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My friend is a right wing racist

(117 Posts)
Newatthis Thu 29-Oct-20 17:15:21

I have a friend who I have known since school, who now lives in the USA. We lost touch for many years but met a few years ago on a school reunion (she came back to the UK). I have kept in touch with her since then. However, over the past few years it has become more and more apparent that she is a very right wing racist and her values and political views are so different to mine. When I speak to her, more than not the conversation goes to the USA present political situation even though I try to keep the conversation non-political and steer clear (she worships Donald Trump - and I mean worship) and although it is 'each to their own' and every one has a right to their views I find that I really don't want to be friends with her anymore or enter into these conversations with her. She calls through What's App and if I ignore the calls I get bombarded until I answer. I have tried to tell her but it is falling on deaf ears.

M0nica Fri 30-Oct-20 09:00:41

Is she really a friend? You lost touch for years and then she reappears.

I would just tell her kindly and politely that while it was nice to hear from her, over the years you have not been in contact, you have both changed so much that you now have little in common and you wish her well, but do not wish to continue to be in contact.

If that doesn't do the deed, block her online and on the phone. She will get the message eventually.

suziewoozie Fri 30-Oct-20 09:29:44

I think we should be more selective about how we use the word friend. To me it implies an ongoing reciprocal relationship of some weight and import in my life. No one I describe as a friend is a racist or has racist views.

Pantglas2 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:39:06

I had a work colleague I stayed friends with for years after I’d moved to another country - she was to the far left and very anti Semitic. I chose not to pick up again when I returned to Wales.

Politics is one thing I don’t feel the need to approve of in my friends but racism is a step too far, whichever direction it comes from.

Lolo81 Fri 30-Oct-20 09:54:27

Personally I’d be able to ignore the right wing political views, however not the racism. If this “friend” is being openly racist in conversation I’m afraid I’d feel an obligation to challenge that, otherwise i’d feel complicit.
It’s up to you and your own conscience what you can tolerate and to determine whether “friend” is merely a dedicated Republican or a bigot. If it’s the latter I wouldn’t be able to continue a friendship.

Awesomegranny Fri 30-Oct-20 10:03:29

You need to be straight with her and tell her politics isn’t something you enjoy talking about.If she values your friendship then hopefully she would understand, but if she ignores your wishes then I’m afraid your friendship needs to end.

Lulu16 Fri 30-Oct-20 10:05:43

Yes I had a major fall out with a friend over her views.
I have friends that have completely different political views to me and that is fine.
BUT when this particular friend crossed the line and made me feel very uncomfortable, I just had to leave. It was in the middle of a meal with other friends, so I explained my reasons and departed.

Codyodo Fri 30-Oct-20 10:09:31

I have several friends in the US who have varying political views. One couple in Florida are Trumpers and I have to say I have been avoiding video calling, in the present situation as I would like to stay friends. She has never said anything racist she is just a lifelong Republican. I do wonder if they even see what we see. I agree with the others I can forgive ‘Trump’ but never racism .

Dibbydod Fri 30-Oct-20 10:12:57

As you are both on WhatsApp you can send her a message explaining how you feel , tell her straight that if she wants to keep in touch with you she must not talk about politics and all that goes with it as you are not interested, make it clear that if she does then , sorry , but you’ll have to end your friendship. Then at least she will have the choice wether to remain friends or not .

Davida1968 Fri 30-Oct-20 10:13:25

Newatthis, do you want to keep this person as a friend (keeping her racism/views out of your relationship) or do you want to end your friendship? It seems to me that this needs clarifying in order for GNs to offer advice.

Nicegranny Fri 30-Oct-20 10:17:15

I completely agree with you!

chickkygran Fri 30-Oct-20 10:18:17

Delete her phone number from your mobile, she can’t then contact you via WhatsApp. Mobile phones these days!!

LynneH Fri 30-Oct-20 10:20:00

You can block calls from individuals, and I suggest you do so to avoid further distress

Camelotclub Fri 30-Oct-20 10:20:32

Well, anyone who worships Donald Trump...........

My friend's husband surprised me last Xmas when he said he admired DT. I think very differently of him now.

SusieFlo Fri 30-Oct-20 10:25:18

Delete her from WhasApp?

red1 Fri 30-Oct-20 10:28:33

friends are people who make us feel full and at ease, you can have friendly debates,she sounds on a different planet.I think if we are to progress as a species we have to drop racism etc , she is draining you, get rid. she is not worthy of your friendship

autumnsun Fri 30-Oct-20 10:28:33

Even if she stopped talking about politics do you still want to be friends with a racist that's the question

Nicegranny Fri 30-Oct-20 10:30:34

I had a black best friend from age 15. She was also my daughters godmother when we grew up. Sadly she has passed away 15 years ago. I’m 64 now so we had been friends for many years. My partner at the time introduced a white Dutch South African man into our circle. The day he told me whilst in our home that if my black friend came into our house and he was there he would have to walk out! So l politely told him that she had been a life long friend and that he would never get the chance to insult her and that l would like him to leave right there and then! He tried to come back but my mind was made up and I never had him in my home again.

ToadsMum Fri 30-Oct-20 10:34:52

Hi. You can block the contact, albeit temporarily until after the election If he is re elected then you can leave her blocked or if he loses then give it a month or so, unblock her. She if she calls then. Possibly send her a Christmas card in a neutral vein.
Basically take control and have the level of friendship you are BOTH comfortable with.

Phloembundle Fri 30-Oct-20 10:40:35

Same as Welbeck.

Daisend1 Fri 30-Oct-20 10:41:15

Why continue with this online friendship ?would you continue eating the same food if it disagreed /upset your digestion ?

Kartush Fri 30-Oct-20 10:43:03

Is there not some way you can block her on whatsap

GrannyMosh Fri 30-Oct-20 10:44:12

Nothing about this person is ok. WhatsApp has a block function. Send her one last very clear message telling her you wish to have no further contact, then block and heave a huge sigh of relief. x

Rhinestone Fri 30-Oct-20 10:45:31

This isn’t the typical president. And this is the first time ever I had to let a friend go because of politics. She screamed at me in a restaurant last year and told me to stop watching this certain program and watch the one she watches which is extreme right wing laced with conspiracy theories. What this president has done with his bullying, lying and narcissistic ways are dangerous to our country and the world. If you like Trump you like all of him. You can’t pick and choose . I had to tell her that I didn’t like how she treated me when we last met. And that it was unacceptable . I told her I didn’t understand how she could dismiss bad behavior and I have to question those that love Trump. I never heard from her again and I’m okay with that.
I may not have liked other presidents for whatever reason but no other president has been this disgusting and immoral.
Do not feel bad letting her go. Sometimes we have to move on . Good luck.

lizzypopbottle Fri 30-Oct-20 10:46:36

If you can't persuade her to keep away from contentious issues you have the option to block her number if you're using a smart phone. It's very easy. Let her call go unanswered then press the little 'block' icon. Or go to your 'recent' calls, press hers and use the block icon, it's a circle with a line through it. She won't know you've blocked her calls. BT or other land line provider also do a call blocking service and you can nominate her number. If you change your mind it's easy enough to unblock.

specki4eyes Fri 30-Oct-20 10:46:58

I have just cut a tie with someone whos only occupation is to find fault with mutual friends. She tried to get me to dislike all of these people and called relentlessly, sometimes 3 times a day, to spout her venom. She picked on my decisions, particularly if they were linked to said friends. Her phone calls went on for the best part of an hour, even when I tried gently to conclude them. She has locked herself down and has no occupation other than to follow political podcasts. Her husband does EVERYTHING, shopping, cooking, administration, her house is uncared for. And she complains about him too! So I emailed her to say "connection terminated" firmly explaining my reasons. She is now sulking and, I hear, criticising me to her newly found listener.
This was not friendship, it was bullying. I have lost nothing.