The Argy Bar and Tea Room

AGA we are doing really well. Soon have enough for the Wellness Spa.
ixion and Brook have you found any staff for the spa yet?

I have dug out my stiffgit for 25 yard swimming c. 1959. I feel that would give me licence to oversee the hot tub.
Don't fancy the massage bit - too much flesh.

Oooh yes a hot tub. I fancy a dip in one of those. You will make a perfect lifeguard with your swimming stiffgit. Ask Pants if you need help mounting it ?

Right, I’m over my disappointment now, and ready to throw myself into the Spa, massage is my speciality. I have very flexible fingers.
ixion, you’ll need a net to fish the random bits and pieces out of the hot tub - you never know what you’ll find in there.

Plans coming along nicely - I've been busy?.

I've had a word an in-depth interview with Sherree and Tanya from Pampered Pooches at the up-market end of The Alley. They can be the Spa's manicurists and pedicurists.

Muscles (Malone) from the car repair shop has asked to be in charge of the spray tan booth. He has all the equipment from his body respray business and a sharp eye for blemishes and imperfections needing covering up. Aha - maybe we could offer lemon a pre-wedding Gift Voucher??

What sort of 'bits and pieces' Gjet??

Delighted you are our new masseuse.

What other positions do we currently have on offer?

We need someone with impossibly long nails for reception - that seems to be the only requirement for that post.
I can offer seaweed wraps in my massage booth. You can get it by the bucketful down at the docks.
Also a mud bath - the clients could wallow in the llama pond, then we could jet wash them with the Admiral’s kink resistant hose.

May Hem has extremely long nails and she is out of prison now. Dug herself out with those nails.

May Hem will be perfect as our receptionist AGA she won’t put up with any nonsense.
Ixion what a brilliant idea about Muscles Malone. I quite fancy an all over tan. Please make sure he cleans his nozzles first. I don’t want to come out purple like the last car be sprayed.?
grandmajet genius. Seaweed wraps are all the thing. Perhaps we can get Gary from Grimsby to bring us some back from his fishing trips.
I will , of course, be in charge of finances. As we intend to make loads of dosh I am having a new (anti lemon proof ) safe built under the bar where we can all keep an eye in it. Fingers the Fence Freddie will source one for us. He’s seen one somewhere in Mayfair he thinks would be good and as soon as he’s lifted bought it, he’ll install it for us.

Do you have a purple car, Doodle? I’m jealous.
I come to work on Shanks’s pony. Very sweet he is too, although the llamas frighten him.

grandmajet it’s only a toy car. I sleep in the cellar with the llamas so I’m always on time in the morning......even if I am a bit smelly ?

I live just round the corner in Pigstrotter Alley so I am able to get to my 5am shift easily. We only finish throwing out at 3am so not much sleep but the poteen keeps me going.
We seem to be doing well with recruitment. Theo has set up 2 hot tubs and a jacuzzi. I am looking forward to relaxing in the spa in my time off

Wow, Theo has done us proud.
I’ve asked Muscles Malone for a trial spray tan in return for a seaweed wrap. He’s giving me a Rylan tone as I want to look my perfect best for the spa opening, I have many clients booked in and a heap of seaweed festering nicely in my booth.
AGA, what is ‘time off’? I think I’d better review my contract. Actually, where is my contract?!

Hello everyone just popping by to see what’s new ... the Spa is looking amazing with those hot tubs so inviting ... bring on the bubbles!
And then a massage, manicure, pedicure, spray tanning etc just perfect . I like the seaweed wrap and mud bath ideas too - and I think with all the money rolling in we’ll need that safe we’ll hidden doodle ...

Could I go round and do the cucumber eyes please ?

Yes brook perfect. Could you do some face mask mud packs too. Ask *Grandmajet for some of her spare llama mud and put some salt in it. That should make a nice skin peel.

brook as we have only 2 hours a day off the cucumber eyes will be popular with the staff.
grandmajet insist on having your 2 hours a day off.

doodle Fingers Freddie left a message for you. He has stolen acquired a safe from Fort Knox as you needed one that was lemon proof.

Oooh yes please I’d love to do the cucumber eyes and the face masks too ... good idea to use the llama mud ?

brook can you book me in at 3am when I finish tonight?

Think they’re just testing it out before the grand opening ....

3am AGA oh my goodness I didn’t know it was an all night spa, but yes of course that’s you booked in now...

We'll have to do something about May on the front desk. With 'me acrylics', she can't/won't use the keyboard or take phone messages for booking appointments. Nor is she any good at brewing the tea when asked politely.

I have said a definite NO to the bright young -and not so young - things wanting tattoos and Botox fillers. Think we are putting Thor too much in the public eye and giving them ideas.....

Mind you, quite happy to offer the Rylan effect teeth whitening at 100 guineas a pop. Stanley Stonemason has offered his tools and services for his Bobby Dazzler special if you're happy with that?

Let me know - I'm under a pile of seaweed in the corner with 2 half cues clamped on my eyeballs.
Has brook truthfully done this before?

??? The llamas, brook!

That is Gnasher at the front as head llama. Grasper is on his right (standing) and Allarma clock on his left. Can't see much of Humpfree but he was always shy.

Is that you ixion? I thought it was the Monster from the Deep!
Definitely don’t want to do tattoos or Botox, that’s much too common. We are an upmarket establishment now, with crust free sandwiches.
I’ll let someone else try out the Bobby Dazzler. My spray tan set a bit solid and I’m not sure I can open my mouth now!