Perfect Children?

Teenage Son purportedly staying over with a friend to study. Friend's parents allowed two 14 year olds to go to an all night club venue. They rang us at 5.00am because son couldnt stop being sick all over their bathroom!!! He had drunk an entire bottle of neat Malibu and bottles and bottles of beer. Cant say I had much sympathy re their bathroom though! Hmmm!

Of course our children are flawed just as we are ?? who loves perfection anyway

I have a friend like this who has perfect dc's. When telling her about my dc's minor misdemeanours she would say how hers would never do anything like that etc etc. She eventually had to admit to eldest doing something as knew it would get back to me and again when another one got caught breaking the law! Of course they were lead astray by their peers so it wasn't their fault. I'm glad I don't think mine are perfect that way I was never disappointed ?

Ooh this is like going to confession. We have four sons. Eldest never any bother, happily married, great father and successful career. Number two, difficult child, all treading on eggshells throughout teens, bad tempered but always generous and, being a tall lad, was the champion of the bullied and the underdog which often got him in to trouble, failed marriage but good dad and successful career, often troubled but not in trouble, also very artistic.
Number three, bundle of fun, no trouble, solid marriage, lovely dad, most thoughtful.
Number four, where do I start, wild child, often in trouble, twice brought the police to our door (embarrassing for policeman dad), minor drug offence, speeding fines galore, different girl every week even when married apparently. He is now the most respectable, successful, kind and generous man. A great dad and my go to son if I need an ear. Finally in a lovely relationship, one year and counting so holding my breath that he doesn’t screw up this one.
As for friends, most share their problems. Only one has perfect children, if only she knew what I know, perhaps she does, I won’t ask.

I am a daughter to a Mother who never believed I done anything right even though I have tried my hardest to always do right by her.

When someone tells me of their perfect life, perfect family and perfect children - I always wonder who they are trying to convince, me or themselves. As others have said, no-one is perfect, certainly not me!

Maggiemaybe

Well mine never gave me a moment’s worry. Simply because they were masters of subterfuge and I’d no idea what they were up to.

Love it Maggiemaybe so glad I didn't know some of it at the time.

PS. I now know that DS2, when aged about 16, held a proud record at the local sports club - for downing the fastest pint. He rarely drinks now and keeps a close eye on 15-year-old DS.

My sons were pretty wild when they were young ( teens and early 20s) and now one is a professor of orthopaedics and the other an investment banker. The teacher at school told me that if they ‘drop out’ when they are young they usually grow through that stage and come out the other side. Whereas if they drop out later eg in their 20 S there is much less chance!

I have four - two my own, two steps - and all have put us through the mill. I'd love to say they're all fully functioning adults now but only one comes close - and even last year I had to bail one of them out of a drunken scrape at vast expense. Ho hum, love them all though!

Well never had any problems with my two sons. The only time they broke my heart was when they both decided to emigrate.

LauraNorder

Ooh this is like going to confession. We have four sons. Eldest never any bother, happily married, great father and successful career. Number two, difficult child, all treading on eggshells throughout teens, bad tempered but always generous and, being a tall lad, was the champion of the bullied and the underdog which often got him in to trouble, failed marriage but good dad and successful career, often troubled but not in trouble, also very artistic.
Number three, bundle of fun, no trouble, solid marriage, lovely dad, most thoughtful.
Number four, where do I start, wild child, often in trouble, twice brought the police to our door (embarrassing for policeman dad), minor drug offence, speeding fines galore, different girl every week even when married apparently. He is now the most respectable, successful, kind and generous man. A great dad and my go to son if I need an ear. Finally in a lovely relationship, one year and counting so holding my breath that he doesn’t screw up this one.
As for friends, most share their problems. Only one has perfect children, if only she knew what I know, perhaps she does, I won’t ask.

I love your wonderful and honest description of all your boys. Especially son number 2 as “champion of the bullied.”

I have 2 young sons and I’m excited, yet terrified, to see what their teenage years bring!

I am still finding out some the of the naughty things my children (now all in their late forties/early fifties got up to. Like my daughter hiding in the large walk in wardrobe during her GCSE years (and I was a stay at home Mum). I assumed noises I heard from upstairs was just my son on study leave for A levels. And, the fact that my son, once he had his driving licence and was included in my car insurance, was taking his sister out for drives at night (after I was in bed) around the area AND dumping free newspapers they got paid to deliver.

One child disappeared off on eve of A levels,
- they had been truanting a lot and ran away to go to brother at Uni so they could not take these.

I thought my kids were pretty perfect, and have been disillusioned over past years - BUT - they have all turned out to be pretty perfect adults.

You can't know how relieved I am to read this wonderful thread! I honestly thought I had made a right hash of raising my DD, she is volatile, easy to take offence and when she is here it is like walking on egg shells, but to everyone else she is a delight, so I assume it is me that is in the wrong. DS took a while to pull his very intelligent finger out, and now that he has, he is doing extremely well in a surprising career choice, we were convinced he would stay working as a part time barman for ever. I have a dear friend who has had years of sleepless nights with her eldest DD, now a wonderful adult. They don't tell you about all this at NCT classes do they?

I never believed all these friends and work colleagues with 'perfect' children.

Oh, I so miss my best friend. We ha our large families more or les together, and knew things about each others children,as they grew up, that even their dads did not!!

When they all became adults and then when both she and I went on to led single lives again (she through became a widow and me through divorce), we could phone each other and moan away about our children, in a way we could never to talk about them to anyone else.

Sadly, she died some ten years ago, and even now there are occasions when I just want to have a long chat on the phone to her about the kids!!!

It sounds like you had a lovely friendship Franbern.
I imagine I was seen as a perfect child, my parents hadnt a clue what I was up to. I was a very good liar

Modern couples are responsible enough to know that the world is overpopulated by humans.
They limit their children to one or better still, none at all.

I'm sure my mother revelled Inthe worry I put her through with unsuitable (in her eyes) older partners one 14years older and now one 20 years older -my husband She reckoned it was a bad idea as I'd be widowed young Mother was married to my younger father and was widowed at50 anyway !

Well my daughter has just had a Court otder made against me. After looking after her when she had Post Natal Depression, and then looking after her little girl, my Grandaughter for the past 9 years
Apparently, l have been talking to her about "adult Issues" absolutely not !
My daughter lied a lied in Court. It shocked me so much, l don't think l defended myself very well.
Am utterly destroyed. I think that my Grandaughter will be suffering also.
CAFCASS really are not fit for purpose.
So very sad.
I am not finished yet !

The only Parents who think their children are perfect are surely perfect themselves (because they bought them up)!

Mine were never going to go by the book and they let me know early on. To start with it was scares with croup, convulsions: followed by tantrums which I couldn't handle and disappearing.
I once had all the neighbours out searching wasteland and ponds for #2 son, always the adventurer, who was brought home aged less than 3 from the primary school across a busy road. I had thought he was asleep in bed.

I had a call from a shopkeeper once (same child) who had asked him how he had £5 to spend on sweets for all his schoolfriends. He was 4 and a half. He had taken it from my purse.
Same son, after years of hitchhiking around Europe with all the "adventures" associated with that, finally settled down with a great girl but they emigrated to NZ and he has his own family now.
The other 3 worried us on occasions too. DD carried home unconscious after being plied with drink, DS expelled as summer camp leader for going to the pub with a 15yr old.
I think there was a lot I never knew about.

However I congratulate myself that they all grew up and now all have DC of their own who will no doubt cause them worry.
Now that DH is very poorly, all the DC are rallying round. so yes they are pretty perfect

angiemary64 that is so sad to hear. I am sure your DGD will need you in future. Try not to lose faith in the love you have for each other

I detest the phrase ‘let them be young while they can’ usually said by people with the most ill-behaved and undisciplined youngsters.

Pantglas2

I’ve often wondered why I expected my daughter to be perfect given what her mother got up to......?

? Same here....