters father,she became pregnant at 18 by him,he abused her for the rest of her life, and took her own life because of him at 23,I have bought E up,she is now 21,she has had her moments but nowhere near as wild as K.
My son was into raves and the party,scene,although a respectably grown up father now.

My friends 3 all married well,made money and never put a foot wrong,I still get glowing reports of them,oh and the grandchildren are perfect too

Grandma70s Wed 14-Oct-20 07:26:43

I have two sons. Only one of them gave me any trouble, and even then I suspect I didn’t know the half of it. A lot of the trouble was when he was away at university, and he almost got sent down for nearly setting on fire a historic medieval college - neglect of candle too near to curtains. He has turned out absolutely fine.

Luckily my best friend also had an imperfect child, who at the age of 14 took his little brother, age 9, for a nocturnal jaunt in the family car. He was arrested and brought home by two policemen, but got away with a caution. He also has turned out fine.

fevertree Wed 14-Oct-20 07:26:59

My friend has a saying for people who only have perfect children: All their geese are swans.

My daughter has never given us a day's trouble. My son on the other hand had a few wobbles growing up.

As adults, daughter is happily married, son - not so much. So still I worry about him!

dragonfly46 Wed 14-Oct-20 07:27:52

My friends always had perfect children whereas mine had adventures 😂!

DillytheGardener Wed 14-Oct-20 07:29:11

(Disclaimer) laughing with you and not at you ladies, but the stories of your hell raisers made me laugh, and bought back memories of my son returned home passed out drunk in a golf cart aged 14, the golf cart was in the possession one of his friends father’s who had brought it home to repair it, and it was the only thing they could legally drive in.

DillytheGardener Wed 14-Oct-20 07:30:51

Downtoearth, sorry for your tragic loss flowers

M0nica Wed 14-Oct-20 07:34:36

Personally, I would hate to have children who were perfect, they would be such dull conformists.

TheFrugalPiggy Wed 14-Oct-20 07:45:05

Three sons here. Son Number 1 arrested for graffiti - think Banksy style. His Dad and I actually loved his work but he shouldn't have sprayed the white stripes of the new Zebra crossing outside his school! Apart from that the only other thing he did, that we know about, was smoking pot.

Son Number 2 - just very naughty at school but that's it.

Son Number 3 is now our daughter and went through a lot of emotional issues, but is in a much better place than she was several years ago.

Of course I am sure that a lot happened with all three of our children which we never found out about. I did lots that my folks never knew about.

Gingster Wed 14-Oct-20 07:57:03

I love that saying fevertree - and all her geese were swans.
I have very good, close friends who never tell the whole truth about their offspring. I, am one for telling it how it is but, not anymore. I have two sons and 1 daughter and she has been the most trouble to me.

Spangler Wed 14-Oct-20 08:36:53

fifty years ago, friends and family were putting my new wife and I under a lot of peer pressure. "You must have your babies now, while you are young and more able to cope."
Nobody shared the anecdotes that I have read in this thread.

The couple who maintain our garden once admitted that if they had waited ten years before they had their four, they might have only had one, and maybe not even one.

morethan2 Wed 14-Oct-20 08:50:38

All mine gave me a good bit of trouble and sleepless nights. I think I was down the police station with all three...nothing serious but upsetting. There were other issues too. Unplanned pregnancies ( the babies turn out to be real gifts) experimenting with drugs again nothing serious, but still illegal. I looked on with envy at my friends and family who had near perfect children. I cried many many tears often disapproved of their behaviour, questioned and blamed myself, but I stood by and supported all three. They’ve turned into throughly nice kind adults who appreciate and respect us. It was a hard road but worth it. I’m proud of them and love them and feel blessed that they in return love us.

Biscuitmuncher Wed 14-Oct-20 09:00:10

My children are very late teens, and early twenties and honestly I've never suffered with teenage angst. They've never given me any worries and I know we're pretty lucky

sodapop Wed 14-Oct-20 09:01:03

I really don't think there are many families who escaped the teenage angst whatever their parents might say. We certainly didn't with children and grandchildren. Once my daughters were respectable, hard working adults they sometimes let slip the things they got up to which I never found out about.

Downtoearth so sorry to hear what happened to your family. thanks

Grannybags Wed 14-Oct-20 09:07:17

I am the youngest of 5 and the one that gave my parents the most worry.

When I was a lot older I apologised to my Mum for being so horrible and causing her such angst. She said I wasn't horrible - just a teenager!

Missfoodlove Wed 14-Oct-20 09:48:07

MellowYellow.
You reminded me of another incident😬.
Son caught dancing naked in a fountain in public gardens.
Public order offence £80 fine.

Downtoearth. So sad but wonderful that you have been there for your granddaughter.

I’m feeling so much better hearing all your stories!!!
Please keep them coming😉

Saggi Wed 14-Oct-20 09:58:23

Yours sounds like my daughter.... although a little ‘watered down’. Brain the size of a house...11 o levels...5 A levels ( count them)..which she sailed through . University drop-out , and became a barmaid! Through it all I kept silent.... and let her ‘work it through’ . Then at 25 while sitting watching the World Cup on a big screen tv , in a pub of course she had a eureka moment!!! Next I heard she had got herself a job at her old school ( who still remembered her as highest attainer)... quite low down as LSA. Then fell in love with the ‘awkward’ kids ...got herself a university course( Sunday only) and worked doggedly for three solid years gaining her Masters...then her PHD.. in psychotherapy as well as having a husband and two kids . She has now become what she knew she would be all along .... an adolescent counsellor, she also gives lectures to schools , colleges...and any group that will listen to how to keep kids ‘bums on seats’ as she calls it, instead of expulsion!! She I paid handsomely for her hard earned knowledge....but the biggest fillip to her life...is that people come looking for her , and she has too much work in her hands. My son , in the meantime, was behaving himself beautifully ...never gave us a sleepless night. He is pleasant and kindly and also as clever as his sister.... but at 40 is an under achiever. Of course our kids are notperfect, would you want them to be...when I look at my two, I thank goodness they are as they are... flawed slightly.