Birthdays

If you love him, why worry? He loves birthdays so let him enjoy them. If he really wants to get you something, then he is going to get it wrong if you don't suggest something. Flowers are always lovely to receive. Life is short. One day you may look back on these days with nostalgia.

I asked my (now ex) husband to not buy me "stuff", I have a house full of stuff - instead go somewhere, do something, make a memory. Although of course current situation makes that a bit tricky ...

I don't know what tier you are in but there are some places open - I learned today that London Zoo is open, Whipsnade Zoo too, some National Trust properties are open - you have a daughter, you & your partner both have Jan birthdays - how about a simple day out as a family. Picnic, flask, etc.

Regift him the book he gave you and make a donation to charity in his name.

I think there’s a communication problem here. I would give him the book he gave you at Xmas and say why ie it’s not a book you want to read but you know it’s one he wants..I would say that it is his birthday present and that ‘x’ is what you would like from him for your birthday. If he doesn’t give it, buy it for yourself ...and birthday or not, when you open your present, tell him it’s not what you want )if it isn’t. It will be hurtful, will ruin the day, but I don’t think he will do it again, If he ‘throws his toys out of the pram ’ so be it. If a,l of this sounds ridiculous, it’s because it probably is! Resolve it now....if you really want to

EllanVannin I laughed out loud at that! Brilliant!!

Genty that made me chuckle!

For a man who has everything, how about a shot of penicillin ?

Why bother when he doesn't bother. Let him throw the toys...just don't pick them up. You are just pandering to him.

Sounds all very silly to me

Give him an empty box and tell him it`s an Action Man deserter,being that you act like a child i will treat you like one.

A lot of judgement going on this morning. Every story has two sides. That is all I'm saying.

Genty .... love it ! Brilliant suggestion.
And as RosieJ says, you are enabling this infantile behaviour. How selfish to give gifts that he actually wants anyway. He is not respecting you at all.
Halt the farce now and if he starts stropping, get your phone out and film him !
With all the other heartbreak going on in this world at present you should not be having to deal with this.

It sounds sensible on his part to get you something he wants (the book); if you can't come up with options as to what you may like; although don't understand why he won't accept the charity donation in lieu of a present. Likewise, if he can't tell you what he wants, then it is his responsibility if he ends up with nothing or something that you want! What about an IOU for a meal out when covid restrictions reduce? Or luxury food that you know he likes. If all else fails put what you would have spent in an envelope for him to choose at his leisure.

Ask for money then donate to charity. With lockdowns tell he has to give you the answer to what he wants now or he will get nothing. Sorted.

You are enabling this childish selfish behaviour. What’s stopping you buying yourself something or making a donation for your birthday .
He sounds like a spoiled uncaring brat. Why does he continue to do this year after year when he knows how it upsets you !?
Has he no love and respect for you ?
Do something that makes you happy ....... as we see from recent events all around us ....... life’s too short to put up with such nonsense.

You say his gifts to you are what he wants, so the ideal gift for him would be what you want - a charity donation made in his name (or yours!).

I think you are giving in to him for a quiet life not good for you. I would buy him a book by the same author he bought me. Tell him read or donate to charity shop I don`t care strop all you want .

Oh dear! Sounds like a petulant child!
Is he just like this at birthdays?
I reckon it’s 30 years since my husband and I formally exchanged birthday or Christmas gifts. We both agreed that mostly, it was a waste of effort trying to find something for no real reason. Neither of us really needs anything.
What we do now is suggest treats to each other that we can both enjoy - new books, a DVD, a big bunch of seasonal flowers, afternoon tea, a weekend away, a new item of clothing each. We share these at a time close to each occasion. My husband said recently that it was the best decision we could have made. No pressure, no unwanted or unused gifts, just a treat to anticipate.
I know this would not work for everyone, but I love it.

You are lucky he wants to get you something. If I was you I would ask for something he wouldn’t want like a spa day, a bit of pampering is always great or even afternoon tea out. I would love to be spoilt as living with someone who hates Christmas and birthdays so never get anything.

Wrap up the book he gave you and present he gave daughter as he wanted them so much

That is a good idea Daddima - shouldn't be too hard for your OH Razzy as he seems to do it already!
Or you and your DD could just wrap up what he gave you and give it to him, saying " saw this and I knew it was something you'd like"!
Or just give him something that you would like in return !

Some of these suggestions are very negative and likely to cause problems in a marriage.

I think you should just say thank you, and put the book on your bookshelf along with the others.

Give him an empty box and stick a label on it saying ' To the man who has everything, heres a box to keep it all in'

Do what Daddima says... great idea!!!!

Sounds a very strange relationship, with a D(?)H who behaves like this. passive aggression. Wht else does he do?