Lost son-in-law

I would definitely get in touch with him. Why not send an Easter card with a letter in something along the lines "It has been difficult to keep in touch but time has moved on now" and say he would always be welcome to contact you and say you are sorry for the break up and wish him well.

We have been in constant touch with our ex SIL as there are the 2 GCs in their family, but his new partner isn’t happy about it and for the first time we didn’t receive a Christmas Card or a phone call from him, however his mother is still in close contact with my DD and with us.
It’s sad, but he led my DD a merry dance so maybe it’s for the best if he doesn’t want any contact with us.

Exactly the same happened to me 5 yrs ago. DD was no longer in love with SiL so he agreed to move out. He was devastated. No children involved. I keep in touch with SiL by email 3-4 times a year. First few emails were about us both explaining how we felt. Now we just let each other know how we are and a bit of chit chat. DD and he also email very occasionally. If he and I met face to face we know we would both cry. Thank goodness for emails.

Follow up to my previous post. Yes do get in touch with him, My SiL was really pleased that I did just that. He was relieved to know that I was aware it wasn’t his choice. Even if you only send him one email, you will feel better for it and so will he.

I’m so sorry, the first time (apart from the lovely good morning thread), where I have skipped straight to the end with my opinion.
I see that your daughter is happy for you to contact your son-in-law. How lovely for you all. Go for it and good luck.

As it has been more than a year I feel it seems a bit of an odd thing to do now, he may have a new partner who might resent his past coming back or he may have just got over the breakup and contact would bring it to the fore again.

I understand your need but his feelings are more important being the wronged party.

As you've updated us that your DD is happy for you to contact him I think wildswan16 has it exactly right, low key and a nice tone. Then he can decide what he wants to do without feeling pressured.

I would definitely contact him. My MiL and I stayed in contact after my husband and I separated( after 5 years of marriage) and subsequently divorced. We spoke regularly on the phone and I would visit her too, we always exchanged b/day & Christmas cards and I always wrote in to Mum P, which is what I called her from getting married. Sadly she passed away at the beginning of last year, by then into her 90's she had been part of my life since 1979, I have some lovely memories of her and think about her often.

I was outraged to hear from my mother that my divorced husband had phoned my parents who invited him and his new girlfriend to tea!

They didn't get it when I furious, told them how sly and disloyal I felt they had been, and my mother actually said "but we didn't divorce him".

They were too naive to see he had just come to flaunt the new woman, knowing it would get back to me.

My dad said "she looked very like you".
After this, relations with my parents were very frosty, as I told them I didn't feel I could trust them, after acting behind my back like that, and after all, they should be on my side!

They didn't even approve of him, and often implied I'd married beneath me.

Sigh! Hate this. Have had 2 children who decided to end their marriages. Loved our In-law kids; neither of them wanted it. They weren't perfect, but nor were our children. Much to our children's consternation, we remained very close with In-law kids. There were grandchildren involved in both cases, and I had to firmly tell one child not to ask me to make a choice because they wouldn't like the outcome. The grandkids were the victims, their ex-spouses were always good to us, and we would not be dictated to because they changed their minds. We said the grandkids had to come first as they were in no way at fault. As an aside, both went on to others rather quickly, married them, then got divorced again. ? They should change the vows to "til boredom do us part".

instagran

I was outraged to hear from my mother that my divorced husband had phoned my parents who invited him and his new girlfriend to tea!

They didn't get it when I furious, told them how sly and disloyal I felt they had been, and my mother actually said "but we didn't divorce him".

They were too naive to see he had just come to flaunt the new woman, knowing it would get back to me.

My dad said "she looked very like you".
After this, relations with my parents were very frosty, as I told them I didn't feel I could trust them, after acting behind my back like that, and after all, they should be on my side!

They didn't even approve of him, and often implied I'd married beneath me.

Just because you divorced your husband why should your parents have to stop any relationship with him? As your mother said to you that they hadn't divorced him. They are adults and have a choice in this matter, as you had a choice whether to divorce him or not.

I can only say I don’t know how I would have manage without my ex parents in law. They supported my baby daughter and me with love and even later to my ex father in law leaving a little sum of money in his will for his own granddaughter as well as his ‘step’ granddaughter.