The Argy back to basics.

Nah. Definitely a Great Dane.
Lurpak Lil.
But steady with the stereotyping - don't we have a fellow 'Netter who hails from those parts?

I’m worried. All very quiet at the Argy and the Tower and with Muse. Has Brunhilde run amok with the Axe? Has Happy had the threatened chop? Has Muse been discovered on her pasty delivery? Should I call the rozzers?

With doodle's blessing I am planning to interview Brunhilde for some sort of employment, possibly evenings only if we can palm her off make arrangements for her to work in the Chippy during the day.
Certainly not light duties. I was thinking Bar work and Bouncer? Should we give her a trial period and see how she goes? Probably not as popular as May Hem.

We will have to give her something more appropriate to wear. I am currently unaware what kind of visual message she is projecting...
Or maybe I am?‍♀️
(Careful with that axe, Eugene)

No rozzers at the Argy GSM. They may find things here that are best not found. Still don't know where those little packets of white powder got to.
Thor and I are in the cellar with the llamas. We are always here brewing away so come on down. You can be the first to taste the new improved brew.

Brunhilde has come down to the cellar wanting a pint or two of poteen. She still has her axe. Not too happy about the effects of alcohol on Brunhilde plus axe.
We need to find her something to do before she starts wielding that axe. The llamas are looking very nervous. So is Thor.

Glad to hear all’s well at the Argy. Phew! Take your point re rozzers. Will certainly be there as soon as I’m given unsupervised day release, waiting to find out when that will be (coming in with a screw will do none of us any good). Sounds like Brunhilde can be put to good use at the Argy and perhaps get free chips at the chippy though would she eat them all on way back? Speaking of which will her head be turned by the sausages? I guess there will be some good entertainment when the Admiral turns up ?.

That axe has gotta go, AGA. Let her keep the helmet pro tem? Ply her with a couple of swift, potent pints and nick the axe while she sleeps.
Perhaps we could mellow her by packing her off to Madame Frou Frou's for a modest frock for the karaoke session tonight instead.
Did you think it would be a good idea to brew a special bevvy in Jet's memory?
Jet Fuel/Stream/Set/Lag/Jump Jet?

PS. Is it best not to ask what’s in the new improved brew?

The poteen recipe is a secret. Better that you don't know. Jet Set would be the one I think ixion. It would suit her.

Brunhilde was excited about a new outfit so I gave her some money from the till (don't tell doodle or lemon.) I told her they wouldn't let her in the shop with an axe so she has gone off without it.

Ideas please as to where to hide this damnable axe.

In the poteen? If it rusts it might add a certain je ne sais quoi?

That may work GSM. ixionused to be part of AB12 so may have some ideas.
doodle is good at hiding money so she may think of a secure place for the axe.

Evening all....post a bit delayed.... Rowena not fully trained yet and got lost, her tracker shows she returned from the Argy via Italy. Poor bird is exhausted.
Brunhilde looks even scarier than Gnasher ?!!!
Secure places to hide her axe..?...the cleaning cupboard maybe, no one goes there....the outdoor lav, no one dares go there....ditto the Admirals undies drawer!!!

Well, I did my NVQ in small weapons training, sure, but while I can disarm my axe-wielding opponent, no problem, I didn't do the module on disposal☹️.
Is that bloke with the boat still down at the Marina? The one who took us out at night to get shot of our undesirable acquisitions to look for bioluminescence?

Bottom of the sea sounds safe. As does the Admiral's long John's drawer. The Admiral with an axe though?

Right gang I think you have the answer. The bottom of the sea.
Luckily I will be able to dispose of the offending axe (and anything else we have lying around that needs taking care of).
Come in number 9 (aka Bertie from the boating lake) has invited me to join him testing out his new range of pedalos. I might be gone a couple of weeks as he wants us try it out by going round the Isle of Wight.
While I’m away I am sure Lemon can be called on for any help you need. ixion please sort out a suitable role for Brunhilde. I’m sure she will be an asset of some sort as soon as I’ve got that axe off her.
AGA I think a brew named after our dear jet would need to be very special. I hope you and Thor can come up with a suitable recipe.
Happyme I hope by the time I return you will have made good on your escape from you know where. ?
GSM hope your day release is soon as we could do with some help in the kitchen.
brook please keep an eye on the till and takings and whatever Lemon says, no I did not say she should take them home to the Manor for safekeeping.
muse that last batch of pasties were the best yet. I think we ought to plan a big summer bash in the Argy . Perhaps a Pasty and Pint weekend to bring the punters in.
Now, as for the llamas, I charge you all with taking good care of them. I have promoted Gnasher to head llama and he is so proud of his badge and cap he is marching round keeping the others in check. Alarma is so impressed with Gnashers new outfit that she has gone all gooey eyed and keeps batting her eyelashes at him. Grasper and Humpfree seem quite happy to provide all the llama walks as long as they have an extra pasty and poteen at night then they sleep like babies.
I will be taking distress flares with me. If you see them in the sky send the Admiral in his dingy to rescue me. I will look like a swan. ?. Take care all…..see you in a couple of weeks.

Gawd doodle - you'll have stonking thighs by the time you've paddled round the Island?
Have a lovely time, send us a postcard and bring us some rock back.
Oh, and one of those dinky glass lighthouses filled with stripes of different sand?
Oh, and any unwanted donkeys from the beach rides❤️
Thank you very much xx

What Doodle!!! Swanning off with that bounder Bertie from the boating lake, hope he doesn't leave you up the creek without a paddle. Watch out for the wash from those ferries too, don't forget your ? ? and life jacket.?

I am set for a good night here in the Tower. The Lord Lieutenant, Sir Loin, has invited me for supper. I hear his signature dish of spicy sausage is to die for ?

Just keep your hand on your ha’penny with Sir Loin about
Happy he has a reputation you know.

Just a flying visit tonight as things at the Manor are not good....
Don’t ask!
I will just take the cash from the till for safekeeping, I still have my trusty moneysack with me ( at all times) as you can’t trust banks.
Night night all.

Bon voyage Doodle enjoy your time on the Ocean waves and don’t get that pedalo stuck on those needles - they could do you a mischief
I think lemon has already made a move on the cash and it’s back at Lemongrove manor, but seen as there’s ructions there tonight I’ll sneak in later and get it back. No one will notice especially if I wear my camouflage gear again
Enjoy your time with Bertie and have fun in the sun!

Ooh Doodle, such a dangerous voyage and all in the interests of disposing of the axe. Such devotion to duty. Do leave the disposal until you’re safely back in home waters in case you need it to fend off Bertie’s advances. Seeing your thighs working that pedalo might make him a little frisky. Should the Admiral be dispatched to shadow you just in case? Though my advice re the axe is the same.

Did your mission succeed Brooke?

Oh boy does my head ache this morning.....sausage and ale can do that to you when you've gone without for so long. Sorry lemon, lost my halfpenny ☺, must get myself a moneysack. Hope all good at the Manor this morning....?didn't know yous did 'good' up there

( psst brook did you get the Argy takings back .....got any gossip on the goings on up there )

Just a thought from my ivory tower....could you attract some handsome Italian footie fans to the Argy tomorrow. Muse could do some pizza pasties and maybe some pasta pasties.

If Doodle isn't back in 2 weeks we will have to rescue her. I have heard a few things about Dirty Berty so I hope she has taken her chastity belt.

Speaking of Chasity belts AGA, Sir Loin gave me a lovely one last night, very punk....lots of chains and locks. Don't think Chastity will want it back any time soon tho, it is sooo uncomfortable. Bert the Beefeater (not to be confused with Dirty Bertie....tho he is rather!!) is very annoyed, he has tried every key on his belt and can't find one to fit. He is going to try a toothpick later ?....I do like a bit foreplay !!!

Rowena the Raven is hovering over the Argy....I can see from her surveillance camera that there is a large bush by the door, it isn't brook in her camouflage gear is it??? She needs to watch out, one of the Llamas might fancy a nibble.