The Argy Bargy Bar is back!

Am a bit long in the tooth for the action behind the cockle sheds ( what with my back) but am still a sensation on the dance floor when Abba comes on...

Great, Lemongrove, you can show is the best dives round here - I’m bringing Jack the Lad the cockle King, he’s rather gorgeous if you don’t mind the smell of vinegar, and has promised us all the cockles we can eat.

Reggie has just asked me to hold his little stick of Southend rock! What a cheek....am already carrying: large handbag, umbrella, a pint of whelks and a large voddy.

You all look gorgeous by the way, the men here are in for a surprise when they clap eyes on you all, AGA has already pulled I see.

Is a dicky ticker like a metronome Lemon? Does it encourage rhythmic action?

For certain, you'll blend in with Friday night clientele?

Cum on ixion we’re missing out. The others are already partying. Dry yourself off on the llamas and let’s get pulling
?. Oh hello sailor ?

Oh, we don’t bother with the rhythm method these days Doodle

Happyme is being waltzed by a David Essex lookalike. It won’t end well, I saw how many ice creams she ate, followed by a whelk chaser.

AGA I can see your bloomers as you whirl round on that dogem. Good job you’re wearing some tonight.

grandmajet has just got in a taxi to Shoeburyness, says she is on a promise with a soldier she used to know!
Who’s going to tell her that the barracks has long gone ( much like the soldier.)Still, am sure there’s still a pub there somewhere, so she’ll be fine.

Dodgems Dan has offered me his cornet but too much for me after all the jellied eels.

Do you like my eyebrows? I bought some thick stick on ones
( yes, I know how to blend in) and am not wearing any tights with my hot pants ( my high heels are rubbing a bit.)

Never turn down a man’s cornet AGA ....sure to hurt his feelings.

Ready now, Doodle to hit the ground running.
Think we smell a bit , er, dodgy. Reckon we came to land rather close to the sewage outfall pipe.
Not to worry - the aroma of sweat, testosterone and Brut from the heaving masses on the prom will mask anything.
I'm off to the chip shop. Taking advantage of being dahn sarf and looking for a huge juicy saveloy.

Well, that was a wild goose chase, I’m sure he was there last time I was here.......about 30 years ago.
Now where’s my cockle man?
Is that you under the monobrow Lemongrove! One of your eyebrows appears to be on your upper lip...... or have you forgotten to wax!

lemon I’m not surprised your heels are rubbing. Why have you got your shoes stuffed in the back of your hot pants ? ?

Because I was going for a paddle Doodle ( until I saw the tide was in.)?
Oops, yes these brows keep falling off.

ixion brilliant idea. We’ll douse ourselves with vinegar to mask the smell of the sewage.
Don’t worry about lemon grandmajet she’s just recycling the moustache she wore on our pantomime night...... either that or it’s a dead slug. ?

Gracious ixion who’s that you’ve got trailing along behind you and why are you holding his saveloy. ?

Ixion a huge juicy saveloy. Can I come with you? I've only been offered a soggy cornet

Mine's no good.
He won't even let me slather his saveloy with ketchup.
C'mon AGA. You try - see if yours will let you cover his in mustard.

Doodle that's a very exotic perfume you have on. Essence of Llama maybe?

Showed him the mustard and he ran off. Wimp!

Forget the sausages, let’s go on the Big Dipper. Wheeee......?