The Argy back to basics.

That’ll be one of the Potting Shed Three dealt with then.

Probably all 3 GSM, if Lurpack Lil and Big Bertha have any sense they'll scarper as soon as they see Lemon. Have you seen her ????

Blimey! ?

Actually....have you seen Lemon???? ?. If she doesn't show up (what with that green fingered young Mellors around to distract her and all) we are going to need some back up. Can you get a pass out from HMP GSM, maybe slip that dictionary you borrowed from the library into your handbag......should work as a substitute brick.
Yous could smoke them out then clobber them over the head with your bag as they emerge. Willy the Weed and ixion could slip into the shed and do the business

It was a Collins Little Gem Happy, wouldn’t clobber a fly. No chance of getting out of here with that. Are you perchance a little ahead of time? Willy’s coming tomorrow night not tonight. Plenty of time for Lemon to be found and sort them out. Or if they turn up at the Argy AGA can ply them with poteen and keep them locked up in the cellar.

Hello all. It’s me calling via our satellite phone. Bertie and I have been paddling hard for days. We have now reached land and are resting. I’m not sure it’s the IOW as I don’t remember it having a volcano ?. The locals ? have invited us for dinner (at least I think that’s what they said). Whatever it is, there should be enough for all of us as they are heating a very large pot!
I hope everything is ok at the Argy and the till is full when we get back. ? Time to log off, The chief is gesturing for us to come close to the fire ?. They are all carrying spears so I think it must be some kind of fondue ??

Yikes*doodle*. You need to get out of there fast! Give them some of the poteen from the flask I gave you. It is very strong and will knock them out while you run away.

How lovely Doodle, a hot tub. Ergmm, all is good at the Argy ( ? ) you'll be relieved to know...... psst does anyone have the list of instructions doodle left???

Gawd. I don't like the sound of that at all, tbh.
Gives a whole new slant to the phrase and one for the pot.
Do you think doodle secreted some of their distress flares down her knickers, perchance?
Are they really that untamed on the IOW? I think I'd better cancel our dirty weekend in Cowes after all

I’ll have to own up Doodle that I’ve been awol for a while … I took the llamas out trekking and lost them all in the hills for days. I’ve been searching for ages but pleased to report they’re all back now safe and sound and enjoying their chips again now
Sounds like you’re in for a very warm night Doodle ?

Ooh Doodle I do hope you’ve got those flares in your bloomers. You’ll have them worshipping you - lady come from across water with firey bum. Like those South Sea (?) islanders and Prince Philip.
Ixion is all well at the shed?

Still waiting for Little Weed to pitch up.
Much snoring and heavy breathing inside - must be sweltering in there.
Hopefully occupants comatose pretty soon, thanks to that Jet Set poteen AGA provided.

Doodle in flares.....what a fashion icon!!!

The spy in the sky has just seen Willie the Weed skulking around the potting shed GSM, he appears to have fallen into a bush... too much poteen maybe.

Jet set poteen is the strongest yet. Not for the faint hearted. If he has had some he will be out for the count.

Oh dear. Did you find him ixion? If not can your spy see what’s going on Happy? And can your spy fly far enough to find Doodle, who seems worryingly silent?

Ouf, back at last, sorry about that.
The Jet Set poteen worked a treat, AGA, thank you. A real special brew.
Luckily, I met Willie the Weed before he imbibed, tho' I think my shrub-disguise scared the s**t out of him disconcerted him somewhat. His mate came with a trailer for the pots of vegetation and he paid me £13.7s.3d which I hope was OK?
Mind you, he was a bit sniffy that it wasn't in dried and bagged format?‍♀️ but tough. So honour - and the till- is restored for doodle (dv).

I had a teeny spot of bother with Lurpak Lil.
She was positively comatose- not a pretty sight tbh.
In the end, I got Gnasher along and heaved her corpulent frame on to his back and duly returned her to the Argy.

I think we should give the poor lad a day off. He looks shattered.

A potent poteen indeed ixion, well done AGA, and you ixion for restoring the Argy takings.......just have to keep them out of lemon's grasp now. Could normally put Gnasher on guard duty but he sounds knackered, that Lurpack Lil is no lightweight. Maybe young Smellors will keep lemon occupied till doodle returns. Hope she has enjoyed her paddle

?Hello lemon?

Just thought I'd run this past you: have you thought of converting your potting shed to a luxury glamping pod to rent out?
It would keep L.L. away from his little bolt hole and be yet another a source of income?

Thought of it, and done it! There are now six potting sheds, errrm, glamping pods on the edge of our woods, all ready to rent out and filled with the latest must haves, including a wheelbarrow with a furry throw in it, a watering can full of poteen, and an old ( antique!) kettle.A tenner a week, can’t say fairer than that.

Ooh. Shabby chic then, lemongrove?

Yes, it’s the latest trend... I love it too, as it’s so cheap!
Gee whiz it’s hot! They may not need the furry throw after all.
Let’s have an early poteen with a lemonade top ixion it will set us up for the day eh?
Any mushroom quiche going? Is the cellar still yielding a good crop?

We could test drive your new glamping pods lemon.
A sort of pod crawl.
I'll start off with my poteen in that one down by the lake beyond the ha-ha. What's it called?
Dun Roamin' you say? Tasteful.

I have booked one in the woods. It has a hot tub. Ok it's a water butt but in this weather it will do. I hope lemon has provided pots in the potting sheds for ..erm .. comfort breaks.

Cooee gang it’s me. We finally escaped from the island after giving all the locals a tot of my secreted poteen stash. It seems we were meant for the pot. Who would have thought it wot with me being so slim and all. Bertie and I made out getaway at night and peddled fast for days before sighting land again. I don’t think Bertie has the hang of the sat nav yet. Unless the IOW is covered with snow and has ice flows in the sea , I think we are in the wrong place. The locals here seem friendly enough. They have given us warm fur boots and coats and have made us an ice hut to shelter in. We will rest for a day or so and then head home. I am bringing new bar staff with me. Nanouk, a young man with huge muscles ? wants to come and learn English with us so I have taken him on for the summer . He can help in the bar plus he will help us pedal home. Hope you are all getting on ok and have come up with some enterprising money spinners while I’ve been away. Hope Brook is keeping an eye on the llamas for me. See you soon.

Glad the Jet Set poteen worked Doodle and you got away. Nanouk will be an asset at the Argy. Just make sure lemon doesn't nab him for her glamping business.