Being patronising or maybe not ?

Sara1954

I spend a lot of time on the phone, and have been called all sorts, it depends largely on who it’s coming from. I don’t object to a sweet old Yorkshireman calling me sweetheart, but not a mouthy know all southerner. I hate being called mate, but yesterday, I think I hit a new low. Someone on the phone asked me to pass on a message to one of my colleagues, and said, don’t forget will you, there’s a good girl!
Unbelievable!

What's the difference between sweet & old and mouthy?

Is it just geography, Yorkshire v 'the South'

I think its nice being called duck sug, hun etc, its funny and if its said in a friendly manner than what does it matter, at the moment weve all got more serious worrys to fret over.

I've noticed it happening much more as I've got older. I also get 'bless you' a lot, now, which I don't like, seems very patronising.

Ooh yes, being called ‘guys’ when out with my husband is my pet peeve. When I ‘m not being a grumpy old woman, I do appreciate that the (usually young) server is trying to be friendly and I don’t really want to be addressed as Madam either! ?

I object to being called Babe always reminds me of certain piglet and i refuse to answer to it

Sticks and stones etc ? I’m afraid I’m one of the guilty ones, everyone gets called ‘luv’ delivery people, dustmen, the very few people I see now!
Bye luvs.....

Having lived around the country I have been 'Me duck", "Man", even though I am a woman, Pet and flower. I've been asked if I am a marra or an assa marra [meaning I say old chap] and never really minded. Though I do not like 20 odd-year-old Dr's, dentists or hairdressers using my first name unless I have been asked if they can. I don't know why but it irritates.
The other thing that irritates is when letters or cards are addressed to Mrs P ........ my husbands initials it is just too old fashioned.
Anything is better than one part of the country which referred to colleagues and myself as "You Arsie lot", inclusive but not really warming and certainly not something I would use myself especially as it was also used if they thought you were being awkward even shop assistants.

I'm happy to be called anything polite and don't feel irritated by being called by a pleasant soubriquet. Slightly irritated, however, by Sarah1954's comment which implied mouthy know all's were restricted to the south. I am sure they can be found in all parts of the country, even, possibly, in Yorkshire!

In my neck of the woods, you knew you were a grown-up when random strangers stopped addressing you as "Hen" and stated to refer to you as "Misses'.

I hate, when with a group of women, someone refers to us as "girls". However if someone calls us "Lassies" or individually "lass" I am happy with that

I’m a bit with you OP. ‘Dear’ is patronising. I wouldn’t dream of using it especially to older friends. I have one who made this very clear and I saw her point. You are no longer an equal. I don’t think the other slang endearments have quite that tone more misapplied intimacy which can be ok. In the market here everyone is ‘love’. Male female young old. I think ‘m’dear’ or ‘my dear’ is more affectionate. And of course it is the tone in which it is said. ( affectionate or patronising or careless).
After moving up here I had not realised that I occasionally tagged ‘love’ to end to husband children .. close friends... Then one day my German friend said she thought it was very funny and why did I do it. How embarrassing it had become a speech habit I had picked up.

I think these terms are meant in an endearing way but it grates sometimes, if I think it doesn’t fit. My hairdresser says ‘my darling’ and well....I’m just not a darling!?

Puzzler61

The one I find irritating is when I am with a group of ladies and someone (e.g. in a restaurant) calls us “you guys”. It is clear we are not guys!
?

...and me!

Well I can see I’ve ruffled a lot of feathers, and apologies if I’ve offended anyone, it wasn’t my intention.
I’m probably not explaining myself very well, but being called love or pet, or darling by a northerner, seems natural and wholly inoffensive,
Being addressed as sweetheart, or darling in a patronising way, does in my experience seem to be more of a southern thing, but before you all jump on me again, I’m not tarring you all ( myself included, being a southerner) with the same brush

On a slightly different note, when I was a supply teacher and didn’t know the children’s names the girls were sunshine and the boys monkey. No one ever objected but I’m sure they would these days!
I personally can’t get away with hun!

A friend of mine never uses first names but terms of endearment instead. She's admitted she does it because she cannot remember names.

Yes it’s annoying when people do this, but it’s often a regional habit and not meant as a term of endearment, just as bad as Saying “have a nice day” or “how are you?”when people really don’t give a toss

Don’t take enough notice for it to bother me.

" when I was a supply teacher and didn’t know the children’s names the girls were sunshine and the boys monkey" That is truly sexist to label girls as if they were incapable of being monkeys.

Here in Germany the problem doesn't arise. You are Frau xxx until agreed otherwise. In fact some people say their mother warned them against people who used first names too readily.

I am having trouble trying to think of a term of endearment similar to those listed here.

Anyway, it doesn't bother me much. Workmen and homeless people may address me with the familiar form "du" but that seems quite natural and I don't take offence. I don't use it for them, though.

I hate the ‘hun’ (too sickly) and ‘dear’ (always feels like a put down) but here in Yorkshire ‘love’ is standard for men and women. I lived over the border in Derbyshire for a while and their ‘me duck’ took a while to get used to.

Doesn't bother me at all.

I hate it and will correct people who do it.

When an older friend feels patronised this way she smiles warmly and says ‘thank you but I’m retired, not retarded!’

As a Yorkshire Lass I use love without thinking, in Somerset I found I was often addressed as "my lovely", now I live in Devon it's usually "my lovely", "my lover", "maid" which isn't just used to girls & young women. Hun doesn't bother me at all but "you guys" makes my hackles rise. A friend calls everybody "sweetie" . As long as it's meant in a friendly way I don't even notice.

I too dislike people using my first forename as I use my middle name (always have done), I prefer Mrs on first meeting, I do however forgive Health Professionals as they look at you official name but if I see them frequently I do say I prefer to be called L**

I like it, although it does make me realise that the person considers me old. 70 soon so I guess I am!